Emotional baggage
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12-10-2015, 12:42 PM
Emotional baggage
I won't get too much into detail, but about three years ago, my brother committed a major felony and ruined his life. It's the kind of situation where many people in his position would commit suicide. This resulted in a lot of stress and dysfunction in the family, especially with regards to conflict with my father. He had something like a mental breakdown and threatened me and my brother (I should probably mention my father's an alcoholic, and I'm pretty sure he abuses sleep medication and alcohol).

Fortunately there was no physical violence, but there was a chance of it escalating to that. Basically, I now have a ton of emotional baggage related to these events, and I don't know when I'll feel at peace from it, or exactly how to do that. Lately, I've been attempting to get myself some kind of a daily routine, and focusing on improving mental health in general. I don't think I'm depressed, but there is residual stress, and I often dwell.
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12-10-2015, 02:15 PM
RE: Emotional baggage
Very interesting. I noticed from you profile that you are 23 years old so I'm going to presume your brother is a little older or little younger. If he committed a felony that ruined his life at that age, it must be one of the 2 million sexual offenses on the books that carry a life on parole/life on probation sentence that keeps him out of jail but makes it all but impossible to get and keep a job. [In america we don't give a fuck about rehabilitation and forgiveness, we just want to beat the shit out of an offender for life. That is an important american value.]

Your father's dysfunction is not doing anybody in your family any good. Sleeping pills and booze are a damned deadly combination. He is probably sicker than your brother who actually needs and deserves some emotional support. You and your bro need to take your old man out behind the barn with hickory stick and "make a man out of him." Or, better yet, you and your brother need to move away because your bro ain't going to get healthy in that environment.

By way, tell your bro that you ran into an old criminal defense lawyer on the internet and the only felonies that are truly "life ruining" are the ones where the defendant allows american cocksuckers to humiliate him for life.
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13-10-2015, 07:37 AM
RE: Emotional baggage
I think an important thing to remember thru all of this is that you can only control yourself.

Others will do shitty things- you can only control how you react and respond to them.

You can ask & suggest others to behave in a certain way but it doesn't mean they will. You only have control over your response to those actions/inactions.

It's important for you to know who to share with and who to keep at arms length and who to avoid when possible and who to never allow into your life.

in other words....take care of you. Heart


many family problems are like onions, you have to work thru the issues one layer at a time.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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18-10-2015, 09:37 AM
RE: Emotional baggage
Your father's drinking likely had a lot to do with how your brother turned out. You need to join a group that deals with the families of alcoholics, or private counseling. Both will help you understand what goes on with chemical abusers. These groups never tell you what to do but will ask good questions and help you arrive at your own conclusions. Their goal is to help you find peace from this anguish.
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18-10-2015, 10:47 AM
RE: Emotional baggage
(18-10-2015 09:37 AM)Takelababy Wrote:  Your father's drinking likely had a lot to do with how your brother turned out. You need to join a group that deals with the families of alcoholics, or private counseling. Both will help you understand what goes on with chemical abusers. These groups never tell you what to do but will ask good questions and help you arrive at your own conclusions. Their goal is to help you find peace from this anguish.

^This^ I would also look into getting some professional help to deal with some of these issues. All of that is a lot for anyone to handle on their own. And of course, you always have us to talk to Hug

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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18-10-2015, 11:47 AM
RE: Emotional baggage
You may find this helpful, or at least a jumping-off point:

Adult Children of Alcoholics

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
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18-10-2015, 11:55 AM (This post was last modified: 18-10-2015 12:17 PM by Anjele.)
RE: Emotional baggage
Keep in mind that you didn't do whatever it is that your brother did. You are your own person. You need to take care of you, your brother is an adult, I presume, and he needs to address and tend to his own issues.

Being the adult child of an alcoholic can be quite a challenge but it certainly doesn't lead everyone to a disaster of a life. There are good books on the topic, I used to have several but am not sure that I still have them...I will look to see if I can find some titles.

Maybe some counseling for you is in order. You are in a mess that isn't of your own making...a good counselor can help with that.

Good luck to you...I hate to hear that you are dealing with so much.


**edit**I have gotten rid of most of the books that I had...searching Amazon reminded me of a couple...

An Adult Child's Guide to What's 'Normal' Paperback – September 1, 1990
by John Friel (Author), Linda D. Friel (Author)

This one is good for many issues...

Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life Paperback – January 2, 2002
by Susan Forward (Author), Craig Buck (Author)

I did notice there are a couple other books free for Kindle.

Maybe do a search and read the summary and some of the reviews...since you are here, I assume you don't want anything that is heavily religious in nature.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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