Doc's bishopric Sunday School (Noun or adjective? One word or two?)
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06-01-2014, 12:53 PM (This post was last modified: 06-01-2014 01:07 PM by docskeptic.)
RE: DOC'S HYPERGLYCEMIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (HOW SWEET IT IS)
(04-01-2014 06:13 PM)Bucky Ball Wrote:  Jeroboam was the King of the Northern Kingdom. That "two golden calf" thing was *FAR* more important than just a "single" event.
http://www.thethinkingatheist.com/forum/...ble-Bull-s

Speaking of Jeroboam, 1 Kings 13 relates one of the most bizarre stories in the OT. The "man of God" mentioned above was entreated by Jeroboam to intercede with God on his behalf which he does resulting in the cure of the king's hand. Jeroboam then invites the man of God to a meal which he declines on the basis that God instructed him to return home straightaway without stopping to eat or drink.

An unnamed prophet of God hearing of the man of God meets up with him and lies (1 Kings 13:18) to him saying that the angel of God instructed him to invite the man of God to a meal at his home, which invitation the man of God trustingly accepts.

During the meal, God speaks through the lying prophet and condemns the man of God to death for disobeying his orders and sure enough, on his way home, the man of God is killed (but not eaten) by a lion.

The lying prophet then retrieves the body of the man of God and takes it home, mourning over it and burying it in his own tomb, instructing his sons to bury him in the same tomb when he dies! However, no punishment devolves on the lying prophet.

The first time I read this, I swore mightily saying,"Gee whillikers!"

Doc
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06-01-2014, 01:54 PM (This post was last modified: 07-01-2014 08:38 AM by Bucky Ball.)
RE: DOC'S HYPERGLYCEMIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (HOW SWEET IT IS)
(06-01-2014 12:53 PM)docskeptic Wrote:  
(04-01-2014 06:13 PM)Bucky Ball Wrote:  Jeroboam was the King of the Northern Kingdom. That "two golden calf" thing was *FAR* more important than just a "single" event.
http://www.thethinkingatheist.com/forum/...ble-Bull-s

Speaking of Jeroboam, 1 Kings 13 relates one of the most bizarre stories in the OT. The "man of God" mentioned above was entreated by Jeroboam to intercede with God on his behalf which he does resulting in the cure of the king's hand. Jeroboam then invites the man of God to a meal which he declines on the basis that God instructed him to return home straightaway without stopping to eat or drink.

An unnamed prophet of God hearing of the man of God meets up with him and lies (1 Kings 13:18) to him saying that the angel of God instructed him to invite the man of God to a meal at his home, which invitation the man of God trustingly accepts.

During the meal, God speaks through the lying prophet and condemns the man of God to death for disobeying his orders and sure enough, on his way home, the man of God is killed (but not eaten) by a lion.

The lying prophet then retrieves the body of the man of God and takes it home, mourning over it and burying it in his own tomb, instructing his sons to bury him in the same tomb when he dies! However, no punishment devolves on the lying prophet.

The first time I read this, I swore mightily saying,"Gee whillikers!"

Doc

Fascinating. I don't remember reading that. No doubt its a political "who really is the most favored" comment concerning the Northern Kingdom vs the Southern Kingdom. I'll check it out. (("Gee whillikers" indeed. Doc is SO genteel, I can't decide who needs the sliding-scale (insulin) here ..)). Oh fudge. Tongue

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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06-01-2014, 05:13 PM
DOC'S HYPERGLYCEMIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (HOW SWEET IT IS)
(06-01-2014 12:53 PM)docskeptic Wrote:  The first time I read this, I swore mightily saying,"Gee whillikers!"

Doc

Doc! Such profanity is unbecoming a professional of your station! Mind thy tongue.

He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy! -Brian's mum
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07-01-2014, 08:22 AM
RE: DOC'S HYPERGLYCEMIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (HOW SWEET IT IS)
Doc has asked me to unpin this thread, since he is the op I am going to comply with his wishes here.

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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07-01-2014, 01:28 PM
RE: DOC'S HYPERGLYCEMIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (HOW SWEET IT IS)
(07-01-2014 08:22 AM)Revenant77x Wrote:  Doc has asked me to unpin this thread, since he is the op I am going to comply with his wishes here.

WTF Doc ? Don't tell me you're leaving us again ? I was about to convert...

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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07-01-2014, 02:54 PM (This post was last modified: 07-01-2014 03:29 PM by docskeptic.)
RE: DOC'S EGOISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL
(07-01-2014 01:28 PM)morondog Wrote:  WTF Doc ? Don't tell me you're leaving us again ? I was about to convert...

Doc, hastily shutting the door: I... I was just stepping out for a.. for some fresh air. But let's continue our studies, shall we? Now, where were we?

Bucky: Jeroboam

Doc: Ah, yes! Jeroboam, the son of Nebat. He was the ruler of the northern kingdom of Israel after the death of Solomon when the nation split into two. He was hand-picked by God for this role. God told him (in 1 Kings 11): "See, I am going to tear the kingdom out of Solomon’s hand and give you ten tribes" and "I will take you, and you will rule over all that your heart desires; you will be king over Israel. If you do whatever I command you and walk in obedience to me and do what is right in my eyes by obeying my decrees and commands, as David my servant did, I will be with you."

Bucky: That turned out well, didn't it? Jeroboam became one of the worst kings of Israel. The LXX says that his mother was a prostitute (contradicted by the other versions, which say that his mother was a widow). He sacrificed to idols. He built up "high places" and founded a false priesthood. He discouraged people from worshiping in Jerusalem.

Doc: For all those sins, Jeroboam lost his son. God told him that his son was "the only one belonging to Jeroboam who will be buried, because he is the only one in the house of Jeroboam in whom the Lord, the God of Israel, has found anything good" meaning that the rest of Jeroboam's family would die ignominously.

Bucky: Hmph! Typical of God. Punish the child for the sins of the father. Meanwhile, Jeroboam went on to rule for 22 years and committed so many sins that he was the yardstick by which all future evil kings of Israel were measured. So much for being hand-picked by God. I wouldn't trust God to pick my peewee baseball team.
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07-01-2014, 05:22 PM (This post was last modified: 08-01-2014 08:04 AM by Bucky Ball.)
RE: DOC'S EGOISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL
(07-01-2014 02:54 PM)docskeptic Wrote:  
(07-01-2014 01:28 PM)morondog Wrote:  WTF Doc ? Don't tell me you're leaving us again ? I was about to convert...

Doc, hastily shutting the door: I... I was just stepping out for a.. for some fresh air. But let's continue our studies, shall we? Now, where were we?

Bucky: Jeroboam

Doc: Ah, yes! Jeroboam, the son of Nebat. He was the ruler of the northern kingdom of Israel after the death of Solomon when the nation split into two. He was hand-picked by God for this role. God told him (in 1 Kings 11): "See, I am going to tear the kingdom out of Solomon’s hand and give you ten tribes" and "I will take you, and you will rule over all that your heart desires; you will be king over Israel. If you do whatever I command you and walk in obedience to me and do what is right in my eyes by obeying my decrees and commands, as David my servant did, I will be with you."

Bucky: That turned out well, didn't it? Jeroboam became one of the worst kings of Israel. The LXX says that his mother was a prostitute (contradicted by the other versions, which say that his mother was a widow). He sacrificed to idols. He built up "high places" and founded a false priesthood. He discouraged people from worshiping in Jerusalem.

Doc: For all those sins, Jeroboam lost his son. God told him that his son was "the only one belonging to Jeroboam who will be buried, because he is the only one in the house of Jeroboam in whom the Lord, the God of Israel, has found anything good" meaning that the rest of Jeroboam's family would die ignominously.

Bucky: Hmph! Typical of God. Punish the child for the sins of the father. Meanwhile, Jeroboam went on to rule for 22 years and committed so many sins that he was the yardstick by which all future evil kings of Israel were measured. So much for being hand-picked by God. I wouldn't trust God to pick my peewee baseball team.

Hmph again. What exactly would YOU say about a King of the North if YOU were from the Southern Kingdom, (Judah), hated the Northern Kingdom with a passion, and in general wanted to make him appear in as bad a light as possible ? You'd say his mum was a whore, you'd say his attempt to establish a different line of priests was "false", you'd say his attempt to keep his subjects within his own kingdom to worship THE SAME GOD "idol worship", and "building up high places", (competition to Jerusalem), as evil, as well as the rest of his family. Those authors of the Southern lit sure knew how to be spin-meisters.

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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08-01-2014, 08:14 AM (This post was last modified: 08-01-2014 08:49 AM by docskeptic.)
RE: DOC'S SYNCRETIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (NIRVANA THROUGH JIHAD IN JESUS' NAME, BY ZEUS!)
Doc: Alright, maybe Jeroboam was a bust, but look at Solomon. He was picked by God to be the king of Israel from among all of David's sons and what a success he turned out to be! The kingdom of Israel achieved its greatest extent under him. He was fabulously wealthy. Most importantly, he was renowned for being the wisest man who ever lived. In 1 Kings 3:12, God said, "Behold, I give you a wise and discerning mind, so that none like you has been before you and none like you shall arise after you." Surely, that must count as a success story?

Morondog: Tchah! Let's look at Solomon's life, shall we?
1. He was born of an adulterous union between David and Bathsheba after David murdered Bathsheba's husband.
2. He spent his formative years in the harem, where he was influenced by his mother (a Hittite) and the other foreign wives of David.
3. Almost his first act on succession was to execute his brother Adonijah and his cousin Joab on nominal charges.
4. He married 700 wives and had 300 concubines, apparently all foreign. Not a single Isaraelite one is named.
5. He worshiped many of his wives' gods, including Ashtoreth and the dreaded Moloch.
6. His greatest act of wisdom appears to have been to decide to which of two prostitutes a baby belonged, by threatening to divide the baby in half, gauging the reactions of the women and awarding the baby to the most sympathetic one.
7. He managed to impress one moarch, the Queen of Sheba, present day Yemen-'nuff said.
8. He institued the corvee, forced labor on his own people to help him build the Temple for which he is best known.
9. He laid a "heavy yoke" and scourged his people with whips to exact taxes (2Chron. 10:10), so that he himself might live in Oriental luxury.

Solomon was so wicked that God tore most of his kingdom away from him and gave it to that other n'er-do-well, Jeroboam. How could a handpicked champion of God fail so signally?

Doc: Zzzzzz....
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08-01-2014, 08:54 AM
RE: DOC'S SYNCRETIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (NIRVANA THROUGH JIHAD IN JESUS' NAME, BY ZEUS!)
OTOH if he's the joker who actually did write Ecclesiastes (I know, probably not but hey, little bit of fantasy)... then gotta give him some props. If only for providing a McGuffin for Fahrenheit 451...

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If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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08-01-2014, 10:26 AM (This post was last modified: 08-01-2014 10:34 AM by Bucky Ball.)
RE: DOC'S SYNCRETIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (NIRVANA THROUGH JIHAD IN JESUS' NAME, BY ZEUS!)
(08-01-2014 08:14 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  Doc: Alright, maybe Jeroboam was a bust, but look at Solomon. He was picked by God to be the king of Israel from among all of David's sons and what a success he turned out to be! The kingdom of Israel achieved its greatest extent under him. He was fabulously wealthy. Most importantly, he was renowned for being the wisest man who ever lived. In 1 Kings 3:12, God said, "Behold, I give you a wise and discerning mind, so that none like you has been before you and none like you shall arise after you." Surely, that must count as a success story?

Morondog: Tchah! Let's look at Solomon's life, shall we?
1. He was born of an adulterous union between David and Bathsheba after David murdered Bathsheba's husband.
2. He spent his formative years in the harem, where he was influenced by his mother (a Hittite) and the other foreign wives of David.
3. Almost his first act on succession was to execute his brother Adonijah and his cousin Joab on nominal charges.
4. He married 700 wives and had 300 concubines, apparently all foreign. Not a single Isaraelite one is named.
5. He worshiped many of his wives' gods, including Ashtoreth and the dreaded Moloch.
6. His greatest act of wisdom appears to have been to decide to which of two prostitutes a baby belonged, by threatening to divide the baby in half, gauging the reactions of the women and awarding the baby to the most sympathetic one.
7. He managed to impress one moarch, the Queen of Sheba, present day Yemen-'nuff said.
8. He institued the corvee, forced labor on his own people to help him build the Temple for which he is best known.
9. He laid a "heavy yoke" and scourged his people with whips to exact taxes (2Chron. 10:10), so that he himself might live in Oriental luxury.

Solomon was so wicked that God tore most of his kingdom away from him and gave it to that other n'er-do-well, Jeroboam. How could a handpicked champion of God fail so signally?

Doc: Zzzzzz....

Bucky raises hand with a smirk (after throwing more spitballs to wake up Chas).

"Doc, doc, I've been thinking again, (sorry, I know I'm not to do that on Sunday), ... um that "corvee" business ... why IS it that the officers of the "missim" (the forced labor as described pre Exodus in Egypt) uses the SAME vocabulary ? Is it possible the "hated" policy (which was THE reason a generation later the kingdoms broke in two when Jeroboam said he was going to continue it), actually ORIGINATED in Israel (Judah), and calling a hated policy with the SAME words, and placing it in Egypt was a literary way of denigrating it, and the kings who were continuing a hated policy ? Nah. THAT could never be. Cough cough.

Solomon also "gerrymandered" 12 tax districts, that did NOT resemble the tribal structure, and (of course) excluded HIS tribe from the scheme .. you don't think THAT had anything to do with why the Southern Kingdom and the North didn't get along , do you ? Yeah, real "wise" move there.

Cough cough. "Doc I have to visit the restroom. Can I have a hall pass ?"
Mumbling on way to can "ya know that *retrograde* view of history ("there never arose in Israel such a wise man" or whatever), is the SAME way Moses was referred to as "humble", ("there never arose in Israel such a humble man") ... well how the hell would they KNOW that, until LATER...and one of the first suspicious clues hundreds of years ago to scholars that the OT was really mostly myth, and not chronologically "historical", in any way.

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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