Engagement rings....WHY?
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
04-01-2016, 04:42 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
Consider this a lesson in compromise. She wants a ring you have issues with the tradition. So instead of rolling over her wants why not offer to buy 1 ring to serve as both wedding and engagement? She gets to show off the ring to her girlfriend and family and have that part of the tradition that she wants, You don't have to buy anything other than what you would have in the first place. A good relationship is built on compromise not by bullying the other into compliance.

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 8 users Like Revenant77x's post
04-01-2016, 04:45 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
(04-01-2016 04:42 PM)Revenant77x Wrote:  Consider this a lesson in compromise. She wants a ring you have issues with the tradition. So instead of rolling over her wants why not offer to buy 1 ring to serve as both wedding and engagement? She gets to show off the ring to her girlfriend and family and have that part of the tradition that she wants, You don't have to buy anything other than what you would have in the first place. A good relationship is built on compromise not by bullying the other into compliance.
I agree to the need for compromise.

To be clear this thread isn't about what I did specifically (which none of you actually know), but about the idea of engagement rings in general.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Adrianime's post
04-01-2016, 04:58 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
I have been married five times and never bought an engagement ring. More than one person has suggested that that may have had a bearing no the longevity of the marriage, but I don't think so.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
04-01-2016, 05:05 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
(04-01-2016 04:45 PM)Adrianime Wrote:  
(04-01-2016 04:42 PM)Revenant77x Wrote:  Consider this a lesson in compromise. She wants a ring you have issues with the tradition. So instead of rolling over her wants why not offer to buy 1 ring to serve as both wedding and engagement? She gets to show off the ring to her girlfriend and family and have that part of the tradition that she wants, You don't have to buy anything other than what you would have in the first place. A good relationship is built on compromise not by bullying the other into compliance.
I agree to the need for compromise.

To be clear this thread isn't about what I did specifically (which none of you actually know), but about the idea of engagement rings in general.

The problem with that is in general it depends on the specifics. If both were non-traditionalist there would be no issue same if both were traditionalist the issue is only raised when one wants to follow a tradition and the other does not. Were you to reverse it and she would not wear the ring even though you bought it then there would be friction there as well.

As for the tradition as a whole it is part of a long slide from Dowries to entering marriage on equal footing. In another 100 years who is to say if this quirk is still in practice or if it is relegated to the scrap pile of history. I can understand why you dislike the tradition given it's history (the ring was effectively a way to pay a young woman for the loss her virginity if the engagement fell through) but currently it is seen as just 1 step in the commitment that makes a marriage with not much thought given to the why other than that is the way it is done.

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Revenant77x's post
04-01-2016, 05:07 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
(04-01-2016 04:58 PM)DerFish Wrote:  I have been married five times and never bought an engagement ring. More than one person has suggested that that may have had a bearing no the longevity of the marriage, but I don't think so.

Married 5 times, man if that is not the definition of optimism winning out over experience than what is?

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like Revenant77x's post
04-01-2016, 05:34 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
(04-01-2016 05:07 PM)Revenant77x Wrote:  
(04-01-2016 04:58 PM)DerFish Wrote:  I have been married five times and never bought an engagement ring. More than one person has suggested that that may have had a bearing no the longevity of the marriage, but I don't think so.

Married 5 times, man if that is not the definition of optimism winning out over experience than what is?

Tom Waits used to tell a story about a woman who had been married so many times she had rice marks all over her face.

For those who don't get the reference, it used to be a tradition to throw rice at the newlyweds. I don't think this is done anymore.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Grasshopper's post
04-01-2016, 05:47 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
Pretty sure it started as a method for reminding the woman to reconsider before she fucks somebody else before you're married. But I'm a cynical fuck.

#sigh
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes GirlyMan's post
04-01-2016, 05:50 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
(04-01-2016 05:34 PM)Grasshopper Wrote:  
(04-01-2016 05:07 PM)Revenant77x Wrote:  Married 5 times, man if that is not the definition of optimism winning out over experience than what is?

Tom Waits used to tell a story about a woman who had been married so many times she had rice marks all over her face.

For those who don't get the reference, it used to be a tradition to throw rice at the newlyweds. I don't think this is done anymore.

Exploding pigeon myth?
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
04-01-2016, 05:56 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
(04-01-2016 05:07 PM)Revenant77x Wrote:  
(04-01-2016 04:58 PM)DerFish Wrote:  I have been married five times and never bought an engagement ring. More than one person has suggested that that may have had a bearing no the longevity of the marriage, but I don't think so.

Married 5 times, man if that is not the definition of optimism winning out over experience than what is?

I am just a slow learner!
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
04-01-2016, 07:21 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
Engagement rings are relics of a bygone era when you basically branded your future property. The ring is the mark of chattel. Over time it became a symbol of who's future husband earns more/is the bigger moron.

When I got engaged almost 19 years ago, I was a big moron. I spent a fortune on a diamond engagement ring for my future fiancee/wife. I think I dropped like $7,500 on that ring, aka almost my entire fucking savings account. And, that was 1997. I just checked an online inflation calculator and in today's dollars that's over $11,100. That's a shitton of money. And, I wasn't that much older than I suspect you are now. I had just turned 28.

If I could go back in time, there is absolutely no way in hell I'd have spent that much cash on a ring. Don't get me wrong - my wife has it and still loves it. And, she will always have it and I believe she will always love it. It's a beautiful ring (it fucking well better be for what I paid for it). But, it was a colossal waste of money. Money that could have gone towards our first house, or furniture, or to offset some of our honeymoon costs, or anything more practical.

Here's the advice of an old married guy (over 18 years): don't get a diamond engagement ring. If you're fiance wants a ring, find a ring that has some symbolism and meaning to the two of you and get something like that. Maybe get his and her rings (I've seen that before). But, the idea that you need to drop 2 months salary on a fucking ring to show you love her is one of the greatest the con jobs ever perpetrated on the public. That is money you can use on so many more useful things. Set a reasonable budget and find something that works for both of you. Do what is right for you and fuck what the rest of the world thinks about it.

Congrats on the upcoming wedding and good luck. Marriage can be tough and I can honestly say that if I had the chance, I'd still marry my wife all over again.

Shackle their minds when they're bent on the cross
When ignorance reigns, life is lost
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 4 users Like BnW's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: