Existential Crisis
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05-03-2015, 12:12 PM
RE: Existential Crisis
Several years ago I started keeping a journal of all the good things that happened to me. Sometimes it would take a little time to see just how good and important these events were, however; once I realized their importance I wrote them down. Now I don't write everything down, just moments and events I feel are or will eventually have significant and positive impact on my life.

I started doing this for therapeutic reasons. It helped with a battle against depression and some childhood demons, while also proving to myself that I had some worth.
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05-03-2015, 11:21 PM
RE: Existential Crisis
(04-03-2015 09:36 PM)Misanthropik Wrote:  Well I tried to explain it... Dodgy

It's fine; I've been occupying my mind with other things. Mostly writing. That's another good thing that's come of this whole incident: I'm a lot more focused on my writing. I feel like, if I can put myself out there in literary form, then in a way...I won't disappear. At least, not entirely. Like I said, I'm not scared of death, but I'm scared of everything disappearing. If my ideas and stories can continue after I'm gone, in a way, I feel like maybe that makes it ok - even if it's not forever.

I understand completely what you are talking about. When I was younger (like 30 years ago) I had the same experience. I had a real fear of death and realized the problem was that I was having a hard time accepting my own non-existence in the world....the fact that I would never hear another song being played, never hear birds singing, children playing, dogs barking. I would never smell another flower or experience another kiss. I couldn't imagine a tomorrow without me in it. Perhaps it's ego, I don't know. I do know, however, that as I have aged, that fear has gone away. I am now 71 and I can honestly say that if I dropped dead tonight I would be okay with it. I can now accept a tomorrow without me in it. I guess I'm saying give it time...you won't always feel this way.
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