Emotional issues?
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17-11-2013, 10:49 PM
Emotional issues?
I guess i should start this post out by providing some sort of back-ground information. I'm a 19 year old resident of NC, a comfortable Atheist pretty much ever since I discovered that Santa was nonsense and it was really my mother leaving presents under the tree. My "Atheism" was increasingly cemented as I read the entirety of the bible. I also suffer some abandonment issues due to the fact that my father left my family as a young child. My real problem is that I constantly think about my ex gf that I dated for 8 months about a year ago then had a fling with a few months back. It gets to the point some days to where I feel like my head is going to explode I guess because I miss her so much. I've tried dating other women but I still feel like i'm in love with my previous ex. I've been mostly a loner for years now as a result of being picked on in middle school. I was wondering if anyone has discovered any helpful coping mechanisms to deal with this sort of thing. I've also been considering joining the Marine Corps so If anyone feels like offering up advice i'm all ears.
Long Live Free Thought.
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19-11-2013, 06:27 PM
RE: Emotional issues?
First thing: Good for you on using your own reasoning to come to the atheistic conclusion!

Next: My father also left when I was very young (about 7 or 8) and I had conflicting feelings and one sided information about him from my mother (she resented him a lot) which sucked. Do you still have contact with your father? I got back into contact with my father a few years ago (I am now 25) and a lot of things came to light during discussions that I had no idea about and I now have a pretty good relationship with him. When he was around when I was little, he wasn't perfect. He isn't perfect now. But I am aware (almost acutely) of his flaws and after finding the real reasons why he left, I can sympathise with him. If you can talk to your father, please do and be open minded. If he's an arsehole to you, forget him. Whatever the reason for his leaving, the least likely of them is that it was your fault in any way.

I think this thing with your previous ex is somewhat to do with the fact that your relationship with her wasn't a clean break. The fling prevented this, and I assume it has also given you hope that maybe she still has feelings for you and there is a possibility of the pair of you getting back together. May I ask: Was it you or her who initiated the break? Was it amicable? Were reasons for the break made clear?

As for the bullying, that is behind you. I was bullied for years from starting school up until maybe the last couple of years before leaving. I does leave a mark on you for a while, I'll admit. But I understand kids can be the cruelest of creatures. There's many reasons why a bully bullies: jealousy, getting away with it, someone is smaller and/or meeker than them, their own personal issues in life. None of it is to be condoned of course, but these are now people who you will now and in future have to deal with as little as possible. Being bullied is no reason to put yourself out socially - I learned that as I got older, the people I met and befriended were different. It's a miserable place without people to be around and to be of some support.

With regards to coping mechanisms. Mine were terrible, haha, and I wouldn't recommend them. However, now I simply take a step back to genuinely reflect on my experiences and I ask myself: What positives have I gained from those experiences? What kind of person am I now (without being hard on myself) because of those experiences? Look at your qualities, not your faults - everyone has faults. Falling into the trap of focusing only your faults is completely detrimental to any betterment of thought processes. Step back and assess, with some amount of objectivity.

Finally, if the Marine Corps is what you want to do, REALLY want to do, then go for it. You could do a lot worse for yourself. Just be wary of the religiosity issues that the American Military is having at present.

Sorry for the long response, I hope it finds you well!

Smile

"God is a thought who makes crooked all that is straight." - Nietzsche

You can follow/read my blog on religious text and things related at: http://alookatholytext.wordpress.com/
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19-11-2013, 10:05 PM
RE: Emotional issues?
(17-11-2013 10:49 PM)SomeLonelyAtheist Wrote:  I guess i should start this post out by providing some sort of back-ground information. I'm a 19 year old resident of NC, a comfortable Atheist pretty much ever since I discovered that Santa was nonsense and it was really my mother leaving presents under the tree. My "Atheism" was increasingly cemented as I read the entirety of the bible. I also suffer some abandonment issues due to the fact that my father left my family as a young child. My real problem is that I constantly think about my ex gf that I dated for 8 months about a year ago then had a fling with a few months back. It gets to the point some days to where I feel like my head is going to explode I guess because I miss her so much. I've tried dating other women but I still feel like i'm in love with my previous ex. I've been mostly a loner for years now as a result of being picked on in middle school. I was wondering if anyone has discovered any helpful coping mechanisms to deal with this sort of thing. I've also been considering joining the Marine Corps so If anyone feels like offering up advice i'm all ears.
Long Live Free Thought.

Don't join the military unless you're forced to. Nothin' but trouble their.

Just, just go to a talk therapist because the internet is not the place for emotional issues but for your identity to be stolen and trolls to take advantage of you.

Hang in there forever.
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19-11-2013, 10:43 PM
RE: Emotional issues?
Hey man, I think you need closure with your ex....but actually more than that I think you need to be happy in your own skin. My brother posted this quote the other day, and I liked it.

Something along the lines of, "Until you can be happy with/by yourself, you will never know if you are with them for love or loneliness."

I'd work on improving areas of yourself that you feel you lack. Whether it's social skills, health, fitness, hobbies, or whatnot. Become a person that you yourself might admire (if you weren't you). In my experience, the happier I was with myself, the better my life in general was. For me this was a several year long process of improvement and it started with me admiring certain aspects of my friends and making a hard effort to incorporate those qualities into myself.

As for the girl, like I said, I recommend getting closure so that you can close that chapter of your life. Once you are ready to look forward instead of backwards I think things will look brighter.

Good luck man!

I also wouldn't recommend the military, unless you have a passionate desire to serve your country...but that's just me.
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21-11-2013, 06:07 AM
RE: Emotional issues?
You're just hung up on her; it will pass eventually.

DON'T join the military over this, though!!!!!
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21-11-2013, 06:25 AM
RE: Emotional issues?
I bet you are idealizing her in your thoughts, and in reality she is a much different person. Memory tends to play tricks on you.

Try changing some things about your life. Go places you haven't been to, even if it's just a different grocery store. Watch something on TV that you wouldn't normally watch. Wear clothes you would not normally wear. Move the furniture in your room around.

Many, many little ways to change your life are available to you. The more change you implement, the faster you get closure.

Try it!

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Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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21-11-2013, 10:12 AM
RE: Emotional issues?
(19-11-2013 06:27 PM)SpaceMonkey Wrote:  First thing: Good for you on using your own reasoning to come to the atheistic conclusion!

Next: My father also left when I was very young (about 7 or 8) and I had conflicting feelings and one sided information about him from my mother (she resented him a lot) which sucked. Do you still have contact with your father? I got back into contact with my father a few years ago (I am now 25) and a lot of things came to light during discussions that I had no idea about and I now have a pretty good relationship with him. When he was around when I was little, he wasn't perfect. He isn't perfect now. But I am aware (almost acutely) of his flaws and after finding the real reasons why he left, I can sympathise with him. If you can talk to your father, please do and be open minded. If he's an arsehole to you, forget him. Whatever the reason for his leaving, the least likely of them is that it was your fault in any way.

I think this thing with your previous ex is somewhat to do with the fact that your relationship with her wasn't a clean break. The fling prevented this, and I assume it has also given you hope that maybe she still has feelings for you and there is a possibility of the pair of you getting back together. May I ask: Was it you or her who initiated the break? Was it amicable? Were reasons for the break made clear?

I have limited contact with my dad we maybe text each other a few times a year. As for my ex, yeah it wasn't a clean break and the fling we had a few months ago brought back all of the feelings and no her parents (her dad especially had an issue with me). Besides I really don't think she wants anything to do with me hence the asking about coping mechanisms. But thank you Smile
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21-11-2013, 10:17 AM
RE: Emotional issues?
(21-11-2013 06:25 AM)Dom Wrote:  I bet you are idealizing her in your thoughts, and in reality she is a much different person. Memory tends to play tricks on you.

Try changing some things about your life. Go places you haven't been to, even if it's just a different grocery store. Watch something on TV that you wouldn't normally watch. Wear clothes you would not normally wear. Move the furniture in your room around.

Many, many little ways to change your life are available to you. The more change you implement, the faster you get closure.

Try it!


Really good advice!

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
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21-11-2013, 10:27 AM (This post was last modified: 21-11-2013 10:31 AM by Flowergurl.)
RE: Emotional issues?
(17-11-2013 10:49 PM)SomeLonelyAtheist Wrote:  I guess i should start this post out by providing some sort of back-ground information. I'm a 19 year old resident of NC, a comfortable Atheist pretty much ever since I discovered that Santa was nonsense and it was really my mother leaving presents under the tree. My "Atheism" was increasingly cemented as I read the entirety of the bible. I also suffer some abandonment issues due to the fact that my father left my family as a young child. My real problem is that I constantly think about my ex gf that I dated for 8 months about a year ago then had a fling with a few months back. It gets to the point some days to where I feel like my head is going to explode I guess because I miss her so much. I've tried dating other women but I still feel like i'm in love with my previous ex. I've been mostly a loner for years now as a result of being picked on in middle school. I was wondering if anyone has discovered any helpful coping mechanisms to deal with this sort of thing. I've also been considering joining the Marine Corps so If anyone feels like offering up advice i'm all ears.
Long Live Free Thought.

You are very intelligent to come to the conclusion that the Bible is false by reading it through once, despite the fear-mongering and guilt tripping of Pastors. So, you should be proud of yourself. My life would have been heaps easier if I were an atheist by 19.

I understand how much you can miss someone really special to you. Sometimes we just feel really connected to someone, and it hurts when we can't be with them. I think seeing a therapist would be best for you. They can pinpoint thing we cannot, and they are very skilled at fighting depression by some good methods. I saw a therapist because I was suicidal, and just five sessions of psychotherapy have improved my outlook on life. They may suggest groups or activites you can be a part of to help make you feel like you accomplishing something. I really hope that you seek some help.

Being a "loner" is honestly totally fine. I am an introvert, sometimes a loner depending on the phase I'm in, and that is okay. There's so much glorification of outgoing qualities that sometimes quieter people feel that there is something wrong with them. But there isn't. It probably means you're really smart and thoughtful - be proud of that.

As for the marines, it's totally up to you and I'm sure you've done a lot of thinking about it, but be careful. If you are considering it just because you want to keep your mind off of life, then please reconsider.

Maybe travelling or learning a new skill is all it would take. Doing something new can give you an amazing mood boost.

Sorry, that was sort of lengthy. I hope we've been helping you feel a little better.
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21-11-2013, 10:34 AM (This post was last modified: 21-11-2013 11:46 AM by Julius.)
RE: Emotional issues?
(17-11-2013 10:49 PM)SomeLonelyAtheist Wrote:  I've also been considering joining the Marine Corps so If anyone feels like offering up advice i'm all ears.
Long Live Free Thought.

Considering joining the Marines? WTF?

Don't believe the bullshit recruiters and most ex-marines say about the Marines: the Marine Corp is Bull Shit. The Marine Corp is a machine that recruits by feeding off the insecurity and vanity young men who are constantly asking the question, "Am I a Real Man? Do I "Measure Up"". And it's always been this way.

That's right...at your age you are constantly asking yourself the question "Am I a Real Man?" And that is nothing to be ashamed about - all young men ask themselves this question. However, you will not find an answer in the Marine Corp. In fact, their main objective will be to infantalize your intellect and fill you with their agenda: it's called "Brain Washing" and it works even if you know it's being applied.

The marines promise to make you a man and give you friendship and security - and that's what makes it so attractive for young men. It's Bull Shit...don't believe it.

Want to see the real intellect and maturity of Real Marines?

Take a look:



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