Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
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22-01-2016, 08:35 AM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
(22-01-2016 07:02 AM)Tomasia Wrote:  
(21-01-2016 03:59 PM)julep Wrote:  I'm a child of divorce, married to my one and only husband for 20 years this coming Wednesday. I'm my husband's second marriage. My father is divorced from his first wife and married a fellow divorcee; they have been married for about 22 years now. My husband is a once-divorced child of divorce, but his brother and sister have both been married only once, both will hit the 20-year mark in the next couple of years.

I have a lot of friends who have are still married to their first spouse and have been married for 15, 20, 25 years. In fact, most of my married friends have never been divorced, even the ones with divorced parents.

I don't think failing at one marriage means someone is incapable of sustaining a long-term relationship. Failing at two or three, yes, that might mean that for that individual, other relationships turn out to be more important, but it has nothing to do with whether "true love" can be experienced and sustained by that person.

It's basically the odds of landing on heads on a coin flip. You can point out all the folks you know that landed on heads, but there still an almost equivalent amount who had the unfortunate luck of landing on tails.

The only thing you've established is that divorce is more common among people who've had experience of it, not that it renders those people incapable of finding and sustaining a loving relationship. That's why I responded with my anecdotal experience, as it goes beyond the statistics.

Your implication seems to be that being divorced means that 1) your kids are fucked in terms of being able to sustain a longterm relationship, 2) the divorced people are fucked in terms of being able to sustain a longterm relationship, and 3) the divorcing parties were narcissists or sociopaths.

I get that you were initially speculating about why a couple of the posters on this thread have such assholish views of relationships and the opposite gender, and you were blaming divorce--maybe because you feel superior to people who haven't been divorced? I vehemently disagree that divorce makes children into misogynistic bullies incapable of sustaining relationships, and you haven't posted any statistics that indicate such.
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22-01-2016, 09:42 AM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
(22-01-2016 08:35 AM)julep Wrote:  
(22-01-2016 07:02 AM)Tomasia Wrote:  It's basically the odds of landing on heads on a coin flip. You can point out all the folks you know that landed on heads, but there still an almost equivalent amount who had the unfortunate luck of landing on tails.

The only thing you've established is that divorce is more common among people who've had experience of it, not that it renders those people incapable of finding and sustaining a loving relationship. That's why I responded with my anecdotal experience, as it goes beyond the statistics.

Your implication seems to be that being divorced means that 1) your kids are fucked in terms of being able to sustain a longterm relationship, 2) the divorced people are fucked in terms of being able to sustain a longterm relationship, and 3) the divorcing parties were narcissists or sociopaths.

I get that you were initially speculating about why a couple of the posters on this thread have such assholish views of relationships and the opposite gender, and you were blaming divorce--maybe because you feel superior to people who haven't been divorced? I vehemently disagree that divorce makes children into misogynistic bullies incapable of sustaining relationships, and you haven't posted any statistics that indicate such.

You've added all those implications not me. The predominance of divorce, the effects on children, the greater odds of divorcing the second time around, and even greater odds of divorce if you marry the third time around, suggest that for many people, a good chunk of our population, close to half in fact, are not particularly good as sustaining long term loving relationships.

This doesn't mean that this half is a bunch of sociopathic assholes. In fact they're no less human than the rest of us, buy they're endemic of the fact that our basic human social skills haven't give us mastery over these sorts of relationships. And a very common, and routinely available version of love, is quite finicky and temperamental. The sort that fades overtime, and so easily discarded, than it leads many people to become so jaded to imagine than love doesn't not exist.

Many people will even argue that these sort of long term commitments, are something we're not naturally inclined too.

"Tell me, muse, of the storyteller who has been thrust to the edge of the world, both an infant and an ancient, and through him reveal everyman." ---Homer the aged poet.

"In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men. The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it."
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22-01-2016, 10:02 AM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
(21-01-2016 06:20 PM)Metazoa Zeke Wrote:  
(21-01-2016 02:55 PM)cjlr Wrote:  Those are by now pretty unambiguous theses when it comes to social science. As for field, I'm not sure why sociological research would be published in psychological contexts...

Anyway, here are some publications from just the last month on the general topic area.

Damn, I hate papers I gotta pay for, but they look good.

I sometimes forget not everyone lives at a university.
(though... what sort of journals would a public library have access to, these days?)

(21-01-2016 06:20 PM)Metazoa Zeke Wrote:  And I do hate sociology, no matter who it is cited by, but what I hate shouldn't matter in the game of learning.

That is indeed just silly. There's woo and bunk dressed up in the guise of every field, but that shouldn't deter from real investigation.

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22-01-2016, 11:26 AM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
(22-01-2016 10:02 AM)cjlr Wrote:  That is indeed just silly. There's woo and bunk dressed up in the guise of every field, but that shouldn't deter from real investigation.

I know, I said what I hate doesn't matter in the game of learning.

[Image: Guilmon-41189.gif] https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOW_Ioi2wtuPa88FvBmnBgQ my youtube
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22-01-2016, 11:49 AM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
(22-01-2016 11:26 AM)Metazoa Zeke Wrote:  
(22-01-2016 10:02 AM)cjlr Wrote:  That is indeed just silly. There's woo and bunk dressed up in the guise of every field, but that shouldn't deter from real investigation.

I know, I said what I hate doesn't matter in the game of learning.

Sure, but I don't understand how you'd even get to the point of "hate"? Sociology is merely a field of inquiry. Nothing more.

I mean, by analogy, Dr Oz is an idiotic shill, but it would be just as dumb to therefore "hate" real dietary science...

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22-01-2016, 11:57 AM (This post was last modified: 22-01-2016 12:04 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
Can't believe I haven't grounded this yet. I blame pablo.







Baby don't hurt me.


]

There is only one really serious philosophical question, and that is suicide. -Camus
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22-01-2016, 12:04 PM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
(22-01-2016 11:57 AM)GirlyMan Wrote:  Can't believe I haven't grounded this yet. I blame pablo.




[video=youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lx15RANQiKM[/video
Baby don't hurt me.


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22-01-2016, 12:11 PM (This post was last modified: 22-01-2016 12:19 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
Ha. The physicist beat my edit. Big Grin

But what about love?










There is only one really serious philosophical question, and that is suicide. -Camus
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22-01-2016, 12:28 PM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
(22-01-2016 12:11 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  Ha. The physicist beat my edit. Big Grin

But what about love?





















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22-01-2016, 12:29 PM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
GM, you forgot --



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