Facepalms
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30-03-2012, 04:49 PM
Facepalms
We ought to have a thread for these, don't you think?

I'll get the ball rolling with one of my own.

Back when I was a Christian, I had a fellow believer tell me that God allowed blacks to be enslaved in this nation to make them needy for him and to cry out for him. In doing so, this caused them to create soul music.

Thanks, Yahweh, for being such a voracious self indulgent douche.
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30-03-2012, 05:40 PM
RE: Facepalms
Facepalm is my default position when reading anything religious. That is if it doesn't make me cringe with the sheer volume of ignorance from the person saying it.

The only two Ive heard in person would be "evolutions a lie, because Im not descended from monkeys"

And the second one was said by some asshole Christian that goes door to door spreading the word.
He asked if it was ok to leave a religious leaflet. I said "no thanks" then he said in dickheaded way "why not? I tell him we aren't religious. He gives me a look of disgust and says "so you have no idea how the world works then!" (this from an asshole that goes door to door with a copy of the watchtower in his hand).

Behold the power of the force!
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04-06-2012, 08:47 PM
RE: Facepalms
A friend of mine just posted something awful on FB - her cousin, his two sons, and his father were in a vehicle collision with a tow truck. The other three are well, but her cousin is in horrible condition. When she posted that it looked like he was stable and was going to make it, her friend commented the following: "God is Good! That's great news!"
Of course, I couldn't let that go. I commented: "Doctors are good too..."
Her response? "this is true.. I give praise to GOD, but absolutely thank Him for doctors!"
I then posted the Wikipedia link to Russell's Teapot. I doubt she'd get it, but...what the heck. Some days, I think that I'll wear out the link to Russell's teapot or my Captain Picard facepalm JPEG. I neglected to mention that if God was so great, why didn't he stop the tow truck? Logic is a gift, and a curse...

Without followers, evil cannot spread.
--SPOCK, Star Trek: TOS "And The Children Shall Lead"
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04-06-2012, 10:08 PM
RE: Facepalms
When my theist friend believes in evolution, but still thinks humans were created by god...

Under Repair.
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05-06-2012, 04:02 AM
RE: Facepalms
(30-03-2012 05:40 PM)FSM_scot Wrote:  Facepalm is my default position when reading anything religious. That is if it doesn't make me cringe with the sheer volume of ignorance from the person saying it.

The only two Ive heard in person would be "evolutions a lie, because Im not descended from monkeys"

And the second one was said by some asshole Christian that goes door to door spreading the word.
He asked if it was ok to leave a religious leaflet. I said "no thanks" then he said in dickheaded way "why not? I tell him we aren't religious. He gives me a look of disgust and says "so you have no idea how the world works then!" (this from an asshole that goes door to door with a copy of the watchtower in his hand).
Oh I love the Witnesses.
"Excuse me sir, can we borrow 10minutes of your time to talk about the Jehovah Witnesses"
"depends.."
"Depends on what sir"
"Do you have a spare 10minutes to hear about my Atheism"
"Now sir I don't think we want to hear about that.."
"Exactly, so what makes you think I wanna waste my time listening about yours. Now please leave, my dog has not had breakfast yet and she does not like trespassers"

Never seen three people get off a property so fast. Best day ever to stay home from school "sick".

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05-06-2012, 06:22 AM
RE: Facepalms
(05-06-2012 04:02 AM)earmuffs Wrote:  Oh I love the Witnesses.
"Excuse me sir, can we borrow 10minutes of your time to talk about the Jehovah Witnesses"
"depends.."
"Depends on what sir"
"Do you have a spare 10minutes to hear about my Atheism"
"Now sir I don't think we want to hear about that.."
"Exactly, so what makes you think I wanna waste my time listening about yours. Now please leave, my dog has not had breakfast yet and she does not like trespassers"

Never seen three people get off a property so fast. Best dLauren Cohanay ever to stay home from school "sick".

Brilliant. Simple yet effective. I'll need to try that next time they come to annoy me.

They've not been for a while so I think we're over due a visit. The best part is they have a hall at the end of my street so there is no escaping them.

Behold the power of the force!
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05-06-2012, 08:31 AM
RE: Facepalms
(05-06-2012 06:22 AM)FSM_scot Wrote:  
(05-06-2012 04:02 AM)earmuffs Wrote:  Oh I love the Witnesses.
"Excuse me sir, can we borrow 10minutes of your time to talk about the Jehovah Witnesses"
"depends.."
"Depends on what sir"
"Do you have a spare 10minutes to hear about my Atheism"
"Now sir I don't think we want to hear about that.."
"Exactly, so what makes you think I wanna waste my time listening about yours. Now please leave, my dog has not had breakfast yet and she does not like trespassers"

Never seen three people get off a property so fast. Best dLauren Cohanay ever to stay home from school "sick".

Brilliant. Simple yet effective. I'll need to try that next time they come to annoy me.

They've not been for a while so I think we're over due a visit. The best part is they have a hall at the end of my street so there is no escaping them.
Scot, You could also say: "Don't make me call up the squirrels!"

"IN THRUST WE TRUST"

"We were conservative Jews and that meant we obeyed God's Commandments until His rules became a royal pain in the ass."

- Joel Chastnoff, The 188th Crybaby Brigade
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05-06-2012, 08:31 AM
RE: Facepalms
(05-06-2012 04:02 AM)earmuffs Wrote:  
(30-03-2012 05:40 PM)FSM_scot Wrote:  Facepalm is my default position when reading anything religious. That is if it doesn't make me cringe with the sheer volume of ignorance from the person saying it.

The only two Ive heard in person would be "evolutions a lie, because Im not descended from monkeys"

And the second one was said by some asshole Christian that goes door to door spreading the word.
He asked if it was ok to leave a religious leaflet. I said "no thanks" then he said in dickheaded way "why not? I tell him we aren't religious. He gives me a look of disgust and says "so you have no idea how the world works then!" (this from an asshole that goes door to door with a copy of the watchtower in his hand).
Oh I love the Witnesses.
"Excuse me sir, can we borrow 10minutes of your time to talk about the Jehovah Witnesses"
"depends.."
"Depends on what sir"
"Do you have a spare 10minutes to hear about my Atheism"
"Now sir I don't think we want to hear about that.."
"Exactly, so what makes you think I wanna waste my time listening about yours. Now please leave, my dog has not had breakfast yet and she does not like trespassers"

Never seen three people get off a property so fast. Best day ever to stay home from school "sick".
I'll have to remember that next time I don't feel like being nice.

"IN THRUST WE TRUST"

"We were conservative Jews and that meant we obeyed God's Commandments until His rules became a royal pain in the ass."

- Joel Chastnoff, The 188th Crybaby Brigade
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