Doc's mephitic Sunday School (silent but deadly since 2013)
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29-07-2014, 02:57 PM
RE: Doc's furshlugginer Sunday School (we're mad about the Bible)
(29-07-2014 01:40 PM)docskeptic Wrote:  ... my latest creation.
Doc

All hail the creator.

Bowing

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30-07-2014, 08:12 PM
RE: Doc's furshlugginer Sunday School (we're mad about the Bible)
(29-07-2014 02:57 PM)DLJ Wrote:  
(29-07-2014 01:40 PM)docskeptic Wrote:  ... my latest creation.
Doc

All hail the creator.

Bowing

Bless the Maker and His water.
Bless the coming and going of Him.
May His passage cleanse the world.
May He keep the world for His people.

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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18-08-2014, 12:01 PM (This post was last modified: 18-08-2014 04:26 PM by docskeptic.)
RE: Doc's operatic Sunday School (waiting for the fat angel...)
Doc: Welcome back, class! I thought we could kick off the new semester by reinforcing the truth of the Bible by studying the prophecies in the Bible. Do you know that Jesus himself fulfilled over 300 prophecies given in the Old Testament? That proves that Jesus was the Messiah.

DLJ: Oh, yeah? Name one.

Doc (delighted): Certainly! Consider this one: The Messiah would be thirsty (Psa. 22:15).

DLJ (rolling his eyes): That's kinda non-specific. Everybody gets thirsty sometime or the other. Got another?

Doc (nervously): OK. OK. How 'bout this one? Psa. 38:11 says that his friends would stand far off.

DLJ (clucking his tongue): Seriously? You call that a prophecy? How do you know that's not because Jesus forgot his deodorant?

Doc (sweating): OK. This one's real specific. Matthew 2:6 says that he would be born in Bethlehem. Here's the verse, "But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah, are by no means least among the rulers of Judah; for out of you will come a ruler who will shepherd my people Israel.'" How could the prophet Micah predict that, of all the towns in Israel, the Messiah would be born in such an obscure little town?

DLJ: You idiot! Micah says nothing of the kind. Here's the complete verse: "“But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, though you are small among the clans of Judah, out of you will come for me one who will be ruler over Israel whose origins are from of old, from ancient times.” Micah is likely referring to the clan of Bethlehem, the son (or grandson) of Caleb and his second wife Ephrathah in 1 Chronicles 2. And the function of this ruler was to protect the Israelites from the invading Assyrians.

Notice how cleverly Matthew changed the quotation to read as if Bethlehem were a place rather than a clan.

Doc: Cor, love a duck!
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18-08-2014, 01:45 PM
RE: Doc's operatic Sunday School (waiting for the fat angel...)
You'll be pleased to know I learned my "Hail Mary" this Summer, on vacation.

Hail Mary, full of grace.
May someone hot, sit on your face.

That is how it goes, right ?

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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18-08-2014, 02:16 PM
RE: Doc's operatic Sunday School (waiting for the fat angel...)
(18-08-2014 01:45 PM)Bucky Ball Wrote:  You'll be pleased to know I learned my "Hail Mary" this Summer, on vacation.

Hail Mary, full of grace.
May someone hot, sit on your face.

That is how it goes, right ?

No,..Blasphemer. No

It begins like this.

Hail Mary full of grace and watchin'
Three pigs run a race.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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18-08-2014, 02:29 PM
RE: Doc's operatic Sunday School (waiting for the fat angel...)
Ya but Doc...what about the one where it said that messiah was supposed to be a great leader that wouid end all wars by defeating all his enemies?

Or am I jumping ahead?

I'll go sit in the corner.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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19-08-2014, 11:06 AM
RE: Doc's operatic Sunday School (waiting for the fat angel...)
(18-08-2014 02:29 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  Ya but Doc...what about the one where it said that messiah was supposed to be a great leader that wouid end all wars by defeating all his enemies?

Doc: Hmmm, not sure which prophecy you mean, but I have a good one! John 19:6 says that not one of Jesus' bones would be broken.

Mom: Psssh! Have you ever broken a bone?

Doc: No. Why do you ask?

Mom: Well, does that make you the Messiah? What else do you have?

Doc: Check this one out. Genesis 3:15 predicted that the Messiah would be born of a woman and Jesus fulfilled that prophecy to the letter!

Mom: Well, duh!

Doc: OK. OK. Maybe you were thinking of this prophecy. Ezekiel 28:25-26 says, "When I gather the people of Israel from the nations where they have been scattered, I will show myself holy among them in the sight of the nations. Then they will live in their own land, which I gave to my servant Jacob. They will live there in safety and will build houses and plant vineyards; they will live in safety when I inflict punishment on all their neighbors who maligned them. Then they will know that I am the LORD their God."
Doesn't the formation of the state of Israel prove the validity of this prophecy?

Mom: Doc, do you ever read the news?
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25-08-2014, 08:52 AM
RE: Doc's stereophonic Sunday School (preaching the gospel in surround sound)
Doc: OK. Moving right along. Did you know that the Bible is amazingly accurate when it comes to predictions? For example, the Bible predicts the invention of cars!

Revenant77x (startled): Wha..?

Doc: "Tis true. Just look at Nahum 2: 4, "The chariots storm through the streets, rushing back and forth through the squares. They look like flaming torches; they dart about like lightning." Isn't that a perfect description of a motor-car? And doesn't that prove the prescience of the Bible?

Revenant77x: Sounds more like an ad for 2 Fast 2 Furious. Anyway, that prophecy was specific for the destruction of Nineveh. It also describes spears and shields in the same section. What are those supposed to represent? And what happens when we all start driving electric cars? Will your prophecy still hold true?

Doc: What does the "x" in your name stand for?
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26-08-2014, 10:14 AM
RE: Doc's stereophonic Sunday School (preaching the gospel in surround sound)
Doc: Class, did you know that the Bible predicts the invention of the internet?

Im-Ryan: Geddoudahere! Al Gore is mentioned in the Bible?

Doc: Not exactly, but the Bible does describe the sending of messages by electricity. See, in Job 38:35, God says to Job, "Do you send the lightning bolts on their way? Do they report to you, 'Here we are'?" What can that mean today except for "You've got mail"?

Im-Ryan: You cretin. Job was using poetic license!

Doc: Actually, I'm American.
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26-08-2014, 12:39 PM
RE: Doc's stereophonic Sunday School (preaching the gospel in surround sound)
Doc, I'd like to know wtf Eezy-kill was smokin' in chapter 1? 'Cos that was some good shit. What's with the wheels and the beasts with 4 heads?

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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