Drama over my voice again. I'd like to wake up now!
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25-04-2015, 10:23 PM
Drama over my voice again. I'd like to wake up now!
I was walking down across that place again, and one with the yellow shirt was there. I turned on my voice recorder, because last time (A year ago) I had had quite enough talking to whoever, and them going insane, treating me as a monster (basically). It's made me crazy for some time, after my sister said really mean things!

While I was walking on top of some wood she said "watch your step" or something like that. I walked a little, stopped and thought ":dodgy: Isn't that the one last time that acted like a troll to me for saying 'hi' back?" (Yeah. Pretty much ANYTHING I say or any move I make, this bitch thinks she's being attacked or something!) So I turned to her and said "You must be the one from July last year." She said "God! What an ass!"

I thought "YEP! And here we go with her judgmental bull crap again!" I said. "Speak for yourself! I just said 'you must be the gal from July last year.' Aren't you the one that last year, when I said 'hi' you went ape shit? Are that one that went ape shit last time I said 'hi' last year? I'm sorry you don't like my voice, hunny, but it's the way it is! I was born with it! Get over it! You're quite a hypocrite. I'm thinking of calling a lawyer. I don't know why YOU'RE being pissed off."

Her "I SAID BE CAREFUL! Angry"

Yeah. I know! DUHHHHHHHH!! And like so many people... you take my voice and blow it WAY out there!

Me "Chill out! Oh my god!"

Someone "So why are you yelling?" First off..... I wasn't yelling! I was trying very hard to be civil while you're throwing insults at me, calling me a bitch for being curious!

Me "all I said was 'are you the lady that was over there last July last year'?" I said this very calmly, in fact. I know, because it's right here on my voice recorder!

Her "NO!"

(I really, REALLY don't believe her. She's acting EXACTLY like before. She said "Hi. Happy July." I said "hi" back out of breath, and she mumbled a negative impression of me under her breath. Then I said "No. I'm just saying 'hi' back to you." I forgot what, but something she said made me want to clear this up, and be heard better, so I had trotted back across the street. She suddenly gave me wide eyes and was like "OH MY GOD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" I again told her "No. I'm just trying to say 'hi' back to you.

(Miss July had then replied "What's your problem?!" I thought "WOW! Angry Fuck you, ass hole!" I then said "What's you're problem, bitch?" turned and started to walk away. THEN miss July had to say a no no. "YOU NEED TO GO GET SOME PILLS, BITCH!" I took that as a fight picking, and turned right back around and walked behind her. "you're the one that needs god dammed pills! Angry" She said "You don't want none of this BITCH!" I yelled way louder than her. The dogs were barking for twelve blocks. "'hi' is not a fucking attack word! Don't fucking talk to me like that! 'hello' is not an attack word! GET A LIFE!)

Moving on with today...
So this other joins in, thinking I'm talking to her, when really I'm dealing with this INSANE one in the yellow shirt!

Yellow says "No." (I don't believe her! I really don't!) She goes on and on and on with her victim complex blabber. I'm saying "No.. STOP... STOP!" as in be quiet! It's my turn to talk!

she says all victimly "No, you stop!"

Me "I said first..." and then she HAS to interrupt with "Oh go on.." I try, this other person comes over and says "Try to explain." I was trying! Yellow wouldn't fucking STOP! "I'm trying." I practically whispered. "She's going ape shit."

Yellow "I didn't stop." Dodgy No shit. Really? you'd have heard what I FUCKING SAID IF YOU'D LISTEN! "If you'd have say 'think you' and keep walking. I said don't slip and fall."

Why couldn't "ok" or a nod or a question do it for her kind? EVEYRTHING I SAY OR DO she takes personally! Apparently, she has a MOLD she wants everyone to fit in. (And here we arrive at why I'm fed up with humanity! What am I?! A computerized doll to boot with steal toes when a 'beep' isn't as chirpy as you anticipated by HIGH STANDARD?! You wonder why people with Aspergers hate the typical world so much!)

Me being treated like I'm dumber than mud. SHOCKER! "I got that. I'm trying to explain my side."

Yellow "THERE AIN'T NO SIDE. I would say if there was a side to a story!"

ME "Yes there is. I'm trying to give my side... "

Yellow "Just go awayyy...."

other girl "You all calm down."

Yellow "Then why she's standing there."

Me "Because you're picking a fight with me. You're yelling at me. you're getting pissed off. You're picking a fight with me."

Yellow "A fight?.." Yeah play dumb. Anything I say.... anything I do, you say "ass" or "bitch" and you act like I'm some piece of shit. Then when I try to say ANYTHING for discussion AT ALL, you just get pissier and pissier. You simply will not listen to the smallest utterance from me, because you can't get over the sound of my voice!

me "Yeah. You're threatening me."

Yellow "Yeah. I said ' be careful' and she stopped in her tracks and said 'what did you say?!" That lie really pissed me off!

Me "No! I did not say that!" Because it's fucking NOT!

Yellow 'smugish' "What DID you say then?!"

She continues blabbering on personal shots at me. Oh poor her this and that.. oh how BITCHY it is for me to "walk on and say nothing." Everything I say she gets pissed off!

Me "I did not say that." She continues going on and on. This guy there along with the other gal at this point are like Dodgy and the guy is trying to calm everyone down now. But I have just had it and yelled "I'VE GOT A VOICE RECORDER RIGHT HERE! AND THIS IS EXACTLY WHY!" Angry

He starts trying to 'calm me down,' I'm thinking "Oh my GOD! I'm so sick of this crap!" I said "I've been trying... GOD! I'm calling a god dammed lawyer. I'm not going to take this crap."

(I'm just so very tired of someone else treating me like a monster just because of my voice! I've had it from strangers and family alike, EVEN DURING TIMES THAT I WAS SMILING! I've had an anger drug put into my coffee once, just because I told an employee why my FACE was red! It feels like EVERYONE ELSE is allowed to just be free to play all they want, while I get forced into a TOY DOLL MOLD!! Weeping I don't want to see that stupid BITCH AGAIN! Why not get a restraint? Right?! Everything attempt to be friendly to her at all, she shits all over... When are people going to stop giving me their hate and just FUCKING LISTEN TO ME?! It's not HARD! GOD DAMMIT! Why do regular people have to hate someone who's different on such an deep level?

(kick me out of a play because I tell someone I know what my lines are? Get called a domestic abuser by my sis. because I said "that doesn't mean I can't turn them in" to mum who thinks I handed her a tone I didn't!?)

Me "I tried to tell you what I actually said. Why don't YOU be quiet and actually listen." They always call themselves great listeners. So this other girl asks to talk to me over at the side of the apartments. I say "ok." FINALLY, I'm allowed to repeat that I said what I actually said. "I said 'are you that gal that was over there on that corner in July of last year'?" We exchanged hugs, she talked for a long time, sharing a sad story about herself. She shared that she lost her kids, and her sister, and when she tries to move away from drama, she lands in more drama. Eventually, I go home to type this. I told her "OK. I'll try to work on this little part of myself." (As in, don't reply to a loon like Yellow shirt there.)

Truly, I wish I knew what could make things better for this other person. It's like she's just trying to make it through every day, feeling invalidated, judged and unacknowledged. Sad She has to also deal with so and so all the time. So fine, I'll ignore miss crazy over there for her sake. Dodgy
......

I'm so dam tired of my voice box being treated like a monstrosity. Watching most of the rest of the world play away.

Saying Hi and being called a bitch.

Saying "yes' and no matter if I'm comfortable or in glee, being chewed out because it sounded too sharp for their liking.

Hearing "Don't BE A STUPID BITCH!" over the phone for telling some idiot for the fifth time there was no Carol at our number.

Being told "I'm just doing my job, LADY!" when I ask for information.
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25-04-2015, 10:28 PM
RE: Drama over my voice again. I'd like to wake up now!
I'm sorry if this is in that post somewhere, but it's kind of confusing without knowing; what exactly is wrong with your voice?

Popcorn I put more thought into fiction than theists put into reality.
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25-04-2015, 10:28 PM (This post was last modified: 25-04-2015 10:32 PM by Lienda Bella.)
RE: Drama over my voice again. I'd like to wake up now!
And yes. I know a few people will be nice and act supportive here. Thank you for that.

... But someone, I can almost guarantee after each thread I post in a haven forum like this one for over 11 years now...

Someone or other is going to tell me I'm a crybaby or whatever wrong I'm supposed to FIX with myself.
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25-04-2015, 10:29 PM (This post was last modified: 25-04-2015 10:41 PM by Lienda Bella.)
RE: Drama over my voice again. I'd like to wake up now!
(25-04-2015 10:28 PM)CleverUsername Wrote:  I'm sorry if this is in that post somewhere, but it's kind of confusing without knowing; what exactly is wrong with your voice?

I speak. People hear a bold brawd instead of what they expected, and think "you bitch," because they put words and tones into their heads. Most times, I don't talk on peoples' level, and they think I'm slow. One interviewer at Dairy Queen told me "If I stick you up at the register, you're just going to stand there quiet, and looking like an idiot!" This was before I did the garage register for over a year. My Male friend with Aspergers has a good idea what I'm talking about.
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25-04-2015, 10:44 PM (This post was last modified: 25-04-2015 10:47 PM by Lienda Bella.)
RE: Drama over my voice again. I'd like to wake up now!
I'm not 100% the regular type on language. I have social expressions, but not all of them are the same thing as it if for other people. Very few expressions but... rrrgg.

More like 98%. If we met in person, you'd immediately think "Average white lady." Then when I'd say something... I don't know you so...

If you sat my Dad, my male friend, my uncle and me side by side, this certain thing would be quite obvious.

I've met people who were being friendly just to persuade me to slowly go into their definition of normal, because they think it would be better for me. I've had other people scream in my face for the same reason. Some people focus on the flaws I have, while most of the world makes occasional mispronunciations, has bad days, and so on. It's like because I'm that tiny little bit off, I'm supposed to get the ONE AREA that's difficult just right! Kind of like telling people who speak native French to instantly and smoothly learn Navajo. The rest of the class gets to make mistakes, because they know some of it, but the French kid gets to sit in the corner thinking "What did I do wrong again?"
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25-04-2015, 11:39 PM
RE: Drama over my voice again. I'd like to wake up now!
Hug


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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25-04-2015, 11:41 PM
RE: Drama over my voice again. I'd like to wake up now!
mean people suck, and I'm sorry you seem to find so many sucky people.

Hug


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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26-04-2015, 04:25 PM
RE: Drama over my voice again. I'd like to wake up now!
Clap Hug
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26-04-2015, 06:58 PM
RE: Drama over my voice again. I'd like to wake up now!
I am very happy that you feel like you can come here and get things off your chest.

It's always good to see you here.

Heart

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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27-04-2015, 05:45 PM
RE: Drama over my voice again. I'd like to wake up now!
Can you make money with this voice of yours? Smile
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