Existential Crisis
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14-04-2017, 12:50 PM
Existential Crisis
Where do I even begin?

The last couple of years have been... well... tough, to say the least.

As many of you know, I struggled with an opiate addiction for years. Last year, I lost my job (still unemployed) indirectly because of it and nearly offed myself. I did get help, and I've been clean for 13 months. More of that in a sec.

Also, many of you know, my dad has a terminal auto-immume disease which has destroyed his quality of life and has left him in habitual pain; likewise, my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer 2 years back. Thankfully, she is still in remission. My brother, a former pastor, has been shunned from churches because of his "liberal" Christian beliefs. Last August, I lost my home and all of our possessions from a flood. This has caused my family major strife as we continue to live as vagabonds until our home is rebuilt.

All of this has caused me to take a serious look at religion and God in general.

Recently, I've been faced with some devastating news which I don't feel comfortable sharing, and it too has caused me to question things.

My real questioning began last year in rehab. That's not to say that I haven't questioned my beliefs before... I've put them through the wringer... but this time, I really took a hard look at what my life had become, where it was going and how God could continue to allow all of this.

I was at an impasse of my life's figurative crossroads.

I know I've joked about it every April Fool's, but this is no joke. The first person I told was my brother and then my wife. Some more people found out, and now I've told my mom. She has been the most hurt by it, and it's hard to not feel guilty. Not that I feel guilty for denouncing Christianity, but it's the feeling guilty that I've hurt a person whom I care about and has done an immeasurable amount for me. QC has struggled with it too, but she has come to terms with it. My brother says he completely understands my decision to adopt atheism.

I know I've been the token theist around here for along time, so it was rather hard typing this; however, I feel it's important to live my life, in all aspects, according to how and what I believe.

I suppose it's been a long journey to this, and I would be dishonest in saying that TTA helped me reach this decision. I feel I would have come to accept atheism as my belief regardless if I was a part of TTA or not because of the events and questioning that led me to this. But, TTA has been a great family to me and has given me numerous resources to aid me. For that, I'm truly thankful.

Not sure where I go from here... and I'm sorry to those I've disappointed. I'm just now learning to be true to myself. I hope I can continue to do so here even with such a huge paradigm shift.

[Image: dog-shaking.gif]
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14-04-2017, 01:01 PM
RE: Existential Crisis
I’m here for you KC, I think I’ve proven that. You have my number if you want to talk.

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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14-04-2017, 01:05 PM
RE: Existential Crisis
Welcome to the dark side Smile We have cookies Big Grin

Wow KC, that's one hell of a shift. You were one guy I thought would always be a Christian. I'm actually somewhat amazed. I mean, I know you've been through a *lot* - as you mentioned already.

Of course we'd love for you to hang around. You're our friend. We're not disappointed in the slightest - it's your life, you gotta live it.

Now you gotta find your way Smile But the good news is, you already were finding your way sans God anyway. So you're definitely capable. All that stuff... kicking the drug habit, holding shit together when your home was destroyed - that was *you*. You can legitimately be proud of yourself for doing that.

The big problem for most people is certainly telling their families and dealing with the fall out. You seem to be pretty level headed about the whole thing - as you have always been, in my experience. I would suggest a. if QC's not deconverted, then don't be too much "I am an atheist hear me roar" in her space. b. have lots of sex. Actually I forgot what I was gonna say for b so I substituted. But do spend some time making sure that your fam (especially your Mama) understands that you're still the same guy, only less Bibley.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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14-04-2017, 01:12 PM
RE: Existential Crisis
You're still you.

You just owned up to the fact that you are you, because of you, and not some nefarious invisible wizard.........


Good thing you're a good guy and not some miserable prick. Eh?


Big Grin

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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14-04-2017, 01:15 PM (This post was last modified: 14-04-2017 01:20 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: Existential Crisis
Paradigm shifts are natural. Happen all the time. Be unnatural if they didn't. Stagnant pools are unhealthy. Bad juju festers there. We get magnetic pole shifts every 200-300,000 years. It does fuck with the birds and the tides for a while though until shit settles down. Shit always settles down. For a while at least.

There is only one really serious philosophical question, and that is suicide. -Camus
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14-04-2017, 01:23 PM
RE: Existential Crisis
Just gave you positive rep (hell, shoulda have done that long time ago, sorry), not for becoming an atheist, but:

Quote:for being honest, first and foremost to yourself, even in the face of personal struggle
It would have been easier to fall back on god and accept your fate as part of his plan. It would have been easier to play nice to TTA and say it was relevant for your deconversion. It would have been easier to play nice to your family.Yet you decided to be honest about your belief in face of all of this. I can only but feel utter respect for this.
You make a very strong impression to me. You were fighting, and i predict you will be fighting, regardless of the bad news you cant share. If you battled opioid addiction, your parents cancer and natural desaters, then you wont give up yet, at least i hope so.

I only whish i could help you other than just assuring you of my deepest respect. Bowing Thumbsup Hug

Ceterum censeo, religionem delendam esse
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14-04-2017, 01:29 PM
RE: Existential Crisis
Regardless of what happens, I know these guys will always love me.

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14-04-2017, 01:33 PM
RE: Existential Crisis
(14-04-2017 12:50 PM)kingschosen Wrote:  Where do I even begin?
...
I hope I can continue to do so here even with such a huge paradigm shift.

It's the beginning that's the hard part for pretty much everything.

Continuing takes less momentum.

S'funny, I had this on (loud) in the background as I read your post. Seemed to fit. The music, I mean, but also the movie's message about change and struggling against/with adversity and stuff.





btw, I hope you've been keeping a diary. There's probably a movie script in there somewhere. Call it "Job II"?

Angel

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14-04-2017, 01:35 PM
RE: Existential Crisis
Oh my goodness!

Really it took me 20 years to completely deconvert.

20 long, mostly painful years.

You've got friends here and where you exist there aren't even any fences to sit on...Whichever side you choose, we'll still be around ya! Heart


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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14-04-2017, 01:38 PM
RE: Existential Crisis
Wow. I still have a hard time believing it.

But - you are selling TTA short. Your stay here was long enough for you to find atheist thought familiar and not scary. You understood the concept well and long before you had cause to examine your thinking again. That certainly helps.

I hope things are going to look better soon. Getting your house back and getting a job will go a long way towards normalcy.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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