Drama over my voice again. I'd like to wake up now!
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30-04-2015, 11:08 PM (This post was last modified: 30-04-2015 11:35 PM by Lienda Bella.)
RE: Drama over my voice again. I'd like to wake up now!
I was bullied as a child in school. I didn't play with other kids at recess for most of my school experience for a reason. I didn't talk very much to anyone in general.

I went into middle school, and met an unforgettable friend when I was cowering by myself near the front doors. By then, I'd pretty much reached my limit with the insults. I went into homeschooling and met kids that seemed too friendly and confusingly odd because of it. The friend I had met in middle school kept contact and meant everything to me. It really made me sad to lose someone who wanted me. My mom was feeling bad for me to. Meanwhile, my Dad nit picked.

I skated at a skate park and he came to pick me up. He asked "Do the new skates work ok?" I had been skating in circles non-stop for two hours and was just looking forward to going home. I said "yes" in my blank mode, which pissed him off. He wiggled in his seat making a "bitchy bully mouth" impression, which really hurt my feelings a lot. I tried defending myself, probably saying "All I said was yes." But, as he does, he let my ears hear every disgusting insult he could think at the time. How he can't wait to see me get fired due to my oh so super bitchiness, and that everyone hates Lienda because she talks like an ass hole. Yatta yatta. He had a rage face he would pull. He did this a few times for mistakes like accidently breaking a chip off of the corner of a tile someone else was holding, or dropping a hot dog. I started to get very frustrated at mistakes and would punch myself just above the right knee in frustration. A couple of times he yelled at me for that, calling me a jerk with a bad attitude that nobody would respect.

So, I got a self-hitting disorder. There were months on end that I would have a bruise there for a while. I would do it in front of my family. We were looking for a video game cartridge that was for a really old set. I had said sarcastically "Where is it? Buried in the ground?" He got pissed off and ripped into me again with how a being a bitch like that will never get me to be anything. He did this on occasion, and I cried really hard the first few times.

Then when I was a much happier adult, I started getting this from complete strangers recently. My dad got pissed off at me saying "Yes, I'm ready." after he frustrated asked me "-.- Are you ready yet?" He once again wiggled in his car seat, impersonating me as little miss bitchy lips. I said "ok. If you're going to be like this, you can go by yourself." I didn't even want to go to stupid church! He got out, and he would do what I hated so very much. He chewed me out a bunch of hateful insults again, with his index finger into my face and the nail barely scraping my skin (quite irritating). He grabbed my arm and moved his hands in opposite directions, suggesting to me that he wished to break my arm. Like I even TRIED looking for a battle. I was in a good mood when he started even. Like I even THOUGHT about doing shit! I've been avoiding it for a long time. I loath the very idea of being mocked or insulted, but it happens anyway. 'twitch twitch' Hobo

I was involved in plays. One day, after thinking I integrated with the group, we were in the wood shop painting and practicing lines. All of a sudden, the other girl just blurts out my lines for me. (Kind of rude, but I let it go entirely.) I told her, simply to inform "I know what my lines are." She moved her hands in a scissor snip motion and said "You don't need to be bitchy about it!" She went to rinse her brush, and I went over and told her "Maybe you're the bitch and not me." I then went outside, because my Dad didn't know where I was and had to find me. I went back in and she had the entire cast around her. She was weeping up a storm for them. They scowled like they wanted to dash across the room and punch me, so I went back outside. They replaced me later with someone who happened to be an enemy of mine. SHE glared and scowled also. After that, I was gossiped about and ridiculed by over half the campus' theater folks! I was rejected from Narnia because "Oh, didn't you hear about what a big BITCH she's been to the entire crew?"

No. I had thought I was friends with that crew till that night. Dodgy We seemed to be getting along till then.

I tried being assistant director for another play, and the cast shunned every order I gave them when I was left in charge. They laughed, didn't rehearse while she was out for a few minutes... Before and during that time line, I would get suggested the simplest two tasks for helping the crew for a few semesters. Painting or sewing. They seemed to think I was dumb. One of the teachers asked me "Are you going to be an ass hole to my traveling troupe?" Yay gossip. Later, I moved to a big city and learned about Aspergers. I thought a few stories made perfect sense. Yes. People who posted their experience really helped more than they know. They helped greatly. Still, I would text simple things, someone would misread and get up a pissing match with me once in a year.

My mom acted like a victim when I said "that doesn't mean I can't turn then in," my sister sent walls of mean text (She's clueless about my experience), I get "DON'T BE SUCH A BITCH!!" over the phone by someone who can't grasp for the fifth time that Carol isn't at our number, and yellow shirt two blocks down goes nuts despite if I talk to her or not. I've been wondering all year when someone is going to chomp next.
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30-04-2015, 11:18 PM (This post was last modified: 30-04-2015 11:42 PM by Lienda Bella.)
RE: Drama over my voice again. I'd like to wake up now!
(30-04-2015 09:29 PM)mecanna Wrote:  I have an aunt whose tone of voice and inflections are not those of an "average" person. She's gotten a lot of shit over the years for it. It seems people think she talks that way on purpose to belittle them. No, that's just how she talks. It's ridiculous how strangers react.

Yeah! Thanks. She could be in her happy, integrating, witty mode and people will misunderstand, yeah?

Pretending to be witty and cute is usually a no no with me.
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01-05-2015, 04:00 AM
RE: Drama over my voice again. I'd like to wake up now!
Maybe you suffer from....RBF. It's a serious disorder. I have a few really sweet (and some not so sweet) coworkers that suffer from it.

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Tongue



Sorry it's tough. Hug

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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01-05-2015, 07:14 AM
Re: Drama over my voice again. I'd like to wake up now!
I'm afraid when others suffer from my RBS I often hear, "Why are you so serious?" "Who pissed in your Cheerios?" "Who are you thinking about killing?" And such..
Angel

My aunt, in contrast, could be smiling pleasantly and someone will take offense at how she says something.
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01-05-2015, 06:36 PM
RE: Drama over my voice again. I'd like to wake up now!
Resting bitch face?..... Have you seen my image post?
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01-05-2015, 06:44 PM
RE: Drama over my voice again. I'd like to wake up now!
(01-05-2015 06:36 PM)Lienda Bella Wrote:  Resting bitch face?..... Have you seen my image post?

No. Just being silly. Laughter helps me cope, thought it could help with some of the frustration.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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01-05-2015, 06:45 PM
RE: Drama over my voice again. I'd like to wake up now!
My former MIL had RBF. Yes
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01-05-2015, 06:51 PM
RE: Drama over my voice again. I'd like to wake up now!
Heheh. Thanks.
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02-05-2015, 04:04 PM
RE: Drama over my voice again. I'd like to wake up now!
(01-05-2015 06:51 PM)Lienda Bella Wrote:  Heheh. Thanks.

Have you ever tried working with a speech pathologist or a speech therapist? Sometimes they can help with voice inflections and the tone of the voice. It might be covered by insurance too. My husband does a lot of acting on stage and goes to a voice coach to keep his voice in shape. There is a crossover between a speech therapist and a voice coach. It's almost the same thing. Then there are voice coaches that work with singers and that's a different animal altogether.

A speech pathologist works with stroke patients and people who stutter or have other difficulties with their speech. I think they have more medical training.

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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02-05-2015, 04:45 PM
RE: Drama over my voice again. I'd like to wake up now!
Wait, do you have speech problems? I thought people just disliked your tone of voice.

I'm kind of curious to hear it by the way. Consider

孤独 - The Out Crowd
Life is a flash of light between two eternities of darkness.
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