Doc's mephitic Sunday School (silent but deadly since 2013)
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14-02-2014, 11:56 AM
RE: DOC'S DYSTOPIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (IN HEAVEN AS ON EARTH)
(14-02-2014 11:53 AM)Revenant77x Wrote:  
(14-02-2014 10:57 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  Doc: Settle down, class. Im-Ryan, I saw you with that spitball. Detention for 3 days. Now, time for another pop quiz! Here we go:

PHYSICS:

1. In 2 Kings 6:5-7, Elisha makes a sunken iron axe-head float by throwing a piece of wood in the water. Explain (with formulas) how wood can change the mass displacement of iron and change its buoyancy.
2. In Gen.9:12-16, God said that he created the rainbow to remind him never to destroy the entire earth with water. Explain (with optical diagrams) why optical refraction within water droplets and rainbows did not exist before the flood.

ASTRONOMY:

Using our state-of-the-art orrery, explain the following incidents:

1. In 2 Kings 20:11, God gave a sign to King Hezekiah by moving the shadow of the sundial back “10 degrees” or 40 minutes.
2. In Joshua 10:12-14, God listens to Joshua and makes the sun and moon stand still in the heavens for “about a whole day”.
3. In Mark 15:33, at the moment of Jesus' death, there was darkness over the whole earth for the space of three hours. Bonus points for explaining why, other than the Synoptists, no one else on earth remarked this incident.

ZOOLOGY:

1. In Gen. 3:1-5, a serpent speaks a human language.
2. In Num. 22:21-30, a donkey speaks a human language (for 1 and 2, use correct anatomical diagrams to explain your answer. Bonus points for identifying the language used.)
3. Lev. 11:20-21 says, "All fowls that creep, going upon all four, shall be an abomination unto you." Identify at least three birds that “creep upon all four” that were an abomination to the Israelites.

[Image: 1311763417814.jpg]

That's not an optical or anatomical diagram. Five points from Hufflepuff.
Doc
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14-02-2014, 12:00 PM
RE: DOC'S DYSTOPIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (IN HEAVEN AS ON EARTH)
(14-02-2014 10:57 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  Doc: Settle down, class. Im-Ryan, I saw you with that spitball. Detention for 3 days. Now, time for another pop quiz! Here we go:

PHYSICS:

1. In 2 Kings 6:5-7, Elisha makes a sunken iron axe-head float by throwing a piece of wood in the water. Explain (with formulas) how wood can change the mass displacement of iron and change its buoyancy.
2. In Gen.9:12-16, God said that he created the rainbow to remind him never to destroy the entire earth with water. Explain (with optical diagrams) why optical refraction within water droplets and rainbows did not exist before the flood.

ASTRONOMY:

Using our state-of-the-art orrery, explain the following incidents:

1. In 2 Kings 20:11, God gave a sign to King Hezekiah by moving the shadow of the sundial back “10 degrees” or 40 minutes.
2. In Joshua 10:12-14, God listens to Joshua and makes the sun and moon stand still in the heavens for “about a whole day”.
3. In Mark 15:33, at the moment of Jesus' death, there was darkness over the whole earth for the space of three hours. Bonus points for explaining why, other than the Synoptists, no one else on earth remarked this incident.

ZOOLOGY:

1. In Gen. 3:1-5, a serpent speaks a human language.
2. In Num. 22:21-30, a donkey speaks a human language (for 1 and 2, use correct anatomical diagrams to explain your answer. Bonus points for identifying the language used.)
3. Lev. 11:20-21 says, "All fowls that creep, going upon all four, shall be an abomination unto you." Identify at least three birds that “creep upon all four” that were an abomination to the Israelites.

Well, duh. These are all easy, and have the same answer. YHWH Almighty, Creator of the Universe and all natural laws, is not Himself constrained by those natural laws, and can suspend them or act outside them to display his Majesty and Glory. How do I know that? The Bible says so. How do I know the Bible is right? Because it is the word of God. How do I know that? Because the Bible says so. Geez.
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14-02-2014, 12:04 PM
RE: DOC'S DYSTOPIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (IN HEAVEN AS ON EARTH)
(14-02-2014 11:48 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  
(14-02-2014 11:38 AM)Im_Ryan Wrote:  God damnit! Err... what spitball teacher? I don't see anything... Angel
(I used to have a pen I could take apart, reassemble, and shoot paper with. When the teacher would look at me I'd push the clicker out and the pen would fall apart. So it just looked like I was playing with my pen.)


I had a debate with my dad about this. This was his explanation. I about laughed him out of the room.

You didn't use the orrery, though. 5 points from Gryffindor.

Doc

I'm the one person in the world who hasn't watched harry potter. Care to use different terminology?
(I know I know, I grew up with a religious family who thought that movie was "from the devil" so it's not my fault)

Atir aissom atir imon
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14-02-2014, 12:18 PM
RE: DOC'S DYSTOPIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (IN HEAVEN AS ON EARTH)
(14-02-2014 12:00 PM)meremortal Wrote:  
(14-02-2014 10:57 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  Doc: Settle down, class. Im-Ryan, I saw you with that spitball. Detention for 3 days. Now, time for another pop quiz! Here we go:

PHYSICS:

1. In 2 Kings 6:5-7, Elisha makes a sunken iron axe-head float by throwing a piece of wood in the water. Explain (with formulas) how wood can change the mass displacement of iron and change its buoyancy.
2. In Gen.9:12-16, God said that he created the rainbow to remind him never to destroy the entire earth with water. Explain (with optical diagrams) why optical refraction within water droplets and rainbows did not exist before the flood.

ASTRONOMY:

Using our state-of-the-art orrery, explain the following incidents:

1. In 2 Kings 20:11, God gave a sign to King Hezekiah by moving the shadow of the sundial back “10 degrees” or 40 minutes.
2. In Joshua 10:12-14, God listens to Joshua and makes the sun and moon stand still in the heavens for “about a whole day”.
3. In Mark 15:33, at the moment of Jesus' death, there was darkness over the whole earth for the space of three hours. Bonus points for explaining why, other than the Synoptists, no one else on earth remarked this incident.

ZOOLOGY:

1. In Gen. 3:1-5, a serpent speaks a human language.
2. In Num. 22:21-30, a donkey speaks a human language (for 1 and 2, use correct anatomical diagrams to explain your answer. Bonus points for identifying the language used.)
3. Lev. 11:20-21 says, "All fowls that creep, going upon all four, shall be an abomination unto you." Identify at least three birds that “creep upon all four” that were an abomination to the Israelites.

Well, duh. These are all easy, and have the same answer. YHWH Almighty, Creator of the Universe and all natural laws, is not Himself constrained by those natural laws, and can suspend them or act outside them to display his Majesty and Glory. How do I know that? The Bible says so. How do I know the Bible is right? Because it is the word of God. How do I know that? Because the Bible says so. Geez.

No diagrams or orrery use. You must stand in front of the Whomping Willow for 5 minutes.

Doc
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15-02-2014, 03:38 AM
DOC'S DYSTOPIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (IN HEAVEN AS ON EARTH)
(14-02-2014 12:04 PM)Im_Ryan Wrote:  
(14-02-2014 11:48 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  You didn't use the orrery, though. 5 points from Gryffindor.

Doc

I'm the one person in the world who hasn't watched harry potter. Care to use different terminology?
(I know I know, I grew up with a religious family who thought that movie was "from the devil" so it's not my fault)

Go watch all of them now. We'll wait...

He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy! -Brian's mum
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15-02-2014, 04:43 AM
RE: DOC'S DYSTOPIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (IN HEAVEN AS ON EARTH)
(14-02-2014 12:04 PM)Im_Ryan Wrote:  
(14-02-2014 11:48 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  You didn't use the orrery, though. 5 points from Gryffindor.

Doc

I'm the one person in the world who hasn't watched harry potter. Care to use different terminology?
(I know I know, I grew up with a religious family who thought that movie was "from the devil" so it's not my fault)

seriously! grown ass adult never seen harry potter.... make your own decisions, man! Tongue
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15-02-2014, 06:17 AM
RE: DOC'S DYSTOPIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (IN HEAVEN AS ON EARTH)
There must be a spell to auto-install the entire series into his brain.
*waves wand*
"Ignoratium est in oculis locus"
Fucking Muggle. My magic don't work on weekends.
Maybe Jebus can do it.

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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15-02-2014, 06:46 AM
RE: DOC'S DYSTOPIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (IN HEAVEN AS ON EARTH)
(12-02-2014 12:14 PM)docskeptic Wrote:  ...
And what does God have against camel toes?

I've been chewing on this for a while now.

It's on the tip of my tongue but I can't quite put my finger on it.

Consider

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15-02-2014, 07:07 AM
RE: DOC'S DYSTOPIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (IN HEAVEN AS ON EARTH)
(14-02-2014 10:57 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  ...
3. In Mark 15:33, at the moment of Jesus' death, there was darkness over the whole earth for the space of three hours. Bonus points for explaining why, other than the Synoptists, no one else on earth remarked this incident.

1. In Gen. 3:1-5, a serpent speaks a human language.
2. In Num. 22:21-30, a donkey speaks a human language (for 1 and 2, use correct anatomical diagrams to explain your answer. Bonus points for identifying the language used.

3. There was an eclipse.
It covered the 'whole' earth because the earth used to be flat.
Other people did document it in their, now long lost, blogs but they were tl;dr and only the Synoptist's Synopsises survived.

1. Hiss-panic
2. Ass-yrian

And Ryan, you're not the only. Not read it, not watched it.

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15-02-2014, 08:41 AM
RE: DOC'S DYSTOPIC SUNDAY SCHOOL (IN HEAVEN AS ON EARTH)
(14-02-2014 10:57 AM)docskeptic Wrote:  ASTRONOMY:

Using our state-of-the-art orrery, explain the following incidents:

2. In Joshua 10:12-14, God listens to Joshua and makes the sun and moon stand still in the heavens for “about a whole day”.

OK Doc, I'll answer your question. Since we now know that the earth revolves around the sun at a rate of 67,062 mph or 107,300 kmp for the illusion of the sun to "stand still" in the heavens the earth would have to come to a stop. Since everything on it, including humans, would still be traveling at those enormous speeds we would be hurtled into space!

The only way I see humans being able to hold on and not be hurtled is if god had given us super-strength Velcro beforehand! That's my answer...Velcro!

How did I do?

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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