Engagement rings....WHY?
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05-01-2016, 05:11 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
Is this ring shiny, and pretty, enough?
Unsure

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05-01-2016, 05:17 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
(05-01-2016 05:09 PM)Adrianime Wrote:  
(05-01-2016 04:21 PM)Dom Wrote:  If there is no financial issue with it, why not give him a motor cycle if he wants one?

Not doing so implies either that you don't trust him with a motor cycle or that you are trying to make his choices for him. Or both.
It could also mean that you don't feel he deserves one Tongue. (just to add to your argument). Or that you plain just don't want to buy him one.

But that "If there is no financial issue with it." Is a pretty broad statement. What is a financial issue? Just having the means to do it? Or is it having so much excess resource that doing it wouldn't significantly impact you?
I think having sovereignty over ones money is a pretty big issue, and being told to spend your money in a very specific way feels insulting.

Bringing back Aliza's example. If she was told that she must buy Christmas presents for somebody else, she would find that unacceptable (I think). It isn't necessarily about whether you are able to, or even whether or not you want the person to have that item.

Nobody is forcing you to do anything. You do something for someone because it makes them feel good.

So this is actually a financial issue and you don't want to spend the money? Now, that is a basic thing you should work out before you get married. A ring is just a small thing that happens along the way of marital bliss.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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05-01-2016, 05:23 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
(05-01-2016 05:17 PM)Dom Wrote:  
(05-01-2016 05:09 PM)Adrianime Wrote:  It could also mean that you don't feel he deserves one Tongue. (just to add to your argument). Or that you plain just don't want to buy him one.

But that "If there is no financial issue with it." Is a pretty broad statement. What is a financial issue? Just having the means to do it? Or is it having so much excess resource that doing it wouldn't significantly impact you?
I think having sovereignty over ones money is a pretty big issue, and being told to spend your money in a very specific way feels insulting.

Bringing back Aliza's example. If she was told that she must buy Christmas presents for somebody else, she would find that unacceptable (I think). It isn't necessarily about whether you are able to, or even whether or not you want the person to have that item.

Nobody is forcing you to do anything. You do something for someone because it makes them feel good.

So this is actually a financial issue and you don't want to spend the money? Now, that is a basic thing you should work out before you get married. A ring is just a small thing that happens along the way of marital bliss.

Reference... http://www.thethinkingatheist.com/forum/...nd-Prenups

I think we can safely assume money is part of the issue.

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05-01-2016, 05:31 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
(05-01-2016 05:23 PM)Anjele Wrote:  
(05-01-2016 05:17 PM)Dom Wrote:  Nobody is forcing you to do anything. You do something for someone because it makes them feel good.

So this is actually a financial issue and you don't want to spend the money? Now, that is a basic thing you should work out before you get married. A ring is just a small thing that happens along the way of marital bliss.

Reference... http://www.thethinkingatheist.com/forum/...nd-Prenups

I think we can safely assume money is part of the issue.
No, it actually isn't. I spent more on engagement gifts than most people spend on a ring.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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05-01-2016, 05:31 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
(05-01-2016 05:11 PM)TheGulegon Wrote:  Is this ring shiny, and pretty, enough?
Unsure

It's in the ballpark Thumbsup but it would get all scratched up over time because it's plastic.

You see, underneath all my deep philosophic profundity I'm really quite shallow and cosmetic.




Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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05-01-2016, 05:44 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
(05-01-2016 05:31 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  
(05-01-2016 05:11 PM)TheGulegon Wrote:  Is this ring shiny, and pretty, enough?
Unsure

It's in the ballpark Thumbsup but it would get all scratched up over time because it's plastic.

You see, underneath all my deep philosophic profundity I'm really quite shallow and cosmetic.




Cool! Big Grin

Eyes light up at the sight, only to turn to disappointment after finding out it didn't cost me an arm and a leg, it might be time to inform the girl she needs to move on & find a Donald Trump type! Undecided

I'm not expecting to find a lady who'd stick with my thrifty ass, anyway! Sadcryface

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05-01-2016, 05:57 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
(05-01-2016 05:11 PM)TheGulegon Wrote:  Is this ring shiny, and pretty, enough?
Unsure

Well, it was already marked down to $7.05, why not wait until it goes under $5.00? Laugh out load

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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05-01-2016, 05:57 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
I like an engagement ring idea.

Traditional or not is not the reason nor do I care about that part so much. I do like the idea of some families passing things on if they role modelled values I appreciated and would like to follow. There's nothing like that in my family though (lucky enough to have good role models, but no jewellery to share for marriage).

I like the shine and sparkle too, but I don't care how much that sparkle costs. This alone isn't a reason for one, but thought I'd make the point that I have both expensive and cheap jewellery and I have pieces I love of each kind.

I'd like that I can go anywhere (unlike a motorcycle, but there is nothing wrong with this as a celebratory gift either) my finger goes. That's nice. Shy .

I like to be proud to show, without having to talk about it to whomever I meet, that I'm with a very special person who means the world to me, and they can know that we plan on keeping that way officially soon. It's nice to have that everywhere I'd go since it's a recognized symbol culturally. It's not meant to boost but feels sweet, and I like that on other people too. I hope they're happy with companionship in a most intimate way, that's a beautiful thing to see.

As for a man having an engagement ring? Sure, why not.

I am not traditional in the sense that I think a man should propose to a woman, but in my case I will never propose to a man. (Or a woman, since I am straight Wink .) But a man because if someone wants to be with me now, they'll have to put themselves out there first so it comes from them. No pressure from me. Im not saying everyone should be this way, this is me being cautious after my own life experience. Too lazy to cite, but women and men are equally (or not) monogamous (men may be more so, Ive read), so this isn't a reflection of that.

As for cost sharing- who cares? I don't think it should have to be 50/50. I don't think there is a set rule, I think each couple can decide uniquely. I don't think women are near the same pay scale yet so WHEN that happens maybe there should be more thought on this, but I don't think that's a reason to make it 50/50 now. I don't talk with my SO at Christmas how much they're spending so we're equal. I give what I want and some years one pays more that the other, but that's not the point. There are gold diggers and sugar mamas out there sure, ha ha. This has nothing to do with the meaning of an engagement ring to me though. Those guidelines of three months salary or whatever it is are stupid. The symbol is the point, not the 'investment'.


As some of the discussion is off track about throwing a wedding, I will comment that I like those too. Cheap is fine, it's just a party. Expensive tends to guarantee more so that the event goes off without a hitch. Quality costs. I've seen cake wrecks and shitty photography, double booked facilities and wedding dresses fall a part. Ive been to a lot of weddings as a photographer and I've seen it all. Ha ha. What I love and can see at some weddings more than others is the purpose behind the event. Some people show off their economical status or social status (can be done cheaply). Others show off their love and commitments, and their pride in showing that to the other people they love. That's really beautiful to see and experience in person. And the best reason for a wedding when I go- AN EXCUSE TO DANCE! Heart ha ha.
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05-01-2016, 06:34 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
(05-01-2016 05:44 PM)TheGulegon Wrote:  
(05-01-2016 05:31 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  It's in the ballpark Thumbsup but it would get all scratched up over time because it's plastic.

You see, underneath all my deep philosophic profundity I'm really quite shallow and cosmetic.




Cool! Big Grin

Eyes light up at the sight, only to turn to disappointment after finding out it didn't cost me an arm and a leg, it might be time to inform the girl she needs to move on & find a Donald Trump type! Undecided

I'm not expecting to find a lady who'd stick with my thrifty ass, anyway! Sadcryface

Laugh out load Tongue

Well, when her finger turns green from the ring, she'll have that to remember you by Tongue Laugh out load

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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05-01-2016, 06:42 PM
RE: Engagement rings....WHY?
(05-01-2016 06:34 PM)jennybee Wrote:  
(05-01-2016 05:44 PM)TheGulegon Wrote:  Cool! Big Grin

Eyes light up at the sight, only to turn to disappointment after finding out it didn't cost me an arm and a leg, it might be time to inform the girl she needs to move on & find a Donald Trump type! Undecided

I'm not expecting to find a lady who'd stick with my thrifty ass, anyway! Sadcryface

Laugh out load Tongue

Well, when her finger turns green from the ring, she'll have that to remember you by Tongue Laugh out load


Ha ha. Or when it puffs up, turns red and falls off. Blink There will always be the reminder that you stole her heart… and finger. Confused
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