Down the Rabbit Hole
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16-03-2016, 09:36 AM
RE: Down the Rabbit Hole
(16-03-2016 06:31 AM)Atothetheist Wrote:  I had to eat crow and apologize, but they still leave me alone. My friend got denied from his dream school, and I was not allowed to comfort him because the other friend was there and they didn't want friction. One of us had to be left out of being the role of friend, and they chose me.

Hug

Sometimes friends can be real jerks.

Don't let those gnomes and their illusions get you down. They're just gnomes and illusions.

--Jake the Dog, Adventure Time

Alouette, je te plumerai.
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16-03-2016, 11:01 AM
RE: Down the Rabbit Hole
(16-03-2016 06:31 AM)Atothetheist Wrote:  I had to eat crow and apologize, but they still leave me alone. My friend got denied from his dream school, and I was not allowed to comfort him because the other friend was there and they didn't want friction. One of us had to be left out of being the role of friend, and they chose me.

I may only have a couple close friends, but I'm glad they dont pull this kind of crap on me.

Near will be home after 5:30 pm our time tonight. You know our number if you need to vent. Okay?
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16-03-2016, 11:05 AM
RE: Down the Rabbit Hole
I'll try my hardest to keep him from hitting on you. But I cant promise anything. Tongue
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16-03-2016, 02:48 PM
RE: Down the Rabbit Hole
Steven ...may I call you Steven?
Your origin story as tragic as it was. Sounds pretty Epic. I know I may be out of place here. But you've made it from Russia to America. You survived a Russian orphanage. That's sounds pretty bad ass. I've had the privilege, or meeting some foster kids in my life. And there story's while in foster care sound strikingly simaler to yours from being moved around in the system. Do you know the Author Leo Tolstoy? If not the author maybe his works War and Peace, is his most famous.

A life lesson I've also learned is you can't buy friend ship. I've had more friends then i've had enemy's and and more enemy's then i've had true friends. I could probable count on one had the number of people that I would trust with my life. The type of friends that don't take jokes as insults and that i've been able to lean on in the hardest of times.

Your still young. 19 or 20. around there right? I didn't meet most of the people i've been able to depend on till I was 24, and even then it took me 8 years to realize it.

Right now the best advice I can give is worry about #1 for now. Get your health back. I know I wouldn't feel happy if we lost you. Your one of the good ones and we could use more people like you in this world.

[Image: il_fullxfull.242613150.jpg]

I'll share a simaler life story.
In college I was very timid, and very loanly. I had gotten to know this small group of girls that we refered to as the 15 girls. (there was only 6 of them but that's another story) They would come to when they wanted me to pick up beer. They'd give me the money and I'd go and pick it up. Even when extra money was offered I turned it down because I wanted them to see me as the nice guy and maybe help me find a girl. You know earn brownie points. A year passes and I realized that i was just an errand boy for them. I had some class projects that I needed help with (Nothing hard just voiceless actors or back ground assistance) But time and time again they where always to "busy" (Smoking weed, drinking, partying) or had prior plans. At that point I realized I was just a lap dog. They never invited me to any partys, they never offered to help me out in times of need. and when I was going threw emotional trauma they couldn't get out of the room fast enough. So I stopped getting them beer. And then suddenly I was the asshole. They stopped talking to me all together, they started talking shit behind my back. And even when I would say hello I would get blatantly ignored. I was a tool. Not a friend.

So we come to today. I haven't talked with them in 12 years. Not a tear has been shed. Most of the people I knew in high school I haven't talked to in around 16. I've meet new people. Only one friend from that time I still talk to regular and i'm going to be at his wedding in about a month. the rest have faded into obscurity. Sure i'll see their kid photos from time to time on face book. But I haven't hung out with them in many many years.

So what did I do? I moved on. If they didn't see me for the person I was then why bother. I hate high school drama. I to fucking old for it. I've built up a pretty thick skin threw the years but its mostly because I just stopped giving a shit about what others think about me. I am who I am. I did a lot of soul searching and came to terms with my flaws.

Sorry for the long talk. Hope you feel better.

Don't Live each day like it's your last. Live each day like you have 541 days after that one where every choice you make will have lasting implications to you and the world around you. ~ Tim Minchin
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17-03-2016, 04:10 PM
RE: Down the Rabbit Hole
(16-03-2016 02:48 PM)Commonsensei Wrote:  Steven ...may I call you Steven?
Your origin story as tragic as it was. Sounds pretty Epic. I know I may be out of place here. But you've made it from Russia to America. You survived a Russian orphanage. That's sounds pretty bad ass. I've had the privilege, or meeting some foster kids in my life. And there story's while in foster care sound strikingly simaler to yours from being moved around in the system. Do you know the Author Leo Tolstoy? If not the author maybe his works War and Peace, is his most famous.

A life lesson I've also learned is you can't buy friend ship. I've had more friends then i've had enemy's and and more enemy's then i've had true friends. I could probable count on one had the number of people that I would trust with my life. The type of friends that don't take jokes as insults and that i've been able to lean on in the hardest of times.

Your still young. 19 or 20. around there right? I didn't meet most of the people i've been able to depend on till I was 24, and even then it took me 8 years to realize it.

Right now the best advice I can give is worry about #1 for now. Get your health back. I know I wouldn't feel happy if we lost you. Your one of the good ones and we could use more people like you in this world.

[Image: il_fullxfull.242613150.jpg]

I'll share a simaler life story.
In college I was very timid, and very loanly. I had gotten to know this small group of girls that we refered to as the 15 girls. (there was only 6 of them but that's another story) They would come to when they wanted me to pick up beer. They'd give me the money and I'd go and pick it up. Even when extra money was offered I turned it down because I wanted them to see me as the nice guy and maybe help me find a girl. You know earn brownie points. A year passes and I realized that i was just an errand boy for them. I had some class projects that I needed help with (Nothing hard just voiceless actors or back ground assistance) But time and time again they where always to "busy" (Smoking weed, drinking, partying) or had prior plans. At that point I realized I was just a lap dog. They never invited me to any partys, they never offered to help me out in times of need. and when I was going threw emotional trauma they couldn't get out of the room fast enough. So I stopped getting them beer. And then suddenly I was the asshole. They stopped talking to me all together, they started talking shit behind my back. And even when I would say hello I would get blatantly ignored. I was a tool. Not a friend.

So we come to today. I haven't talked with them in 12 years. Not a tear has been shed. Most of the people I knew in high school I haven't talked to in around 16. I've meet new people. Only one friend from that time I still talk to regular and i'm going to be at his wedding in about a month. the rest have faded into obscurity. Sure i'll see their kid photos from time to time on face book. But I haven't hung out with them in many many years.

So what did I do? I moved on. If they didn't see me for the person I was then why bother. I hate high school drama. I to fucking old for it. I've built up a pretty thick skin threw the years but its mostly because I just stopped giving a shit about what others think about me. I am who I am. I did a lot of soul searching and came to terms with my flaws.

Sorry for the long talk. Hope you feel better.

Thanks.

[Image: 0013382F-E507-48AE-906B-53008666631C-757...cc3639.jpg]
Credit goes to UndercoverAtheist.
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17-03-2016, 08:00 PM
RE: Down the Rabbit Hole
[Image: gigan_hugs_megalon_by_drbuffalo-d6rucwe.jpg]

[Image: Guilmon-41189.gif] https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOW_Ioi2wtuPa88FvBmnBgQ my youtube
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20-03-2016, 02:37 AM
RE: Down the Rabbit Hole
I've written a suicide note. It talks about my loneliness, my pain, and it talks about how I felt scared. The one thing I didn't want to happen during my fight for health was to be alone, and I ended up being alone. I needed my friends, but I didn't want them to be forced to come to my aide. I wanted them to come naturally.

Sadly, they were too busy once again to see my struggling to continue this fight. I've asked for people to hang out with me every single day, and they always have plans. Some of them don't respond. It feels like I am just someone that exists. I've lied to my friends, because I felt like I needed to. I told them that I had cut out everything that hurts. For the most part, that's true. However, I can't sleep, and the nights bring the pain with it. What's the point of fighting when no one is in your corner? I just came back from a late night walk, and I was severely tempted to just run into the woods, find a nice place and freeze to death.

I don't think I have the guts to do it, to end it, but I've thought about it so many times within the past few days that its become an escape, each death scenario more heartbreaking, more powerful than the last. Just now, I thought about dying in my sleep, and the reactions of people when they found out, and I can't find anybody in real life that would give a shit. Sure, people would cry, but they would cry at the death, not at the fact that they lost a person in their life.

I've talked to my parents about this, about all of it, and they have no idea what to do. They don't want the hassle of another son needing therapy. My dad refuses to think I am failure because he thinks I'm his last chance at raising a child "successfully."

I've stared death in the face, and now I am beginning to think of him as my only friend.

-Steven C.

[Image: 0013382F-E507-48AE-906B-53008666631C-757...cc3639.jpg]
Credit goes to UndercoverAtheist.
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20-03-2016, 02:45 AM
RE: Down the Rabbit Hole
IF YOU'RE STILL READING HOLD ON.

POST MORE!

Please keep posting/interactive with people
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20-03-2016, 02:49 AM
RE: Down the Rabbit Hole
(20-03-2016 02:45 AM)Peebothuhul Wrote:  IF YOU'RE STILL READING HOLD ON.

POST MORE!

Please keep posting/interactive with people

Relax. I'm pretty certain nothing will come of this.

[Image: 0013382F-E507-48AE-906B-53008666631C-757...cc3639.jpg]
Credit goes to UndercoverAtheist.
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20-03-2016, 02:53 AM
RE: Down the Rabbit Hole
You stay close.

I'll be at home in half an hourcand skype to you

If I can drivecacross my city for Banjo you deserveca good talking too.
Hug
Smile
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