Don't Be A Dick
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04-01-2015, 06:59 AM
RE: Don't Be A Dick
Thanks for playing Atothetheist.

(03-01-2015 06:23 PM)Atothetheist Wrote:  Courtesy is of general importance in social matters.

Ok, why?

In person, face to face, courtesy helps avoid physical violence, and I'm sure we all agree that's a value to be pursued.

Physical violence is not a possibility on net forums, so we need to keep moving to understand why courtesy is of such importance here.

Quote:This forum is social, and therefore social customs are to be expected and especially encouraged when having a discussion.

Ok, why? I'm not arguing with you, but trying to dig deeper.

Why is it important that Poster A not type "you suck" to Poster B? Yes, because Poster B is likely to react. Why do they react?

Quote:Not many people listen to the opinions of assholes.

Fair enough, good point. Why?

What I'm trying to tease apart here are two things that are usually happening together. Our interest in a topic, and our interest in our ego.

What often (usually?) happens on forums is that our interest in our ego overwhelms our interest in the topic. So apparently, our ego is quite important to us. Why? Why does it matter to us what anonymous strangers say in our direction?

In real life, it's easier to see. We will likely be connected to family members our entire life, so if we attack them or they attack us, that can have long lasting significant repercussions. We can see the practical issues here without much difficulty.

But net forums are very different. This is a VERY temporary relationship we are having. We don't even share our real names with each other. If you or I should leave the forum, two days after we're gone we'll be forgotten forever.

And so, the issue of courtesy would seem to take on a new meaning. For some reason, even in this environment we still REALLY REALLY care about what these temporary anonymous people say about and to us.

Quote:What does "being a dick" mean?

Quote:To be intentionally hurtful for the sake of it, to stifle discussion and generally be a rude asshole.

Sounds right to me.

Let's say Poster A is intentionally hurtful in Poster B's direction. Why is Poster B likely to take Poster A's problem, and make it in to their own problem?

If Poster B does this, it would seem they are announcing that anyone on the net who says, "BOO!" can have immediate control over Poster B's brain.

Is that rational?

Quote:And why is it important that we not "be dicks"?

Quote:To be a dick is to be intentionally hurtful, and that is bad for the sake of it being hurtful to someone else. It is something I have tried my best to avoid. Successful or not, I do my best.

Thank you for that. And I try my best too, but um, my best ain't all that great... :-)

Even though much of our dickness can just be dickness and nothing more, there can be a value to putting the dickness on the table, and observing our reaction to it.

Quote:I find it ridiculous when people expect the mods to protect their egos or emotions. That should not be a job the mods have. If you can't control yourself and you get angry, that's on you.

Yes, agreed. It's like if we have trash in our yard. It's our yard, and our job to clean up the trash there.

Same thing with our brain. It's not your job to clean up the trash in my brain.

Which again raises the question, why do I then demand that you be courteous? Why not take responsibility for my own brain and my own experience instead?

One of the very cool things about forums is that we can explore such questions, because the threat of physical violence is removed. For the record, I'm definitely not suggesting physical violence is the victim's problem to deal with.

Quote:Hopefully I have fulfilled your requirements.

Yes, you indeed surely have. Thank you a good faith effort to advance the thread!
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