Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
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22-01-2016, 12:35 PM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
Because fuck it, why not?




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22-01-2016, 12:41 PM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
(22-01-2016 09:42 AM)Tomasia Wrote:  
(22-01-2016 08:35 AM)julep Wrote:  The only thing you've established is that divorce is more common among people who've had experience of it, not that it renders those people incapable of finding and sustaining a loving relationship. That's why I responded with my anecdotal experience, as it goes beyond the statistics.

Your implication seems to be that being divorced means that 1) your kids are fucked in terms of being able to sustain a longterm relationship, 2) the divorced people are fucked in terms of being able to sustain a longterm relationship, and 3) the divorcing parties were narcissists or sociopaths.

I get that you were initially speculating about why a couple of the posters on this thread have such assholish views of relationships and the opposite gender, and you were blaming divorce--maybe because you feel superior to people who haven't been divorced? I vehemently disagree that divorce makes children into misogynistic bullies incapable of sustaining relationships, and you haven't posted any statistics that indicate such.

You've added all those implications not me. The predominance of divorce, the effects on children, the greater odds of divorcing the second time around, and even greater odds of divorce if you marry the third time around, suggest that for many people, a good chunk of our population, close to half in fact, are not particularly good as sustaining long term loving relationships.

This doesn't mean that this half is a bunch of sociopathic assholes. In fact they're no less human than the rest of us, buy they're endemic of the fact that our basic human social skills haven't give us mastery over these sorts of relationships. And a very common, and routinely available version of love, is quite finicky and temperamental. The sort that fades overtime, and so easily discarded, than it leads many people to become so jaded to imagine than love doesn't not exist.

Many people will even argue that these sort of long term commitments, are something we're not naturally inclined too.

Your words:

"I wonder about those here who believe love doesn't exist, as to what sort of love they've afforded to others, and more importantly what sort of love has been afforded to them? Some folks grew up in shitty homes, with shitty parents, who didn't know the next thing about love, and probably never really loved their children. If such children grew up to believe that love doesn't exists, or to take an overtly pessimistic and cynical view of it, that's understandable. I guess the same can be said of children of divorce, or those who are divorced themselves. It seems difficult not to be jaded by such circumstances."

I don't think I'm adding any implications whatsoever to what you said, just calling you on it.
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22-01-2016, 12:43 PM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
(22-01-2016 12:41 PM)julep Wrote:  Your words:

"I wonder about those here who believe love doesn't exist, as to what sort of love they've afforded to others, and more importantly what sort of love has been afforded to them? Some folks grew up in shitty homes, with shitty parents, who didn't know the next thing about love, and probably never really loved their children. If such children grew up to believe that love doesn't exists, or to take an overtly pessimistic and cynical view of it, that's understandable. I guess the same can be said of children of divorce, or those who are divorced themselves. It seems difficult not to be jaded by such circumstances."

I don't think I'm adding any implications whatsoever to what you said, just calling you on it.

Oh, come now, julep.

It's hardly fair to hold the poor man to the actual words he literally said, is it, now?

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22-01-2016, 01:22 PM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?



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22-01-2016, 01:48 PM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?



#sigh
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22-01-2016, 02:11 PM (This post was last modified: 22-01-2016 02:15 PM by Bucky Ball.)
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
(21-01-2016 01:15 PM)Tomasia Wrote:  
(21-01-2016 12:22 PM)julep Wrote:  I would disagree that it's anywhere near as rare as you claim. Certainly most marriages that end in divorce do not do so because one or both partners are sociopaths or narcissists, so most children of divorce still have plenty of experiences of long-term, unconditional love from their parents and others. It's true (or so I've read) that children of divorce tend to be more cautious about entering marriage, but that doesn't mean they don't have the skills to manage a long-term relationship. Those skills are basic human social skills, and there is nothing special or unique about them.

The facts of the matter is if your parents are divorced, you're 40% more likely to get divorce yourself than those whose parents aren't divorced. Close to half of all marriages end up in divorce. If you get married again after your first divorce, your second marriage is even more likely than your first to end in divorce.

While we all might have some basic human social skills, they haven't particularly served us well in maintaining long-term relationships, at least for a good half of our population. Basic human social skills, have allowed us to tolerate each other, live without wanting to kill each other, make some practical agreements, but as to maintaining a deep and meaningful long term relationship, that itself appears to have proven quite difficult.

When we see people who have maintained a loving long term relationship with each other, we don't see them as a norm, but as folks who found something that appears rare. But our basic human relationship, our most common ones, even with friends and family, are not particularly a thing to envy, though they tend to be as decent as it can get for many of us.

So, what's so bad about divorce ? Human pair-bonding evolved to raise children.
Marriage works for some, and not for others. If children see miserable parents in a relationship they don't have the guts to end, that is not healthy .. in fact, seeing their parents move on in a civil manner, may be a great life-lesson.

The notion of marriage, as we think of it today, is exceptionally recent in human history. Maybe humans have not had time to adjust to the notion. In the 16th Century it was a contract, initiated by parents. In the 17th Century that changed somewhat, and began to include the idea that it might include "love".
The idea it might include "romance" (as Hollywood portrays it), is barely 100 years old.
Humans experience : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Habituation
A relationship that doesn't change over time is not possible.

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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22-01-2016, 03:27 PM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?



#sigh
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22-01-2016, 03:44 PM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?



#sigh
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22-01-2016, 03:46 PM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?


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22-01-2016, 03:55 PM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
It's easy.



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