Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
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14-01-2016, 08:10 AM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
What we traditionally call love is a combination of things ranging from lust and genuine compassion to the pathological jealousy that comes along with culturally imposed pair bonding standards that go against our biological instincts. It can last, but it doesn't just happen, and is in decline simply because a lifetime bond doesn't provide the adaptive advantage it did just a short time ago. We're becoming more reliant on ourselves, the government, and post industrial cultural adaptation and less reliant on the traditional family unit.

As it becomes less relevant to our survival, we'll feel less of a need to make it work without any perceived benefit.

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14-01-2016, 09:06 AM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
I like to believe true love exists. I've been in love a few times. I do think people can confuse love and lust or the initial feelings of the excitement and passion of a new rship with love. I think love is something that grows over time. I think a world without love would be a very sad, cold existence.

I also think love can be sustained for the long haul. I think often times people get comfortable in rships and stop trying. When one or both people stop trying, a rship can be very hard to sustain.

I think it's important for both partners to make an effort in their appearance, keep sex exciting (tantric sex, kama sutra, sex different places, watching porn together, role play etc), not take each other on for every little thing, and respect each others differences. I also think rships work best when you are best friends with the person. Where you enjoy spending time with each other and have similar interests. I also think it's important to go on adventures with each other--it keeps life exciting and can spice up your rship.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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15-01-2016, 06:24 PM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
I'm a natural skeptic. For me to believe it, there has to be evidence. There has to be proof. There has to be scientific validity.

All that said, I can tell you that true love exists. I've been in love for almost 20 years. And, 20 years from now I'll tell you I've been in love for almost 40 years.

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When ignorance reigns, life is lost
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15-01-2016, 06:36 PM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
Girly and Manly fell in love going on some 35 years ago now. More in love now than ever.

#sigh
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15-01-2016, 06:48 PM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
Depends on the definition of love. Love is one of things that not many people can agree on a definition for Tongue. Similar to the question of when life begins.

I don't think familiarity breeds contempt, I just think certain (probably most) people (when they expose their habits and mannerisms) are incompatible. For instance I'm not compatible with somebody who farts nonchalantly or somebody who is a racist. I wouldn't know those things about most people unless I became familiar with them to a point where they would share. The problem isn't being familiar, the incompatibility exists whether or not you are familiar with the person.

Finding a lover...or a roommate even, is a huge effort of finding somebody who is compatible with you. IMO, this is the most difficult part of relationships. I think it's also why we reveal only certain aspects of ourselves to certain people (e.g. your "work" persona vs your "chilling with friends on the weekend" persona vs your "Saturday morning in bed with my sweetheart" persona.)

Also, some people have very low tolerance towards others with conflicting ideals/habits. In other words, their likelihood of find somebody who is at an acceptable level of compatibility is even lower!

Anyways, at this point I'm just rambling. But it's an interesting subject.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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15-01-2016, 08:07 PM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
(14-01-2016 06:51 AM)DLJ Wrote:  It exists.

It's just not very useful. An evolutionary misstep.

Drinking Beverage

Actually, it is very useful - otherwise it would have been discarded by natural selection.

It is a mechanism to insure the raising of the young of the species.

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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15-01-2016, 08:15 PM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
Familiarity can breed contempt if you don't have your shit together.

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15-01-2016, 08:18 PM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?



Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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15-01-2016, 08:25 PM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
I think it exists but it is way more rare than we imagine it is.

Need is common and I think need gets substituted for love quit a bit. Eventually need diminishes or changes and when love is not really there, the relationship fails. Too many times we call the basis for one kind of relationship "need" something else for fear our need won't be met if we are truly honest about it. We are trained, in fact, to call it love, when actually it is something else altogether... usually it's simply need.

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15-01-2016, 08:26 PM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
I'm a hopeless romantic, so I believe love exists. Some might say that love is just a surplus of oxytocin production in the brain, but I think that conclusion is too simple and incomplete. I've loved and lost (and grown through it all). I believe in a lot of the sappy crap that's marketed, commercially, too.

jennybee is on the money, in regards to doing new things to keep it fresh.

But what do I know? Not a lot. Just some very subjective thoughts so far in my short journey in life.
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