Doc's bishopric Sunday School (Noun or adjective? One word or two?)
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05-02-2014, 02:07 PM
DOC'S PATRIOTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (AMERICA BLESS GOD)
(04-02-2014 06:58 PM)docskeptic Wrote:  Dear Mr. JAH,

I AND MY COLLEGUES WITH SOME TOP OFFICIALS IN THE NATIONAL BANK OF NIGERIA PLAN TO MOVE AWAY THE SAID AMOUNT OF MONEY ($84 MILLION) INTO YOUR ACCOUNT BY AWARDING A NON EXISTING CONTRACT. TO THIS EFFECT, I SOURCE FOR A RELIABLE BUSINESS PARTNER WHO WILL ASSIST US TO CLAIM SOME OF THIS APPROVED MONEY.RECEIVE IT, AND INVEST TOGETHER IN YOUR COUNTRY. FOR A START, WE ARE READY TO APPLY FOR AN IMMEDIATE PAYMENT OF $23 MILLION USD ONLY. THE PROCESS OF TRANSFERING THIS MONEY IS KNOWN TO US. AND WE ARE READY TO SHARE IT ON THE RATIO OF 60% : 30% AND THE RESERVE FOR TAXES AND MISCELLANEOUS EXPENSES INCURED BY BOTH PARTIES WHICH IS 10% ONCE WE CAN JOINTLY FINANCE THE TRANSFER OF THE FUNDS TO YOUR ACCOUNT OR ANY COMPANY ACCOUNT NOMINATED BY YOU. THIS WILL TAKE A MAXIMUM OF TWO FULL WORKING WEEKS.

ON YOUR REPLY FURNISH ME WITH YOUR PRIVATE PHONE AND FAX LINES FOR
EASY COMMUNICATION. YOUR FULL BANKING DETAILS AND NAME / COMPANY NAME. WITH THIS INFORMATION WE SHALL APPLY FOR THE PAYMENT IN YOUR NAME. IF YOU FIND THIS DEAL INTERESTING AND WISH TO ASSIST US DO NOT HESITATE TO EMAIL ME . MIND YOU WE HAVE STUDIED AND TAKEN CARE OF ALL POSSIBLE TRACE TO ORIGIN OF THIS DEAL, AS SUCH NO RISK IS INVOLVED FOR YOUR PARTICIPATION. IT IS ALSO TO BE TREATED WITH UTMOST SECRECY. WHEN CONTACTING ME DUE TO SENSITIVE NATURE OF THE TRANSACTION, CONTACT ME DIRECT USING YOUR INTERNATIONAL DIALING ACCESS CODE AND DO NOT GO THROUGH ANY PERSON TO REACH ME. NOTE IF FOR ANY REASON YOU ARE NOT DISPOSED AT MOMENT TO UNDERTAKE THIS DEAL, LET ME KNOW ON TIME AS TO MAKE ALTERNATIVE ARRANGEMENTS.

ALLAH'S PIECE UPON YOUR HEAD.

SINCERLY YOURS,

"DOC" ALI MOUSSAKA.

DEAR MR MOUSSAKA

PIECE BE UPON YOU BROTHER. WE ARE VERY EXCITED TO BE INVOLVED IN THIS TRANSACTION. YOUR GENEROSITY KNOWS NO LIMIT.

I HAVE SPOKEN TO MY BANK ABOUT CONFIGURING THE TRANSACTION. PLEASE DO NOT BE ALARMED. I MADE NO MENTION OF YOU OR YOUR ORGANIZATION. HOWEVER THERE IS ONE SMALL MATTER OF SECURITY THAT WILL NEED TO BE ADDRESSED BEFORE WE MAY PROCEED.

IN ORDER TO CONFIRM YOUR IDENTITY WE WILL BE NEEDING A PHOTOGRAPH TAKEN OF YOU. I ASSURE YOU WE WILL BE DISCREET WITH THIS ITEM AND IT WILL NOT FALL INTO THW WRONG HANDS. THIS PHOTO MUST FOLLOW SOME CONSTRAINTS ACCORDING TO MY SECURITY NEEDS IF WE WISH TO PROCEED. THESE CONSTRAINTS ARE VERY IMPORTANT AND MUST BE ADHERED TO TO THE LETTER SO PLEASE PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO EVERY DETAIL.

FIRST YOU MUST ACQUIRE A BLUE WOMANS DRESS MADE OF MUSLIN. COTTON MATERIAL WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED. NEXT YOU ARE TO ACQUIRE A BUNCH OF 12 BANANAS PRECISELY. NO MORE NO LESS. LASTLY YOU MUST ACQUIRE A TRAMPOLINE. IT NEED NOT BE FULL SIZE. A SMALL INDOOR TRAMPOLINE WILL SUFFICE.

THE PHOTO MUST BE TAKEN THUS:

DON THE WOMANS DRESS AND REMOVE YOUR SHOES SO AS NOT TO DAMAGE THE TRAMPOLINE (WE DO NOT WISH TO BE DOCKED FOR ITS COST IN CASE OF DAMAGE). NEXT PLACE THE BUNCH OF BANANAS UPON YOUR HEAD AND PROCEED TO BOUNCE ON THE TRAMPOLINE BEING VERY CAREFUL NOT TO LOSE THE PLACEMENT OF THE FRUITS. THE PHOTO MUST BE TAKEN WHILE YOU A RE AT THE APEX OF A BOUNCE. WE DO NOT WISH TO SEE THE STATE OF THE WOMANS DRESS UPON DECENT FOR REASONS OF PROPRIETY WE ARE SURE YOU CAN APPRECIATE. ONCE THE PHOTO HAS BEEN TAKEN, PACKAGE IT ALONG WITH THE DRESS AND FRUITS AND SEND IT TO THE RETURN ADDRESS OF THIS CORRESPONDENCE. YOU WIL BE COMPENSATED FOR THE COST OF BOTH FRUITS AND CLOTHING. FEEL FREE TO INCLUDE A RECEIPT FOR EACH AT YOUR LEISURE.

WE APPRECIATE YOUR PATIENCE WITH THIS MEASURE. WE HAVE BEEN FORCED TO PERFORM IT OURSELVES ON MANY OCCASIONS AND FULLY APPRECIATE WHAT YOU WILL BE DOING FOR US. WE DO APPRECIATE YOUR FULL COMPLIANCE.

THANK YOU AND MAY ALLAH BLESS YOUR FAMILY.

Yours sincerely,
Cardinal Smurf

He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy! -Brian's mum
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05-02-2014, 02:39 PM
RE: DOC'S PATRIOTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (AMERICA BLESS GOD)
As revealed in another thread my piece of the true cross saved cljr's life. The cheap son of a bitch has not sent me my worthless payment yet but that is OK.

Now that you understand the value of my relics please feel free to forward me money. I am leaving soon to Tours to hunt for the grunt/han of Joseph. That will be a relic of monumental benefit to the owner. I accept paypal.

A long and arduous internet search suggests that this MOUSAKKA character may have not dealt fairly with others in the past I do not believe he is associated with that poster who we know as doc. I think he may have kidnapped doc.

I on the other hand have always traded fairly in relics. Sometimes it takes me a while to properly age them but they are always genuine. As cljr can attest they can perform miracles. Oh and if you are looking for an investment opportunity cljr has a bridge for sale. I got in on the ground floor and I have already tripled my investment.
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06-02-2014, 01:26 PM
RE: DOC'S MILITARISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (GOD BLITZ THE WORLD)
JAH,
Here's an item that does not require aging. The editor of John Calvin's Treatise says that "as late as 1784, at Mount St Michael in Bretagne, a Swiss was vending feathers from the archangel Michael’s wings, and that he found purchasers for his wares."

Could you get me one of those?

Doc
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06-02-2014, 01:37 PM
RE: DOC'S MILITARISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (GOD BLITZ THE WORLD)
doc, oddly you are in luck. An angel was bothering me this morning and although I tried I could not kill it. I did manage to rip out a bunch of feathers. Since I have a bunch they are cheap at only $10,000 US each (I will take no more of those Zimbabwean dollars, that cheap cljr, I saved his life and the money I got did not even cover mailing costs).

I am putting them for sale on e-bay soon but maybe I can cut you a deal as you are such an excellent instructor. I must warn you not all are perfectly white because the source for some reason had multicolored wings.
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06-02-2014, 01:55 PM
DOC'S MILITARISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (GOD BLITZ THE WORLD)
(06-02-2014 01:37 PM)JAH Wrote:  doc, oddly you are in luck. An angel was bothering me this morning and although I tried I could not kill it. I did manage to rip out a bunch of feathers. Since I have a bunch they are cheap at only $10,000 US each (I will take no more of those Zimbabwean dollars, that cheap cljr, I saved his life and the money I got did not even cover mailing costs).

I am putting them for sale on e-bay soon but maybe I can cut you a deal as you are such an excellent instructor. I must warn you not all are perfectly white because the source for some reason had multicolored wings.

No tears? This angel didn't even cry from ripping out its feathers? O blood either? I fear you may have missed some potentially profitable commodities.

He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy! -Brian's mum
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07-02-2014, 11:05 AM
RE: DOC'S MILITARISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (GOD BLITZ THE WORLD)
Now, now. Put away all your gew-gaws and relics and pay attention. We were discussing the unreliability of Matthew when he quotes from the OT. We saw how he managed to turn 1 donkey into 2. Let's see if we can find another example.

In Mathew 27:9-10, speaking of Judas' suicide, he says, "Then what was spoken by Jeremiah the prophet was fulfilled: "They took the thirty silver coins, the price set on him by the people of Israel, and they used them to buy the potter's field, as the Lord commanded me."

This "prophecy" actually occurs in Zechariah, not Jeremiah. In Zechariah 11:12-13, we read, "I told them, “If you think it best, give me my pay; but if not, keep it.” So they paid me thirty pieces of silver. And the Lord said to me, “Throw it to the potter”—the handsome price at which they valued me! So I took the thirty pieces of silver and threw them to the potter at the house of the Lord."

The prophecy in Zechariah actually deals with God becoming tired of "his flock" and giving them over to be destoyed. It has nothing to do with the Messiah and yet Matthew happily plucks it out of context and applies it to Jesus because it happens to mention 30 pieces of silver.

Now, Christian scholars think that Matthew MEANT to say Jeremiah because there are a couple of passages in that book that talk about buying a field with blood money and some pieces of silver, specifically Jeremiah 19:1-13 and 32:6-9.

However, those passages have nothing whatsoever to do with blood money and even the price quoted is wrong. Jeremiah mentions 17 pieces of silver rather than 30. Zechariah is a much better fit for the prophecy. It is FAR more likely that Matthew made a mistake because he did not have a modern Bible or commentary like we do and could not find or forgot where the original passage was.

Doc
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07-02-2014, 11:31 AM
RE: DOC'S PACIFIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE KALPASUTRA)
(07-02-2014 11:05 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  Now, now. Put away all your gew-gaws and relics and pay attention. We were discussing the unreliability of Matthew when he quotes from the OT. We saw how he managed to turn 1 donkey into 2. Let's see if we can find another example.

In Mathew 27:9-10, speaking of Judas' suicide, he says, "Then what was spoken by Jeremiah the prophet was fulfilled: "They took the thirty silver coins, the price set on him by the people of Israel, and they used them to buy the potter's field, as the Lord commanded me."

This "prophecy" actually occurs in Zechariah, not Jeremiah. In Zechariah 11:12-13, we read, "I told them, “If you think it best, give me my pay; but if not, keep it.” So they paid me thirty pieces of silver. And the Lord said to me, “Throw it to the potter”—the handsome price at which they valued me! So I took the thirty pieces of silver and threw them to the potter at the house of the Lord."

The prophecy in Zechariah actually deals with God becoming tired of "his flock" and giving them over to be destoyed. It has nothing to do with the Messiah and yet Matthew happily plucks it out of context and applies it to Jesus because it happens to mention 30 pieces of silver.

Now, Christian scholars think that Matthew MEANT to say Jeremiah because there are a couple of passages in that book that talk about buying a field with blood money and some pieces of silver, specifically Jeremiah 19:1-13 and 32:6-9.

However, those passages have nothing whatsoever to do with blood money and even the price quoted is wrong. Jeremiah mentions 17 pieces of silver rather than 30. Zechariah is a much better fit for the prophecy. It is FAR more likely that Matthew made a mistake because he did not have a modern Bible or commentary like we do and could not find or forgot where the original passage was.

Doc

Just curious, have you written a book?
You have enough material in this thread alone Laugh out load

Atir aissom atir imon
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07-02-2014, 11:35 AM
RE: DOC'S PACIFIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE KALPASUTRA)
Im_Ryan,
Yes, I have. I don't promote it here because that would be against forum rules, but since you ask...see my very first post in this thread. A lot of what you read here is paraphrased from there. You can google it. Fair warning: The style of writing is different there. I aimed for a more scholarly tone, with much less snark.
Doc
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07-02-2014, 11:37 AM
RE: DOC'S PACIFIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE KALPASUTRA)
(07-02-2014 11:35 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  Im_Ryan,
Yes, I have. I don't promote it here because that would be against forum rules, but since you ask...see my very first post in this thread. A lot of what you read here is paraphrased from there. You can google it. Fair warning: The style of writing is different there. I aimed for a more scholarly tone, with much less snark.
Doc

Oh yeah, forgot about that. I always hit "Last page" so I haven't seen your first post in a while. I'll definitely check it out :thumbsup

Oh, and by the way, how'd you like Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter? Laugh out load

Atir aissom atir imon
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07-02-2014, 11:55 AM
RE: DOC'S PACIFIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE KALPASUTRA)
(07-02-2014 11:37 AM)Im_Ryan Wrote:  
(07-02-2014 11:35 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  Im_Ryan,
Yes, I have. I don't promote it here because that would be against forum rules, but since you ask...see my very first post in this thread. A lot of what you read here is paraphrased from there. You can google it. Fair warning: The style of writing is different there. I aimed for a more scholarly tone, with much less snark.
Doc

Oh yeah, forgot about that. I always hit "Last page" so I haven't seen your first post in a while. I'll definitely check it out :thumbsup

Oh, and by the way, how'd you like Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter? Laugh out load

Didn't go beyond the trailer which was so bad, I loved it. Jesus Christ. Vampires. Martial arts. What's not to like?
Doc
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