Engagement rings....WHY?
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04-01-2016, 02:53 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
(04-01-2016 01:58 PM)Vosur Wrote:  Adam knows the answer. Wink
Yep. But even if the diamond tradition were true (or if diamonds actually had value and weren't part of a corrupt monopoly that's terrible on many levels), I still have problems with the concept in general.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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04-01-2016, 03:03 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
The tradition of engagement rings is ingrained in our culture, and knowing the history of the custom won’t change my grandma’s opinion of my finance’s sincerity if he chooses to skip on the rock. Maybe in a few generations, if ideas like yours take root, diamonds will no longer be the quintessential mode of announcing one’s engagement. But that’s not where we are right now, and if she’s anything less than 100% on board with not having a ring, she’ll betray that fact in her body language when people ask her about it. This will reflect badly on you… and also badly on her for not having the self-confidence to stand up for what she wants.

Personally, I would not choose to wear an engagement ring. I simply don’t like a lot of jewelry, but if one was given to me, I’d wear it (at least some of the time) because of it being a thoughtful gift. –But those are my choices. My would-be finance doesn’t get to make that call for me. He doesn’t get to dictate to me how I should celebrate our engagement any more than I get to dictate to him. I’d go so far as to admit that if I wanted a ring that he didn’t want to get for me, I’d go out and buy one for myself!
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04-01-2016, 03:05 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
My grandfather offered his bride-to-be the choice between an engagement ring or a house (he was not rich, and could only afford one or the other). She wisely chose the house, and they lived in that same house for the rest of their lives.

As for my own views, I'm pretty cynical about the institution of marriage, so engagement rings are a moot point. I will only say that Adrianime's arguments make more sense to me than the smarmy jewelry store advertising that's all over the radio these days.
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04-01-2016, 03:07 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
(04-01-2016 03:03 PM)Aliza Wrote:  The tradition of engagement rings is ingrained in our culture, and knowing the history of the custom won’t change my grandma’s opinion of my finance’s sincerity if he chooses to skip on the rock. Maybe in a few generations, if ideas like yours take root, diamonds will no longer be the quintessential mode of announcing one’s engagement. But that’s not where we are right now, and if she’s anything less than 100% on board with not having a ring, she’ll betray that fact in her body language when people ask her about it. This will reflect badly on you… and also badly on her for not having the self-confidence to stand up for what she wants.

Personally, I would not choose to wear an engagement ring. I simply don’t like a lot of jewelry, but if one was given to me, I’d wear it (at least some of the time) because of it being a thoughtful gift. –But those are my choices. My would-be finance doesn’t get to make that call for me. He doesn’t get to dictate to me how I should celebrate our engagement any more than I get to dictate to him. I’d go so far as to admit that if I wanted a ring that he didn’t want to get for me, I’d go out and buy one for myself!
So you think, "do it because you are expected to do it, and will be seen poorly if you don't"? (I realize you addressed the recipients feelings as well)

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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04-01-2016, 03:07 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
(04-01-2016 02:43 PM)Adrianime Wrote:  
(04-01-2016 02:23 PM)jennybee Wrote:  I think one ring is enough--but here's my take on it: I would want the engagement ring and I would use that as my wedding ring. Since I want a vintage engagement ring, I don't want another ring to add to it. To me the engagement ring is part of the romance and when I got married the engagement ring would "become" my wedding ring.
So what is the difference, to you, in getting an engagement ring that becomes your wedding ring, rather than just getting a wedding ring that stays your wedding ring?

To me the difference is the romance. It's a man asking a woman to spend the rest of her life with him. To me an engagement ring is the symbol of all of that. Then, you can use the engagement ring to be your wedding ring as well--so the ring takes on even more of a significance and an even stronger romance factor. It's not about being materialistic and wanting a pretty ring to twirl on your finger, it's about having that ring and remembering back on the romance of when my husband to be asked me to be his wife, when my husband put that same ring on my finger and married me. I know not everyone may feel this way, but it's my take on it. I think each rship is different.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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04-01-2016, 03:10 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
(04-01-2016 03:07 PM)jennybee Wrote:  
(04-01-2016 02:43 PM)Adrianime Wrote:  So what is the difference, to you, in getting an engagement ring that becomes your wedding ring, rather than just getting a wedding ring that stays your wedding ring?

To me the difference is the romance. It's a man asking a woman to spend the rest of her life with him. To me an engagement ring is the symbol of all of that. Then, you can use the engagement ring to be your wedding ring as well--so the ring takes on even more of a significance and an even stronger romance factor. It's not about being materialistic and wanting a pretty ring to twirl on your finger, it's about having that ring and remembering back on the romance of when my husband to be asked me to be his wife, when my husband put that same ring on my finger and married me. I know not everyone may feel this way, but it's my take on it. I think each rship is different.
Okay, that's fine. So, how come a ring? Would another gift or gesture not have the same meaning?

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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04-01-2016, 03:10 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
(04-01-2016 03:07 PM)jennybee Wrote:  
(04-01-2016 02:43 PM)Adrianime Wrote:  So what is the difference, to you, in getting an engagement ring that becomes your wedding ring, rather than just getting a wedding ring that stays your wedding ring?

To me the difference is the romance. It's a man asking a woman to spend the rest of her life with him. To me an engagement ring is the symbol of all of that. Then, you can use the engagement ring to be your wedding ring as well--so the ring takes on even more of a significance and an even stronger romance factor. It's not about being materialistic and wanting a pretty ring to twirl on your finger, it's about having that ring and remembering back on the romance of when my husband to be asked me to be his wife, when my husband put that same ring on my finger and married me. I know not everyone may feel this way, but it's my take on it. I think each rship is different.

It's also nice when these pieces become family heirlooms and get passed down through the generations. Wearing a ring that has been through 3 or 4 successful, loving marriages that made up the bedrock of our family lines would so special and meaningful.
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04-01-2016, 03:13 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
(04-01-2016 03:10 PM)Adrianime Wrote:  
(04-01-2016 03:07 PM)jennybee Wrote:  To me the difference is the romance. It's a man asking a woman to spend the rest of her life with him. To me an engagement ring is the symbol of all of that. Then, you can use the engagement ring to be your wedding ring as well--so the ring takes on even more of a significance and an even stronger romance factor. It's not about being materialistic and wanting a pretty ring to twirl on your finger, it's about having that ring and remembering back on the romance of when my husband to be asked me to be his wife, when my husband put that same ring on my finger and married me. I know not everyone may feel this way, but it's my take on it. I think each rship is different.
Okay, that's fine. So, how come a ring? Would another gift or gesture not have the same meaning?

A ring is something I can wear all the time and look at and keep with me as a symbol of my love for my husband and vice versa. I'm a sentimental person Tongue

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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04-01-2016, 03:14 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
Why?


Because they're pretty and sparkly and everyone likes to look at sparkly things, even little babies will look at a sparkly thing over a dull thing..

Why?

Because people everywhere have been decorating themselves for thousands of years with rocks and other stuff from the earth.

Why?

Because cut diamonds sparkle like a star and who doesn't like stars.

Oh, and why diamonds?

Because diamonds can withstand years of punishment and not get scratched. I've resanded furniture, dyed fabric, changed diapers, scrubbed bathtubs, climbed trees, dug in the dirt, danced the hoochie-coochie and retiled the kitchen . I work with my hands all the time and my diamond is as clear and unscratched as the day it was given to me. It was a present given to me cause I'm a delightful person, or so says my spouse and god dammit I deserve every penny it cost.

Big Grin

....so there!


Laugh out load

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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04-01-2016, 03:14 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
(04-01-2016 03:10 PM)Aliza Wrote:  
(04-01-2016 03:07 PM)jennybee Wrote:  To me the difference is the romance. It's a man asking a woman to spend the rest of her life with him. To me an engagement ring is the symbol of all of that. Then, you can use the engagement ring to be your wedding ring as well--so the ring takes on even more of a significance and an even stronger romance factor. It's not about being materialistic and wanting a pretty ring to twirl on your finger, it's about having that ring and remembering back on the romance of when my husband to be asked me to be his wife, when my husband put that same ring on my finger and married me. I know not everyone may feel this way, but it's my take on it. I think each rship is different.

It's also nice when these pieces become family heirlooms and get passed down through the generations. Wearing a ring that has been through 3 or 4 successful, loving marriages that made up the bedrock of our family lines would so special and meaningful.

Good luck with that......

Considering what the divorce rate is, the likelihood of a string of marriages (loving or otherwise) lasting through 4 generations is about on par with taking a card at the blackjack table with 19 showing.....

......

.......................................

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