Doc's mephitic Sunday School (silent but deadly since 2013)
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28-04-2013, 04:10 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Many weeks later…
Doc, haggard, unshaven and unkempt, staggers back into the classroom.

Chas: Where were you?

Doc: I went on a pilgrimage and visited some of those amazing relics that you talked about. For example, I saw a fingernail from the apostle Paul and the tail of the ass that Jesus rode into Jerusalem on. These relics were also described by John Calvin in his Treatise on Relics. Best of all, I met a man with the most amazing eyesight.

Chas: Why do you say that?

Doc: He said he saw me coming a mile off. He sold me this (holding up an empty bottle).

Chas: What is it?

Doc: This bottle contains the “han” or grunt of Joseph, the father of Jesus, which he made while splitting a log of wood. It was captured by an unknown observer in this bottle. I know that it is authentic because it is mentioned in the Confession Catholique by Agrippa d' Aubigné. I persuaded the man to sell it to me.

Chas: How much did he sell it for?

Doc: Just my life savings. But, poor fellow. I don’t think he knew what this bottle is really worth. But you know what they say about suckers.

Chas whispers to Erxomai: Should we tell him?

Erxomai, contemplating his toothpick with renewed interest: Nah. Why pop his bubble? Yo, teacher dude, you ever hear of something called “The True Cross”?
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28-04-2013, 08:18 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Doc, please get back to the holy book. If I remember correctly the worship of objects is condemned in several locations at least in the new testament. The old testament being very much altered by the new or at least I think it was.

We should only revere the holy words. Except of course when we must spill blood on the holy altar. Oops maybe not so much since the new testament, I do get confused at times.
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28-04-2013, 03:50 PM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(28-04-2013 08:18 AM)JAH Wrote:  Doc, please get back to the holy book. If I remember correctly the worship of objects is condemned in several locations at least in the new testament. The old testament being very much altered by the new or at least I think it was.

We should only revere the holy words. Except of course when we must spill blood on the holy altar. Oops maybe not so much since the new testament, I do get confused at times.

JAH,
You put your finger on the problem. Which holy book am I supposed to get back to? The Protestant one with only the OT and the NT? The Catholic one with the OT, NT and Apocrypha? One of the OT or NT pesudo-epigraphia which was "holy" at one point to someone or the other? The latter two are easier to lampoon because they contain some fantastic accounts like the ones I recounted earlier, but even the Protestant Bible has some strange stories to tell.

Consider Numbers 21:4-9. On their way to the Promised Land, the people complain against Moses because there was no food or water. To punish them, God sent "fiery serpents" among the people and "many Israelites" died. Upon hearing their cries, God relented and explicitly told Moses to make a bronze serpent, put it up on a pole and whoever looked at the serpent would then be saved. This is depite the fact that earlier in Exodus 20:4, God explicitly told the Israelites, "You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below."

How to reconcile the two stories? Christians, of course, have made the bronze serpent a "type" of which Jesus is the "anti-type". John 13:14, 15 says, "Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up that everyone who believes may have eternal life in him."

But what was the sequel to the story? Once the bronze serpent had accomplished its job, did God tell Moses to destroy it? Apparently not. For, in 2 Kings 18: 4, we read that King Hezekiah "broke into pieces the bronze snake Moses had made, for up to that time the Israelites had been burning incense to it. (It was called Nehushtan)."

Now, Hezekiah ruled Judah from ca. 715-687 BCE and the Exodus occured ca. 1400 BCE (by conservative reckoning). So, the serpent that God commissioned survived for 700 years or so as an idol in Israel. That means that it survived the rest of Moses's life, Joshua, the Judges, the reign of King David, "a man after God's own heart" and King Solomon, "the wisest man in the world". So, who was responsible for Israel's idolatry? A strong case could be made that God himself was culpable. The situation would be analogous to giving a child cyanide-laced candy and then blaming the kid for taking a lick.

And if the serpent was a "type" of which Jesus was the "antitype", then could worshipping Jesus be considered a form of idolatry?

The examples of relics I quoted earlier were extreme, to be sure, but it shows into what errors humans can fall if we abandon critical thought in favor of faith.

Doc
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29-04-2013, 03:02 PM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Doc: OK, class, time for our entomology pop quiz.

Universal groaning.

Doc: Now, now. You were warned about this quiz and this is an open book test, so I don't want to hear any complaints. Ready?

As part of the dietary laws God gave the Israelites through Moses, Lev. 11:20-23 says, "All winged insects that go on all fours are detestable to you. Yet among the winged insects that go on all fours you may eat those that have jointed legs above their feet, with which to hop on the ground. Of them you may eat: the locust of any kind, the bald locust of any kind, the cricket of any kind, and the grasshopper of any kind. But all other winged insects that have four feet are detestable to you".

A. Make a complete list of all the four-legged insects, winged or not, that the Israelites were permitted to eat.
B. Make a complete list of all the four-legged insects, winged or not, that the Israelites were not permitted to eat.
C. Make a complete list of all the four-legged insects, winged or not, in the world.

Your choice of a free homework pass or a CD copy of the song "Sodom and Gomorrah" by the Village People to the first one to respond.
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29-04-2013, 03:13 PM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(29-04-2013 03:02 PM)docskeptic Wrote:  Doc: OK, class, time for our entomology pop quiz.

Universal groaning.

Doc: Now, now. You were warned about this quiz and this is an open book test, so I don't want to hear any complaints. Ready?

As part of the dietary laws God gave the Israelites through Moses, Lev. 11:20-23 says, "All winged insects that go on all fours are detestable to you. Yet among the winged insects that go on all fours you may eat those that have jointed legs above their feet, with which to hop on the ground. Of them you may eat: the locust of any kind, the bald locust of any kind, the cricket of any kind, and the grasshopper of any kind. But all other winged insects that have four feet are detestable to you".

A. Make a complete list of all the four-legged insects, winged or not, that the Israelites were permitted to eat.
B. Make a complete list of all the four-legged insects, winged or not, that the Israelites were not permitted to eat.
C. Make a complete list of all the four-legged insects, winged or not, in the world.

Your choice of a free homework pass or a CD copy of the song "Sodom and Gomorrah" by the Village People to the first one to respond.

A: None since insects have 6 legs.
B: See A
C: See A

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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29-04-2013, 03:46 PM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(29-04-2013 03:02 PM)docskeptic Wrote:  Doc: OK, class, time for our entomology pop quiz.

Universal groaning.

Doc: Now, now. You were warned about this quiz and this is an open book test, so I don't want to hear any complaints. Ready?

As part of the dietary laws God gave the Israelites through Moses, Lev. 11:20-23 says, "All winged insects that go on all fours are detestable to you. Yet among the winged insects that go on all fours you may eat those that have jointed legs above their feet, with which to hop on the ground. Of them you may eat: the locust of any kind, the bald locust of any kind, the cricket of any kind, and the grasshopper of any kind. But all other winged insects that have four feet are detestable to you".

A. Make a complete list of all the four-legged insects, winged or not, that the Israelites were permitted to eat.
B. Make a complete list of all the four-legged insects, winged or not, that the Israelites were not permitted to eat.
C. Make a complete list of all the four-legged insects, winged or not, in the world.

Your choice of a free homework pass or a CD copy of the song "Sodom and Gomorrah" by the Village People to the first one to respond.

An apologist claiming that:

"the Biblical description of grasshoppers turns out to be exactly anatomically correct. Far from being an embarrassment to Bible believers, this passage bears sterling testimony to the accuracy and inspiration of Scripture. As always, arguments which claim that the Bible is wrong are themselves wrong, and the Bible still stands!"
http://www.icr.org/article/1844/

Unfuckingbelieveable!

Another answer "One answer I have heard is the Hebrew word root word used has several meanings; one suggestion is that this word translated above refers to on top of (in addition) to the leaping feet.
If this is the case then the question is faulty because the verse refers to insects with 4 walking legs in addition to those used for leaping. For example the locust walks on 4 and uses the other 2 primarily for jumping."

So jumping "legs" don't count? What a crock of dung beetle!

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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29-04-2013, 06:09 PM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Revenant,
Since you were the first to reply, would you like the free homework pass or the CD of "Sodom and Gomorrah" by the Village People? If you choose the latter, please send $5.99 for S & H.

So, the point I wanted to make is this: Why would God promulgate a law that CANNOT be implemented? Banning the consumption of four-legged insects is analogous to banning the consumption of unicorn meat.

Theists cannot claim that the text is corrupt here, since the description of insects with "four legs" is repeated at least twice.

Doc
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29-04-2013, 06:12 PM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(29-04-2013 06:09 PM)docskeptic Wrote:  Revenant,
Since you were the first to reply, would you like the free homework pass or the CD of "Sodom and Gomorrah" by the Village People? If you choose the latter, please send $5.99 for S & H.

So, the point I wanted to make is this: Why would God promulgate a law that CANNOT be implemented? Banning the consumption of four-legged insects is analogous to banning the consumption of unicorn meat.

Theists cannot claim that the text is corrupt here, since the description of insects with "four legs" is repeated at least twice.

Doc

I'm gonna go with illiterate goat herders for $1000, Alex.

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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30-04-2013, 07:36 AM (This post was last modified: 30-04-2013 07:56 AM by docskeptic.)
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Revenant77x: I'm gonna go with illiterate goat herders for $1000, Alex.

Doc: I'm sorry, Revenant. That is not a valid category. However, would you like to try "Mammals are for the Birds" for $500?

Revenant: Why not, Alex?

Doc: Why do you keep calling me Alex? Anyway, for $500, in a list of forbidden birds, this mammal was also forbidden to the Israelites by God.

Revenant: What is a bat?

Doc (surprised): A bat? Why, its a small flying mammal...

Revenant: No, no. That's my answer.

Doc: Oh, yes, I see! You are correct. In Leviticus 11:13-19 God says, "These, moreover, you shall detest among the birds; they are abhorrent, not to be eaten: the eagle and the vulture and the buzzard, and the kite and the falcon in its kind, every raven in its kind, and the ostrich and the owl and the sea gull and the hawk in its kind, and the little owl and the cormorant and the great owl, and the white owl and the pelican and the carrion vulture, and the stork, the heron in its kinds, and the hoopoe, and the bat."

Isn't that marvelous? The bat managed to evolve from a bird to a flying mammal in less than 2500 years!

Now, would you like to try the Daily Double?
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30-04-2013, 09:34 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
This made me LOL and of course I will take the Daily Double. Smartass Oh as a side note I was watching Jeopardy a few weeks ago and Religion was a category. Pastafarian was an answer so Go FSM.

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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