Doc's bishopric Sunday School (Noun or adjective? One word or two?)
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07-12-2013, 05:45 PM
RE: DOC-OCK'S ARACHNOPHOBIC SUNDAY SCHOOL
(07-12-2013 09:58 AM)DLJ Wrote:  Doc, Doc ... Doc?

Can I go to the restroom, please?

This Sunday school class has been going on for months without a break.

Are we ever going to be allowed home?

Nein!
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07-12-2013, 05:48 PM
RE: DOC-OCK'S ARACHNOPHOBIC SUNDAY SCHOOL
(07-12-2013 05:45 PM)docskeptic Wrote:  
(07-12-2013 09:58 AM)DLJ Wrote:  Doc, Doc ... Doc?

Can I go to the restroom, please?

This Sunday school class has been going on for months without a break.

Are we ever going to be allowed home?

Nein!

Oh ok at 9. umm Can I duck out at 8:45 I have some... orphans.. to.. umm wallpaper.. or something... charity... Nothing to do with the new movie coming out today... so err... HEY LOOK JESUS IS BACK! *runs away*

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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07-12-2013, 08:08 PM
RE: DOC-OCK'S ARACHNOPHOBIC SUNDAY SCHOOL
(07-12-2013 09:58 AM)DLJ Wrote:  Doc, Doc ... Doc?

Can I go to the restroom, please?

This Sunday school class has been going on for months without a break.

Are we ever going to be allowed home?

Doc: Nein!

All: He's just a poor boy from a poor family, spare him his life from this atrocity.

DLJ: Will you let me go?

Doc: Bismillah! No, we will not let you go.

All: (Let him go!)

Doc: Bismillah! We will not let you go.

DLJ: Will you let me go?

Doc: Beelzebub has a devil set aside for you.

DLJ: Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here.

Doc: Mama mia!
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08-12-2013, 08:19 AM
RE: DOC-OCK'S ARACHNOPHOBIC SUNDAY SCHOOL
(07-12-2013 09:58 AM)DLJ Wrote:  Doc, Doc ... Doc?

Can I go to the restroom, please?

This Sunday school class has been going on for months without a break.

Are we ever going to be allowed home?

Teacher's pet over here is the only one who's been raptly attentive for the whole class. The rest of us just duck out as needed. Oh, you need to me to get you a new diaper while I'm out?
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08-12-2013, 11:44 AM
RE: DOC'S SICK TOXIC SUNDAY SCHOOL
Doc: Revenant? Revenant?

Silence

Doc: Colourcraze? Colourcraze?

Silence

Doc: Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?

Silence

Doc: OK. For those present, have I got a surprise for you! A pop quiz! The question is:
Who slew Goliath the giant and how tall was Goliath?

Remember, this is a closed book test and I am relying on the honor system because I know that, like Brutus, you are all honorable.

Doc.
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08-12-2013, 11:53 AM
RE: DOC'S SICK TOXIC SUNDAY SCHOOL
(08-12-2013 11:44 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  Doc: Revenant? Revenant?

Silence

Doc: Colourcraze? Colourcraze?

Silence

Doc: Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?

Silence

Doc: OK. For those present, have I got a surprise for you! A pop quiz! The question is:
Who slew Goliath the giant and how tall was Goliath?

Remember, this is a closed book test and I am relying on the honor system because I know that, like Brutus, you are all honorable.

Doc.

From the back of the room, through a mouthful of Cheez-Its, Chas pipes up,
"Umff, David with a stone slung from his sling at 14-foot tall Goliath?"

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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09-12-2013, 08:52 AM (This post was last modified: 09-12-2013 09:09 AM by docskeptic.)
RE: DOC'S AUTOCRATIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (MY WAY OR THE RIGHT WAY)
(08-12-2013 11:53 AM)Chas Wrote:  Doc: Who slew Goliath the giant and how tall was Goliath?

Chas: Umff, David with a stone slung from his sling at 14-foot tall Goliath?

Doc: You are correct! In 1 Samuel 17:50, we read that "Thus David prevailed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone, and he struck the Philistine and killed him; but there was no sword in David’s hand."

Chas: *Ahem* There's just one problem. We also read in 2 Sam. 21:19 "... there was war with the Philistines again at Gob, and Elhanan the son of Jaare-oregim the Bethlehemite killed Goliath the Gittite, the shaft of whose spear was like a weaver’s beam."

Doc: No, no, no,no! That can't be. Remember that Sunday School song you loved so much?

Only a boy named David,
Something, something, something.
And the sling went round and round
And round and round
And round and round
And round and round and round
And one little prayer went up to God
And the giant came tumbling down.

So, you see, it was David that slew Goliath and chopped off his head. Besides, the phrase "David and Goliath" has a much nicer ring to it.

Chas, uncovering his ears: Yeah, whatever. The received text also says that Goliath was six cubits and a span tall, 9'6", but the Septuagint and the Dead Sea scroll version of Samuel have his height listed at 6'9", a more reasonable height.

Doc: Well, there's a very simple solution: Scholars think that the writer of 2 Samuel meant to say that Elhanan slew Lahmi the brother of Goliath the Gittite, but that through a series of errors, an unknown copyist created our current version of 2 Sam. 21:19 .

Chas: I see. So, copyists' errors can be received as Holy Writ?
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09-12-2013, 07:14 PM
RE: DOC'S AUTOCRATIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (MY WAY OR THE RIGHT WAY)
(09-12-2013 08:52 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  
(08-12-2013 11:53 AM)Chas Wrote:  Doc: Who slew Goliath the giant and how tall was Goliath?

Chas: Umff, David with a stone slung from his sling at 14-foot tall Goliath?

Doc: You are correct! In 1 Samuel 17:50, we read that "Thus David prevailed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone, and he struck the Philistine and killed him; but there was no sword in David’s hand."

Chas: *Ahem* There's just one problem. We also read in 2 Sam. 21:19 "... there was war with the Philistines again at Gob, and Elhanan the son of Jaare-oregim the Bethlehemite killed Goliath the Gittite, the shaft of whose spear was like a weaver’s beam."

Doc: No, no, no,no! That can't be. Remember that Sunday School song you loved so much?

Only a boy named David,
Something, something, something.
And the sling went round and round
And round and round
And round and round
And round and round and round
And one little prayer went up to God
And the giant came tumbling down.

So, you see, it was David that slew Goliath and chopped off his head. Besides, the phrase "David and Goliath" has a much nicer ring to it.

Chas, uncovering his ears: Yeah, whatever. The received text also says that Goliath was six cubits and a span tall, 9'6", but the Septuagint and the Dead Sea scroll version of Samuel have his height listed at 6'9", a more reasonable height.

Doc: Well, there's a very simple solution: Scholars think that the writer of 2 Samuel meant to say that Elhanan slew Lahmi the brother of Goliath the Gittite, but that through a series of errors, an unknown copyist created our current version of 2 Sam. 21:19 .

Chas: I see. So, copyists' errors can be received as Holy Writ?

Hmmm, I don't know, Davey!

(NOTE: His Holiness apologizes for the lack of meme-like captioning in the following image. He was busy and suggests you get over it.)

[Image: davey.jpg]

He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy! -Brian's mum
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09-12-2013, 07:17 PM
RE: DOC'S AUTOCRATIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (MY WAY OR THE RIGHT WAY)
(09-12-2013 07:14 PM)Cardinal Smurf Wrote:  
(09-12-2013 08:52 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  Chas: Umff, David with a stone slung from his sling at 14-foot tall Goliath?

Doc: You are correct! In 1 Samuel 17:50, we read that "Thus David prevailed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone, and he struck the Philistine and killed him; but there was no sword in David’s hand."

Chas: *Ahem* There's just one problem. We also read in 2 Sam. 21:19 "... there was war with the Philistines again at Gob, and Elhanan the son of Jaare-oregim the Bethlehemite killed Goliath the Gittite, the shaft of whose spear was like a weaver’s beam."

Doc: No, no, no,no! That can't be. Remember that Sunday School song you loved so much?

Only a boy named David,
Something, something, something.
And the sling went round and round
And round and round
And round and round
And round and round and round
And one little prayer went up to God
And the giant came tumbling down.

So, you see, it was David that slew Goliath and chopped off his head. Besides, the phrase "David and Goliath" has a much nicer ring to it.

Chas, uncovering his ears: Yeah, whatever. The received text also says that Goliath was six cubits and a span tall, 9'6", but the Septuagint and the Dead Sea scroll version of Samuel have his height listed at 6'9", a more reasonable height.

Doc: Well, there's a very simple solution: Scholars think that the writer of 2 Samuel meant to say that Elhanan slew Lahmi the brother of Goliath the Gittite, but that through a series of errors, an unknown copyist created our current version of 2 Sam. 21:19 .

Chas: I see. So, copyists' errors can be received as Holy Writ?

Hmmm, I don't know, Davey!

(NOTE: His Holiness apologizes for the lack of meme-like captioning in the following image. He was busy and suggests you get over it.)

[Image: davey.jpg]




(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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11-12-2013, 10:16 AM
RE: DOC'S ISLAMIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (SLAUGHTERING INFIDELS' ARGUMENTS SINCE 2013
Cardinal Smurf: Doc, I have a question about Moses.

Doc (peacefully): Yes? What is it, my son?

Cardinal Smurf: On his deathbed, Moses delivers a long harangue to the Israelites included in which he says the following (Deut. 23: 3-6):

"No Ammonite or Moabite or any of his descendants may enter the assembly of the Lord, even down to the tenth generation. For they did not come to meet you with bread and water on your way when you came out of Egypt, and they hired Balaam son of Beor from Pethor in Aram Naharaim to pronounce a curse on you. However, the Lord your God would not listen to Balaam but turned the curse into a blessing for you, because the Lord your God loves you. Do not seek a treaty of friendship with them as long as you live."

Doc (peacefully): Yes. The Ammonites and Moabites should have realized that Israel was the apple of God's eye and should have provided them with bread and water. Their failure to do so and their hiring of Balaam to curse the Israelites made them worthy of Moses's censure.

Cardinal Smurf: There's just one little problem. It was Midian and Moab that hired Balaam (see Num. 22:7). Ammon had nothing to do with it, but Midian escapes scot-free. Why?

Doc (peacefully): SILENCE! I KILL YOU!
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