Failing to live life to the fullest
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13-06-2018, 06:30 AM
Failing to live life to the fullest
I always hear speakers like Seth Andrews or Matt Dillahunty responding to claims that atheism leads to a meaningless life. They say that atheist have meaningful lives because not believing in an afterlife motivates us to lives to the fullest. But that's not true for me; I've been struggling with anxiety and depression for years, and possibly undiagnosed high functioning autism. I'm separated from my family, who all live in a far away country where I do not have legal residence and couldn't go to even if I did want to. I've never had a job that made me feel fulfilled or satisfied. I'm terrible with women and have not been laid since 2010. And I do not have many close friends. I'm certainly not living life to fullest, and don't know where to even begin. I thought about traveling, but that requires money I don't have.
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13-06-2018, 06:49 AM
RE: Failing to live life to the fullest
Living life to the fullest doesn't mean that one has to be a genius, sit on gilded toilets and date Ms. Universe.

It means taking what you've got and making the most of it.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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13-06-2018, 07:11 AM (This post was last modified: 13-06-2018 07:23 AM by GenesisNemesis.)
RE: Failing to live life to the fullest
You're not "failing". The vast majority of people are not able to live life to its fullest due to circumstances beyond their control. It's unfortunate, but it happens extremely often. Don't be so hard on yourself. I was diagnosed with high functioning autism, by the way. I have pretty severe social anxiety. I've pretty much accepted that there are many things I can't do because of that. That doesn't mean there's nothing I can enjoy, however.

Also, I did end up getting a job. It sucks, but if one of your goals is travel, which is also the case with me, you're probably going to have to save some money. I don't feel my job makes me fulfilled either. It's more the little things in between that matter.
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13-06-2018, 07:58 AM
RE: Failing to live life to the fullest
Oh and you've gotten laid despite being terrible with women? Seems like you're not that terrible. I haven't even had sex yet and I'm 26. Not that that matters to me very much.
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13-06-2018, 08:43 AM
RE: Failing to live life to the fullest
(13-06-2018 06:30 AM)Defcon Omega Wrote:  I always hear speakers like Seth Andrews or Matt Dillahunty responding to claims that atheism leads to a meaningless life. They say that atheist have meaningful lives because not believing in an afterlife motivates us to lives to the fullest. But that's not true for me; I've been struggling with anxiety and depression for years, and possibly undiagnosed high functioning autism. I'm separated from my family, who all live in a far away country where I do not have legal residence and couldn't go to even if I did want to. I've never had a job that made me feel fulfilled or satisfied. I'm terrible with women and have not been laid since 2010. And I do not have many close friends. I'm certainly not living life to fullest, and don't know where to even begin. I thought about traveling, but that requires money I don't have.


First things first... don't beat yourself up so much; it accomplishes nothing. We all have things in our lives that we feel we should change or do differently. Have you ever considered therapy? If you're already doing it, do you feel that it helps you? Family isn't everything, but I'm sure it is tough being so many miles away from them with no hope of living near them. That's gotta be rough. As far as work goes, most people don't feel fulfilled in their jobs. I don't think it's a requirement in life to be fulfilled by your career and I consider the people who are to be the lucky ones. I have a buddy who knew he wanted to be a firefighter since he was fucking five... I mean what the fuck is that like? I wish I knew what I wanted to do when I was that young.

As far as getting laid... that's not as hard as you think. Sexuality is part of being human and it can be frustrating when that part of your life isn't being satisfied... but you can learn how to be comfortable around women and eventually sex will just come naturally... You will hit it off with someone and boom, you get laid. It might not be a good idea to put too much pressure on yourself in that sense because I often find women can smell desperation from a mile away. That's something you might want to stay cool and casual about. As far as traveling... that's a luxury. I know guys who are 40 years old that have rarely left a ten block radius to the neighborhood they grew up in.

It sounds like you know what you want to change and maybe just don't know how to go about changing it. Sit down and think about these things, seriously. Turn the TV, put your phone in the other room, on silent and really think about this stuff. You're probably gonna be able to come up with a plan on how to change. Write things down if you need to. In life, our expectations are often what make us happy. Don't expect to change overnight and be realistic. And again, quit beating yourself up. Plenty of people are unhappy with where they are in life. I know I'm certainly not 100% satisfied with my hand right now. But you can either choose to change and start doing things that make you feel good about you or you can sink into the darkness. From past experience I definitely prefer the former to the latter.

Good luck.
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13-06-2018, 09:02 AM
RE: Failing to live life to the fullest
I toured the world, sleeping in 72 countries, followed by 14 years of college, bagging three degrees in the process. I've been married four times. If anyone want me to do more they need to provide funds for a personal trainer.
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13-06-2018, 10:10 AM
RE: Failing to live life to the fullest
It depends on what you require for personal fulfillment. For me, now that I'm retired, it's mainly reading books, living quietly, posting online, and eating out occasionally. I don't like to travel and have little interest in people beyond the internet. I'm glad my own family lives far away since we typically only annoy each other. And I'm even glad I escaped my job, since it was highly stressful and becoming increasingly ridiculous.

However, I do agree the emphasis on personal fulfillment is misplaced in this world where so many people are struggling in various ways. It sounds like an impossible-to-achieve luxury for many people, especially for those of us who failed in major ways in our lives -- most likely the majority.
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13-06-2018, 03:56 PM
RE: Failing to live life to the fullest
(13-06-2018 10:10 AM)Thoreauvian Wrote:  It depends on what you require for personal fulfillment. For me, now that I'm retired, it's mainly reading books, living quietly, posting online, and eating out occasionally. I don't like to travel and have little interest in people beyond the internet. I'm glad my own family lives far away since we typically only annoy each other. And I'm even glad I escaped my job, since it was highly stressful and becoming increasingly ridiculous.

However, I do agree the emphasis on personal fulfillment is misplaced in this world where so many people are struggling in various ways. It sounds like an impossible-to-achieve luxury for many people, especially for those of us who failed in major ways in our lives -- most likely the majority.

I think, too often, people imagine success, or fulfillment (which is so often conflated with success), as living a luxurious life going yachting with your billionaire friends and eating out every night. Spending weekends in Paris or Rome or Mykonos. Dating the woman of your dreams and having your family and friends all look up to you.

I think this picture is complete bullshit. Not that it is not attainable for some... but it's insane to think that success or fulfillment always has to be related to material wealth.
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13-06-2018, 04:52 PM
RE: Failing to live life to the fullest
(13-06-2018 03:56 PM)RBMG Wrote:  I think, too often, people imagine success, or fulfillment (which is so often conflated with success), as living a luxurious life going yachting with your billionaire friends and eating out every night. Spending weekends in Paris or Rome or Mykonos. Dating the woman of your dreams and having your family and friends all look up to you.

I think this picture is complete bullshit. Not that it is not attainable for some... but it's insane to think that success or fulfillment always has to be related to material wealth.

We are sold that picture to keep us buying things in the hope of happiness through consumerism. The happiest people on television are in the commercials.
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14-06-2018, 05:41 AM
RE: Failing to live life to the fullest
I wouldn't be so upset about having spent the past ten years moving from one dead end low paying job to the next if I hadn't worked hard and put myself in significant debt to obtain a college degree. I would love to travel and teach English around the world, but that costs money I don't have. I even got a 100-hour TESOL certificate, only to learn that China raised their requirement to 120-hours, and nearly everywhere else requires a minimum of two years prior experience. And of course, Europe never will be a viable option for Americans, because they favor EU citizens. Or I would like to be a public speaker like Seth, but that will never happen.

Sex and relationships do come naturally... to everyone but me. And yes I have had sex... once in my entire life. And it was with someone who openly admitted she had no self-esteem and sleeps with anyone who ever gives her attention. She had surgery after a tubular pregnancy, and things didn't work like they're supposed to. I believe the expression is "tossing a hotdog down a hallway." And worse of all, I ended up having to go to the clinic to get treated for Gonorrhea and Chlamydia afterwards. I know everyone's first time is supposed to be bad, but not like this! And subsequently, it was also my last time, and will likely remain so for the rest of my life.

I don't have a problem meeting women; but %90 of women I meet are already taken. And the few who are single are either not my type or I'm not theirs. The few women who have expressed interest in me have always been the very last ones I'd ever want to date, while all the women I've made an effort to spend time with and get to know have always wanted to be "just friends". Just yesterday, I ran into an ex-coworker who I like at Wal-Mart, and she didn't give any sign she even recognized me. I'm broke, overweight, socially awkward, and 10 years older than her; and ladies like her will always have better options than me. And of course let us not forget that this is the Bible Belt, which means practically no one will ever want anything to do with an atheist.

In college, I had an ex-girlfriend who was emotionally abusive and manipulative. She would often do things like telling that the other girls in her classes think said I'm gross and ugly, or threatened to leave me every time she didn't her way on something. And then she broke up with me when I was struggling after graduation and went around telling lies about me. As recently as last year I had people I'd never even heard of before attacking on social media because of her lies. She even told me that she was only with me because she didn't believe she could do better. And then she went off and married my roommate. The same roommate she spent plenty of time with when we were together. And the worst part is that I was never even attracted to her; I settled for her out of desperation.

Someone mentioned the small things that make life bearable. I don't have any of that. I don't have any family. I have few friends, and they never have time for anything other than work and family. I haven't had a girlfriend in 8 years, and when I did it was a lousy one.
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