Escaping the Mormons
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10-12-2016, 04:01 AM
Escaping the Mormons
I was raised Mormon in Southern California. My so called family was not fundamentalist but extremist by almost any measure. We weren't allowed to go to school because they were afraid we would be exposed to evolution or the "old earth theory" or the concept of sex, I suppose. But our homeschool didn't really consist of much more than reading the Book of Mormon and Bible every morning, mom didn't have time for much more. Because of that, when we moved to Utah when I was about 14 and they decided that we should be allowed to go to public school now, since it was happy valley and the school was around 95% Mormon, I was not able to write in English. I could read more fluently than most kids my age, especially King James English, but when I got my first writing assignment I stumbled for long time because I couldn't even figure out how to spell "of". I kept writing "ove" or "uve" but even spell-checker can't help you much when you are that far off.

But really, that was not so much the problem as the violence. He would beat me upside the head all the time for no reason whatsoever. I didn't hear when mom called, he would smack me in the head landing me flat on the ground. I ate a cookie when I wasn't supposed to, same thing. He even sent me to the emergency room for head injury when I was three, I think for pestering my sister. I still have the scar on my forehead from that. I sat down in the shade for a few seconds of rest on a sweltering day when I was supposed to be doing garden work and he finds me and throws me through a half inch wooden fence and I land in a rosebush on the other side. Sliced and bleeding from the wood, nails and thorns, I even had to nail in the new boards as the rest of my punishment.

I remember so many times seeing that hand fly at my head then being on the floor looking up at the ceiling and not feeling anything for a few moments until there suddenly came this pounding in my head, like I could feel the repercussions echoing in my skull and a piercing pain, thinking I was going to die. Then I would get sent to my room where I would proceed to throw everything out of its place, knocking everything over, wanting to break everything. Temper tantrums, my mom would call them. She would try to calm me down, explain that he was only that way because his dad was. That didn't make me feel any better, but that is how patriarchal systems work, the man is right because God is a man, clearly, so woman have to just shut up and never question. This basically creates a safe space for tyrants and gives a blank check for abuse.

Sometimes I was sure he was going to cause me brain damage or kill me. I started to wonder if my best chance of surviving to adulthood didn't involve killing him and started to fantasize about how to do it. Would see him napping and wonder if I could get from the kitchen to the bedroom with a knife unnoticed. Or walking around the dinner table with a kitchen knife and wondering if I could slit his throat and be quick enough making it out the door before anyone could stop me. Could I just run away? But where would I go? We lived in a tiny town the middle of the California desert several hours by car from any real city. When nearly all television is forbidden and you don't go to school and you have no idea about the outside world, you don't know your rights, you don't know you could call the police, that that is even an option. He constantly told us how the catholics were a bunch of devil worshipers, so I wondered if the rest of the world wasn't the same or even worse. Who could I run to? I remember when I was about 12 and we went to a family reunion at a scout camp that had a shooting range. We went out there and they put a 22 caliber rifle in my hands and I started shaking and could hardly breath, because I really didn't know if I was going to do it or not. If I did, would my uncles then kill me?

I think the first time I stopped believing in earnest was when I was 8 and went in for the baptismal interview with the bishop. The bishop asked me about my testimony and here He was, a big, tall former football player, the beast, the very nightmare man who I knew might actually kill me if I didn't answer correctly, sitting right next to me. I jumped in immediately and said something like "I know that this church is true and that Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God, blah, blah, blah", all those things that every Mormon knows they are supposed to say. And I thought to myself, I am lying, I'm 8, I don't even know anyone from any other church nor am I sure if they are devil worshipers or not. I am saying this out of mortal fear. So I learned quickly how to lie through my teeth and keep a straight face, a skill I would need to survive for the next ten years as my whole life became a lie. Then all of those "bearing your testimonies" when they bring little three year olds and whisper in their ears what they should say and they can't even pronounce it properly and it always ends up being them saying "I'd like to bury my testibony". So I knew I was being brainwashed, trained in what to say and not taught, it was clear, and I hated every second of it from as long as I can remember. When we had to sing "I'm so glad when daddy comes home" in church I threw up a little in my mouth. Still get a bad taste and my stomach turns just thinking about that song. But I couldn't comprehend how they didn't see that they were living out what Mormons believe to be Lucifer's plan, to force everyone to "do what is right" and the glory goes to Lucifer. He was literally living out the role of Lucifer, so I made a pact with the devil, since he was the only king I'd ever known, and started to live a lie.

But somehow I survived until 14, without landing myself in jail, when we moved back to Utah and I started school. I loved it. Finally the chance to learn something besides the Book of Mormon and the Bible. Also, the beast started getting older and less violent and I was getting better adept at lying and hiding and tougher so that I could take the beatings as well. But I could not wait until I turned 18 to get the hell out of there. High school was hard but I advanced very quickly in math and science because I was like someone coming out of the desert and just could not get enough and absorbed it as fast as I could. I went from pre-Algebra to Calculus BC in four years and took Astronomy, Honors Geology, AP Physics and Statistics, all the math and science I could. When I graduated and moved to university I said goodbye, them still thinking I was a true believing Mormon, and I was done. I immediately stopped with church and didn't contact them. But I could still hear His voice yelling at me in my head as the professor explained Newtonian Mechanics, like the voice of an angry Old Testament God, about how all of science is a lie from satan to try to disprove God. I had nightmares all the time for a few years after leaving. The most common one was that I was trapped in a house and being chased and all the doors and windows are locked and I knew He would kill me. I frequently couldn't focus in class because the emotional damage was still there. And anytime I saw any of my siblings it just brought back the memories and the nightmares would get worse, so I pretty much avoided all of my family, moved and told no one my new address.

Since I started university at 18, right after high school, and immediately abandoned my family and the cult (although they lived just about an hour away) that means I never went on a mission or had my endowments removed. I was never really quite sure what that meant and always assumed they were located somewhere in or near the frontal lobe. I really didn't want those cult members to take anything out of me. So because of that I think I am not much like most of the Mormons that leave, never did temple ceremonies, except baptisms for the dead, never learned the secret handshakes or whatever nonsense they do in there. In a way I almost never was a Mormon, because I hated the church as long as I an remember, absolutely rejecting it at my baptism, though not out loud, and just went along pretending to be one of them, quietly biding my time until my 18th birthday so I could escape and go learn some science while trying as hard as I could to not become a serial shooter. The funny thing is, my whole childhood I always assumed that my siblings were all of the same opinion but I never dared ask. Wouldn't want anyone to overhear it or repeat it and end up getting me another skull ringing or trip to the emergency room. But they didn't, they all grew up and ran away from Him but stayed in the church. I couldn't believe it.

I couldn't really afford therapy at that time, because America and I didn't have a family either, so I didn't even have any kind of health insurance at all. In fact, I was really poor, minimum wage was $5.15 back then, with no marketable skills and only a few years contact to the "outside-ward" (but not yet really outside Mormonland), so I betook myself to thievery for both food and textbooks to make it through the bachelor program. My life until then had been a horrific lie and I had no family, so it couldn't get much worse as far as going to hell, I guessed, and I was hungry for both knowledge and actual food. But somehow I made it through the Bachelor and Master programs and finally went on to get a PhD in physics, largely due to my skill at thievery and mad hunger for science and math.

Then when my mom died, the beast decided to turn her eulogy into a good preaching of fire and damnation and cursed both me and the few others in the extended family that had left the Mormons from the church pulpit in front of all the rest of the family and our old ward over my mother's dead body. It took everything in me to not walk out of my mother's funeral with a middle finger salute. He is the most awful human being I have ever personally met in my life and sometimes I wish there were a hell just so that he would have a place to burn. But the Mormon church asserts his authority over his family is from God and can't be questioned.

Patriarchy, as I see it, is at the heart of the worst parts of any religion. I cannot understand how any country which has passed laws guaranteeing equal treatment of men and women can give tax exempt status to organisations that teach and practice contrary to those laws. I hope to see the day when patriarchal societies are taxed like other for-profit organisations. I think it is clear where those revenues should be used: for the victims of patriarchy, namely women and children. We should be sending social workers to help educate those who are abused and help them resettle their lives while escaping from illegal abuse cults.
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10-12-2016, 04:10 AM
RE: Escaping the Mormons
Hello.

I first mistook the title of this thread as "Escaped the Morons."

I then saw I was correct. Big Grin

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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10-12-2016, 05:25 AM
RE: Escaping the Mormons
Welcome.

The first revolt is against the supreme tyranny of theology, of the phantom of God. As long as we have a master in heaven, we will be slaves on earth.

Mikhail Bakunin.
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10-12-2016, 06:51 AM
RE: Escaping the Mormons
Wow! Sorry you went through that, glad you made it out and survived!

Welcome to the forum.

Gods derive their power from post-hoc rationalizations. -The Inquisition

Using the supernatural to explain events in your life is a failure of the intellect to comprehend the world around you. -The Inquisition
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10-12-2016, 07:00 AM
RE: Escaping the Mormons
Welp, that's an introduction. Big Grin

Welcome.

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10-12-2016, 07:30 AM
RE: Escaping the Mormons
Welcome! I am so glad you made it out of all of that. Talk about perseverance. I can tell already you are a pretty amazing person.
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10-12-2016, 07:55 AM
RE: Escaping the Mormons
(10-12-2016 07:00 AM)houseofcantor Wrote:  Welp, that's an introduction. Big Grin

Welcome.

That it was, hombre. That it was.

Welcome fuzzycyst. I had to google your moniker. Blink Blink Blink




#sigh
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10-12-2016, 08:33 AM
RE: Escaping the Mormons
fhqwhgads

I've known people who waited twenty years to be able to talk about such horrible experiences, most of them war veterans. You are a credit to humanity. Thanks for sharing.
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10-12-2016, 09:02 AM
RE: Escaping the Mormons
Welcome to the forum!

A friend in the hole

"If we're going to be damned, let's be damned for what we really are." - Captain Picard
7!
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10-12-2016, 09:03 AM
RE: Escaping the Mormons
(10-12-2016 07:55 AM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(10-12-2016 07:00 AM)houseofcantor Wrote:  Welp, that's an introduction. Big Grin

Welcome.

That it was, hombre. That it was.

Welcome fuzzycyst. I had to google your moniker. Blink Blink Blink




Man, that takes me back....

Don't let those gnomes and their illusions get you down. They're just gnomes and illusions.

--Jake the Dog, Adventure Time

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