Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
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15-01-2016, 08:59 PM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
Yes and yes, but not necessarily.
Can work only if it's based on abiding respect, (which basically you have no control over).
If you're both basically "whole and OK alone" you can *bring* that. If you're together cuz you think you "get something missing", it's doomed.
No one can "make" you whole or happy. If you've never been happy alone, you will never be happy together.

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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15-01-2016, 10:40 PM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
Love is just a chemical reactiion that compels animals to breed. People apply woo-like connotaton to this phenomena, but woo is woo nonetheless. Everything about intimate relationships between the sexes holds basis in mating imperatives. Once you accept this as the truism that it is - and once you realise that these imperatives care not about 'fairness' but only about increasing the probability for the species continued existence - love loses all mysticism and all allure.
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15-01-2016, 10:46 PM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
Also, an addition to my post. I don't think familiarity breeds contempt but boredom and predictability can. It's work to keep any relationship lively, satisfying and happy. When you give up on the effort you're already gone, you just haven't packed up and left yet.

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16-01-2016, 12:51 AM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
Been married 26 years now. Love evolves through time. At first sex with the beloved is all you think about. And truly, sex with someone you're deeply in love with is better than any drug out there. But after time things cool down slightly, especially after children come along but if a couple is patient and keeps plugging along things get better. Love changes with age, it becomes a different kind of love than in the first decade. The other person you love becomes part of who you are, like a leather glove that, after being worn for years, fits the hand exactly.

Love ebbs and flows. There are times I'm in love with my husband like it's our first date and then other times it's kind of, meh ....whatever. But it's nothing to panic over, I mean, couples can't always be in the throws of passion because then no one would ever go to work or pay the bills or take the dog for a walk.

So yes, Banjo. Love can be sustained and it does exist and familiarity in my case has breed more love, a cozier kind of love. It's pretty neat.

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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16-01-2016, 06:46 AM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
Like dancefortwo said.

But, I say that people mistake sex drive for love. That's not love, that's being horny. If you base a marriage or relationship just on that giddy feeling, or how aroused looking at the person makes you, the whole thing will likely not work anymore once the sexual instincts wear off. Then you start seeing the real person and if you are lucky you like them.

Sexual love does not necessarily turn into like, but like does turn into real love over time.

I was lucky like that same as dancefortwo, I too fell for the sex first. But, having had plenty of experience before, I had learned to heed red flags in people's behavior instead of glossing them over like one does during the sex love phase. So while still sex based, I saw the person behind the penis more clearly.

Love that lasts 60 years is not the sex drive that set it into motion. It matures and becomes a deep friendship and partnership. It becomes a different and I think deeper love than you feel for your birth family if you chose a partner that harmonizes with you. Sex can become more caring and, in my opinion, better as you get to know each other well. You don't engage in it because you are driven by the instinct to procreate but because you want to spend some fun time pleasuring each other.

The saying "love is blind" refers to the fact that, when sexually infatuated, people overlook everything else. There are always plenty of red flags, but they get in the way of that pleasurable sexual infatuation and so we overlook them.

Choosing a bed partner and choosing a life partner are not the same thing. Sex and love are not the same thing. But when you find them in the same person, you hit the jackpot.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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16-01-2016, 07:26 AM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
(15-01-2016 10:40 PM)Gilgamesh Wrote:  Love is just a chemical reactiion that compels animals to breed. People apply woo-like connotaton to this phenomena, but woo is woo nonetheless. Everything about intimate relationships between the sexes holds basis in mating imperatives. Once you accept this as the truism that it is - and once you realise that these imperatives care not about 'fairness' but only about increasing the probability for the species continued existence - love loses all mysticism and all allure.

Every impulse we have is the end result of a chemical reaction. I'd agree that knowing this decreases the mysticism, but not the allure. Hunger is also chemically produced, but knowing this doesn't prevent me from enjoying good food. It merely helps me understand why I do.

'Murican Canadian
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16-01-2016, 07:36 AM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
I fall in love easily. I have been married five times, and besides that in probably 20 live together arrangements. I find myself answering "I love you too." when a new girl decides to tell me that she loves me. Sometimes the first time we get intimate. I can stay in love as long as she treats me with respect and doesn't invent accusations about "Other women." THat usually kills it for me.
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16-01-2016, 07:58 AM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
Opposite here, and not by choice :/ I do not easily develop intimate connections.

The first time I can say with certainty that I fell in love with someone, whether romantically or in the sense of family, was when I fell in love with an illegal alien I met at a Chinese restaurant lol. For a relationship I already knew was doomed, I lost my security clearance and gave up an otherwise promising career. I was well into my 20s at the time and honestly unsure if I was even capable of feeling anything for anyone, and well aware of the chemical nature of emotions in general. Nonetheless, one day, blam, there it was.

'Murican Canadian
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16-01-2016, 08:09 AM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
(16-01-2016 07:26 AM)yakherder Wrote:  
(15-01-2016 10:40 PM)Gilgamesh Wrote:  ...
and once you realise that these imperatives care not about 'fairness' but only about increasing the probability for the species continued existence - love loses all mysticism and all allure.

...
I'd agree that knowing this decreases the mysticism, but not the allure.
...

Ditto that.

Allure's the thing. Self-control's the antidote.




Self-control is over-rated.

Angel

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16-01-2016, 08:16 AM
RE: Does love exist or can be sustained? Does familiarity breed contempt?
Well, having matured in the sex, drugs and rock and roll era, I came to see a huge difference between a sexually based relationship and love. Although in a way I did love my sexual partners, most of these "loves" were not tenable for long in other life situations. So, like derfisch, I have had many loves.

I married two til death did us part. The first died young (fucking cancer) and probably would not have worked in the long run anyway. I was together with the second for 30 years (again, fucking cancer).

I think that love isn't defined properly and it's not really possible to have a real conversation about it. Everyone has a different concept in mind.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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