Doc's mephitic Sunday School (silent but deadly since 2013)
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14-05-2013, 06:56 PM (This post was last modified: 14-05-2013 07:03 PM by cjs.)
RE: DOC'S CHOCOTASTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE EAT THE WHOLE THING)
(Raises hand one more time)...Aren't only 144,000 supposed to make it? Since there are over a billion Christians, some people are gonna feel gipped when they arrive at the pearly gates Borg cube and the bouncer tells them to stay behind the velvet rope (yes, you, no not you ...)

Godless in the Magnolia State
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14-05-2013, 06:59 PM
RE: DOC'S CHOCOTASTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE EAT THE WHOLE THING)
(14-05-2013 06:48 PM)Cardinal Smurf Wrote:  
(14-05-2013 06:38 PM)docskeptic Wrote:  What would a city that's 1500 miles long, wide and high look like?

Sounds like a Borg Cube to me.

This just goes to show that the bible was written by the marketing dept. not engineering.

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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14-05-2013, 07:02 PM
RE: DOC'S CHOCOTASTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE EAT THE WHOLE THING)
(14-05-2013 06:56 PM)cjs Wrote:  (Raises hand one more time)...Aren't only 144,000 supposed to make it? Since there are over a billion Christians, some people are gonna feel gipped when the arrive at the pearly gates Borg cube and the bouncer tells them to stay behind the velvet rope (yes, you, no not you ...)

You aint gettin in here. Not with them shoes.

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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14-05-2013, 07:03 PM
RE: DOC'S CHOCOTASTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE EAT THE WHOLE THING)
Not enough glitter on our eyes

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15-05-2013, 08:26 AM (This post was last modified: 15-05-2013 08:59 AM by docskeptic.)
RE: DOC'S CHOCOTASTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE EAT THE WHOLE THING)
Doc: You know class, I've been thinking of the conception of Jesus. Why would God need a divine spermatozoon to fuse with Mary's ovum? Could he not create the embryo Jesus de novo in Mary's womb?

Fstratzero: Given the emphasis on David's bloodline, it makes no sense to create an embryo de novo within Mary's uterus that had no relationship to her own genetic makeup. Also, regardless of whether it was the divine spermatozoon or Mary's ovum or both that were custom designed to create the embryo Jesus, some genetic choices had to be made by the designing power. After all, it could not be left to random chance (as it is in the rest of us) to come up with the winning design for a Son of God. At the very least, Jesus had to have an XY genotype to ensure that he was a male. In addition, we know that Jesus probably had Semitic features and was of average height (the absence of comments to the contrary in the documents would suggest this) with dark hair and eyes. What other genetic choices did God accept or reject?

Doc: What do you mean?

Fstratzero: I mean did Jesus have a genetic predisposition for say, diabetes mellitus or Huntington's chorea? Was Jesus prone to hypertension, hypercholesterolemia, addictions, premature coronary artery disease, colon cancer, etc., all of which are partly genetic in origin? If not, he was at a decided advantage from the rest of us who make do with the roll of the genetic dice. If he could handpick his own DNA, how could Jesus be fully human? And how can he sympathize with us as it says in Heb. 4:15? Did Jesus know the sting of a cleft lip or a club foot? And if he did inherit these tendencies as part of being human, what does it mean to have a flawed deity?

Doc: Oy vey!
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15-05-2013, 02:27 PM
RE: DIRK'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WITH APOLOGIES TO D. ADAMS)
I'm not sure why he went to all that trouble when he could have just saved us (again with the nose twitching or Jeannie move). His plan of the above-debated complicated conception which culminated in murdering said son seems awfully laborious and brutal. But then he can't run the heavenly mcmansion cube town construction project either. If a human such as myself can think of better ways to do things, then he's not much of a deity. I think George Carlin had it right when he compared god's job performance so far to be like the incompetent office temp.

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15-05-2013, 02:34 PM
RE: DIRK'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WITH APOLOGIES TO D. ADAMS)
(15-05-2013 02:27 PM)cjs Wrote:  I'm not sure why he went to all that trouble when he could have just saved us (again with the nose twitching or Jeannie move). His plan of the above-debated complicated conception which culminated in murdering said son seems awfully laborious and brutal. But then he can't run the heavenly mcmansion cube town construction project either. If a human such as myself can think of better ways to do things, then he's not much of a deity. I think George Carlin had it right when he compared god's job performance so far to be like the incompetent office temp.

It is a solution looking for a problem. Saul had this spirit of Sacrifice (his Christos) based off of a mixture of Judaism, Mithraism, a touch of Horus and a splash of Greek Mystery Cults. It wasn't til later when the Christians of the 2nd and 3rd century tried to photoshop all of that into their cult that they ended up with this convoluted story.

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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15-05-2013, 03:09 PM
RE: DIRK'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WITH APOLOGIES TO D. ADAMS)
But if Jesus was the product of a singular holy sperm and Mary's ovum, wouldn't that make him just half a god, a Perseus of sorts? Maybe that's why it took 3 days to become a zombie instead of overnight or why he kicked the bucket at all while on the cross. Hell Prometheus was chained up like jesus but he had his liver eaten every day by an eagle and he survived for years in that state; now that's a god.
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16-05-2013, 07:01 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
Revenant77x: Hey Doc I remember hearing about a gospel of Jesus as a kid. They said he was like Dennis the menace. What's up with that?

Doc, pleased to be discussing something other than Jesus’s genes: Ah, yes! You are no doubt talking about the infancy gospels such as the Infancy Gospel of Thomas, the Arabic Infancy Gospel and the Protoevangelium of James. But I fail to see the connection with this Dennis the Menace character that you mentioned. Jesus is a little willful maybe but never naughty or destructive.

Revenant77x: Doc, have you actually read the documents? Thomas makes the child Jesus out to be an enfant terrible. Just look at some examples:
A. Jesus makes clay sparrows come to life and has them fly away to destroy the evidence that he was working on the Sabbath.
B. Bringing a dead, salted fish back to life.
C. Withering a playmate for disturbing some pools of water and then relenting and restoring the boy back to life, except for “a small member” which remained withered (Doc winces).
D. Cursing his own father Joseph, for pulling his (Jesus's) ear.
E. Killing a child for bumping into his (Jesus's) shoulder.
F. Putting his teacher into a coma for knocking his (Jesus's) head.
G. A friend of his named Zeno, falls from the roof and dies. Being suspected of the foul deed, Jesus reanimates the corpse and has it proclaim that he (Jesus) was innocent.
H. Being proclaimed “king” by his friends, they forced passersby to come and “worship the king, that you may have a prosperous journey”. Perhaps he even collected protection money from the travelers, but it does not specifically say so.
I. Turning three of his friends into goat kids for hiding in an oven during a game of hide-and-seek.
J. Blinding some Jews for accusing him of breaking the Sabbath.

Doc (sweating): Mere childish pranks. Nothing more.

Revenant77x: If outlandish stories such as these could pass for gospel (no matter how briefly) and given credit by the church fathers, how do we know that the four accepted gospels are not more of the same? You think Rod Serling read Thomas's gospel before he made “It’s a Good Life”?
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16-05-2013, 08:27 AM
RE: DOC'S HOLISTIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (WHERE WE TEACH THE WHOLE BIBLE)
(16-05-2013 07:01 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  Revenant77x: Hey Doc I remember hearing about a gospel of Jesus as a kid. They said he was like Dennis the menace. What's up with that?

Doc, pleased to be discussing something other than Jesus’s genes: Ah, yes! You are no doubt talking about the infancy gospels such as the Infancy Gospel of Thomas, the Arabic Infancy Gospel and the Protoevangelium of James. But I fail to see the connection with this Dennis the Menace character that you mentioned. Jesus is a little willful maybe but never naughty or destructive.

Revenant77x: Doc, have you actually read the documents? Thomas makes the child Jesus out to be an enfant terrible. Just look at some examples:
A. Jesus makes clay sparrows come to life and has them fly away to destroy the evidence that he was working on the Sabbath.
B. Bringing a dead, salted fish back to life.
C. Withering a playmate for disturbing some pools of water and then relenting and restoring the boy back to life, except for “a small member” which remained withered (Doc winces).
D. Cursing his own father Joseph, for pulling his (Jesus's) ear.
E. Killing a child for bumping into his (Jesus's) shoulder.
F. Putting his teacher into a coma for knocking his (Jesus's) head.
G. A friend of his named Zeno, falls from the roof and dies. Being suspected of the foul deed, Jesus reanimates the corpse and has it proclaim that he (Jesus) was innocent.
H. Being proclaimed “king” by his friends, they forced passersby to come and “worship the king, that you may have a prosperous journey”. Perhaps he even collected protection money from the travelers, but it does not specifically say so.
I. Turning three of his friends into goat kids for hiding in an oven during a game of hide-and-seek.
J. Blinding some Jews for accusing him of breaking the Sabbath.

Doc (sweating): Mere childish pranks. Nothing more.

Revenant77x: If outlandish stories such as these could pass for gospel (no matter how briefly) and given credit by the church fathers, how do we know that the four accepted gospels are not more of the same? You think Rod Serling read Thomas's gospel before he made “It’s a Good Life”?

You're kidding right Doc..er Rev? You made this stuff up, it can't possibly be in the Holy Scriptures...is it? I need a toke.

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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