Extremely frustrated...
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12-12-2012, 07:32 PM
Sad Extremely frustrated...
I'm part of a Venture Crew, which is a section of BSA, except our units are co-ed. We are actually the only crew in the vicinity of our district, and so we usually get a lot of attention from the BSA council; in fact, they are coming to our crew Christmas party this Saturday, which is at my house. I'm dreading it, because I'm not sure I will be able to get through the night without either bawling my eyes out or ripping someone's head off.

This is why:

My cousin is also part of the crew with me. I actually invited her to join (and am really regretting my decision now). Anyways, she's a typical teenage girl, with perhaps one too many hormones running rampant. I hate to say it, but she is one of those teenage girls who chases after anything with a dick Dodgy (Maybe that was too blunt, but it was exactly what I wanted to say). Anyways, a couple of months ago (about six), a new family joined our crew. I was president at the time, and it was exciting because we don't really get that many new people, as many people aren't even aware that such a thing as a Venture Crew exists. The family was comprised of three teenage members who joined--two girls and one boy, as well as their father. Their family, I'd just like to add, is Southern Baptist, and are also completely ignorant (I'm not trying to offend any southern baptists); the father is always preaching, whenever he gets a spare moment too.

Well, of course, my cousin began to chase after the boy who came. Now they're in a relationship, and I wouldn't care if it wasn't against the rules (Venturers can't date each other, its a conflict of interest and against Youth Protection Guidelines).

I'm pretty sure my cousin thinks I'm the most ignorant person on the face of the Earth, as she is constantly insulting me. We also go to school together, and are in the Drama department. A couple of weeks ago, we put on a play in which she was an actress and I was on sound. On the car ride home from one practice, and later on facebook, she commented on how the technical jobs could be done by the actors, though I know that's not true (None of them even know how to turn the sound on). She also commented that the tech people were just around to "make it easier". The message was pretty clear: "My job is more important than yours, and yours is to kiss my feet." Angry

So, I called her out on it. I should probably mention that I am very precise in my writing and language, and can be just as blatant as Christopher Hitchens once was and still is. I say what I mean, and I mean what I say. I spelled it out for them in a long spiel, that my job was not to serve her. I made doubly sure that I did not insult her. But apparently, they must have seen it differently from me, as later, the boy's sister made a passive aggressive comment about it on her own wall. I apologized to the two sisters for going off on Facebook, but I did not apologize for what I said. I didn't see anything wrong with it; I was just defending myself. But they don't want to listen to me; they like my cousin better. I know why they don't like me, actually: it's because I'm very outspokenly against getting help from their father, who has told my mother that my dad had to answer to god because she was the head of our household, not him. They have no qualms about my cousin, though, who is the perfect leech. She's charismatic, pretty, and flirty. I'm not.

I don't know what to do. No We're having a party on Saturday, as I mentioned, and I'm afraid of a confrontation there, and I think I just might throw my copy of The Origin of Species if the father starts preaching to me again. I don't see why I have to keep myself in check, because I don't feel as if I've done anything. I guess next time I'm insulted, I should stay silent. I guess next time that I see my cousin practically humping that boy's leg, I should turn away. I'm sorry for the rant, but I just have to get it out. Thank you, those who read the entire messy and disorganized thing.

"Leave the atom alone."
-E.Y. Harburgh
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12-12-2012, 11:54 PM
RE: Extremely frustrated...
Well, call them out on the relationship, end that, and then attack the other problems. Relationships in those groups can be very, very bad.

-summum ius, summa iniuria.-M. T. Cicero
-I will show you fear in a handful of dust.-T.S. Eliot
-
ἡ φύσις οὐδὲν ποιεῖ ἅλματα

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13-12-2012, 12:01 AM
RE: Extremely frustrated...
For your drama group issue, I would bring forward the comments to the teacher. When I worked in arts we all knew how important the sound person and technicians are. They make the magic happen. Someone needs to be humbled, it looks like. In photography, there are models like this, who think they make the photo look good. Sure, a model has to have their own set of skills, like an actor, but also the photographer/techs have skill. The equipment doesn't just run itself. That would be a disaster.

As for the father and preachy types (I've been around this)- is Venture crew religious based? I have no idea, but I think it is founded on christianity, isn't it?

Irregardless, I have learned to say things like "Sure, you can go ahead and pray, I'm going to the washroom/checking out the food table/petting the cat, etc." Or, if a religious fact is made (Ie the bible says, quotes of scripture, comment, whatever) I simply thank the person for sharing their (I emphasize) belief.

I don't know if I'd be making digs back, it might not be helpful. Though, I completely understand the gut wrenching feeling of having something being shoved down your throat over and over when you just want to connect in a more personal way and have fun. *shudder*. I just don't think joining them at their evangel level with my own opinions does much but cause walls to go up and judgements to be made. Personally, I rather diffuse and not participate (but make it clear, too- healthy boundaries) If my opinion is invited, then I will give it. Otherwise no one 'hears' it, you know?

What is your party going to look like (activities, etc)?
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14-12-2012, 11:21 PM
RE: Extremely frustrated...
(13-12-2012 12:01 AM)LadyJane Wrote:  As for the father and preachy types (I've been around this)- is Venture crew religious based? I have no idea, but I think it is founded on christianity, isn't it?


Irregardless, I have learned to say things like "Sure, you can go ahead and pray, I'm going to the washroom/checking out the food table/petting the cat, etc." Or, if a religious fact is made (Ie the bible says, quotes of scripture, comment, whatever) I simply thank the person for sharing their (I emphasize) belief.



I don't know if I'd be making digs back, it might not be helpful. Though, I completely understand the gut wrenching feeling of having something being shoved down your throat over and over when you just want to connect in a more personal way and have fun. *shudder*. I just don't think joining them at their evangel level with my own opinions does much but cause walls to go up and judgements to be made. Personally, I rather diffuse and not participate (but make it clear, too- healthy boundaries) If my opinion is invited, then I will give it. Otherwise no one 'hears' it, you know?



What is your party going to look like (activities, etc)?
BSA is founded on the mere belief in a higher power, so in the crew, I am simply a "deist." The problem isn't that he's sharing his view--its that he's not accepting others. We have in our crew several Mormons and Catholics, but I never get to hear them pitch their piece on Sunday morning after crawling out of our tents.

As for our party, we're having a secret Santa gift giveaway and then going caroling *Shudder*.

"Leave the atom alone."
-E.Y. Harburgh
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14-12-2012, 11:31 PM
RE: Extremely frustrated...
We just have a festival of lights. Everyone gets a candle and we walk from city hall to lowet queens park. (i know the name is irrelevant)

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
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