Fall down seven, stand up eight.
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18-01-2011, 12:03 AM
RE: Fall down seven, stand up eight.
(17-01-2011 11:09 PM)Free_Thinker Wrote:  Here are the facts, I will be blunt:

You have raging hormones, that does not help the situation.
In a few years, you will be finished highschool, that will eliminate much of your problems (those problems being people). If/when you go to college or university you can either make friends or not, if you don't nobody will care or bother you either way. If you have a couple good friends and or a girlfriend that is all you really need. When you get into your 20s you will work and things will seem more simple, however time goes by very fast (I'm 27 now and married, just got a house, but the highs and lows of highschool felt like last week.) I feel very different then I did 10 years ago, but I do not forget how I felt as a teenager. Sometimes I wish I could go and relive those times (good and bad).

Free Thinker got it right on!

I didn't have my first kiss till I was 20, first boyfriend when I was 21. I made a choice to wait for the right person, and I am so glad I did. But I do remember how hard it was in high school. I wasn't very popular, and a bit awkward and being the only one among my friends without a boyfriend made it even harder.

High school won't be the best years of your life.. trust me on that one Smile
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18-01-2011, 01:46 AM
RE: Fall down seven, stand up eight.
(17-01-2011 10:14 PM)UnderTheMicroscope Wrote:  I'm told I'm too overcritical of myself, which might be true.

I was. Most, if not all, people in our positions are.

When I find myself in times of trouble, Richard Dawkins comes to me, speaking words of reason, now I see, now I see.
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18-01-2011, 06:33 AM
RE: Fall down seven, stand up eight.
Thats exactly what I'm waiting for, once I graduate I'll be out of this town within about 48 hours. I do plan on going to university actually, I want to take psychology and sociology.
I'm sure I sound a bit cold now but as far as girls go, I don't think there is "the one" more like "the million" out of all the people on the planet how many might I be compatible with? its difficult to say I'd never find someone, I'm not looking for a normal life anyway so I view companionship to be more of a creature comfort. I'd prefer it, but I could probably live without if need be.

Hey brother christian, with your high and mighty errand, your actions speak so loud, I can't hear a word you're saying.

"This machine kills fascists..."

"Well this machine kills commies!"
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18-01-2011, 06:45 AM
RE: Fall down seven, stand up eight.
Remember that when you are in highschool or college that you are surrounded by a mere few hundred females (filter out the ones you fine attractive, friendly, have things in common, and ones that are single- and you are left with only a few), when those are the ones you see on a regular basis it tends to create the illusion that there are few to chose from which can be depressing. Highschool especially, you may see most of them for 4 years and watch them as they get BFs and so on. My point is that there are alot of people out there, and according to a commercial for a dating website (I don't know how accurate this is) it says 1 in 5 people meet on the internet these days. when you are in your 20s, you may be too busy to find people to date, the internet and dating sites are a real option these days (maybe not when you are 17 though). I was very lucky to meet my wife in a random place at a random time when we were 18. Prior to that I had a handful of girlfriends but nothing meaningful that lasted more then a couple of months. Now I've been married for 3 years and together for 9, crazy how things work out sometimes.
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18-01-2011, 08:56 AM
RE: Fall down seven, stand up eight.

Not much to add to the comments made on your current situation, but a few thoughts on the future. We go through stages in our life and we all peek at different points. I did not deal with what you are describing while in high school, but I also was not winning a popularity contest either. I was kind of a middle-of-the-road kid, if you know what I mean. I had enough friends I was not a big target for bullies but I had my issues on and off.

Then I graduated high school and went to college. That is when I started to bloom. New surroundings, new friends, and new confidence in myself. I dated a little in high school but not much. By the time I finished college, though, I was a lot more confident with women, and people in general. And, my life has more or less progressed from there.

Unfortunately for many of us, who we are growing up is defined when we are very young and dictated to us by others. However, at some point all of us are given an opportunity to take back our identity and redefine ourselves to the outside world. The hard part is obviously knowing when that opportunity presents itself. For me, it was college. My guess is that will be the case for you too.

Being 17 can be really, really difficult. You're not taken seriously by adults because you don't have "real" problems the way adults do, but they are real enough to you. And, at 17 you don't really have the experience to know how to deal with these things. You won't be 17 for ever though.

My advice is start planning your future. You're almost at the end of high school and there is probably little point in trying to change your relationships with your classmates, so start thinking about how you will change your life once you get a new start and a clean slate.

But you do have to do something about the bullying. I don't know enough of the details to offer any good counsel on that, but if you can provide more details maybe we can collectively come up with a way to manage it. For now, just try to avoid these people. What I don't advise is just calling one of these guys out and standing up to him. One of the big lies we tell our children is that bullies will usually back down when challenged. My experience is that bullies often pick their targets based on size. You very rarely see a smaller kid picking on a bigger kid unless he has a lot of back-up. So, the old "stand up to the bully" advice is a good way to get your head pounded on.

I know I was born and I know that I'll die. The in between is mine.
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18-01-2011, 09:32 AM
RE: Fall down seven, stand up eight.
I went through the same crap in high-school.I actually moved to a different high-school to avoid the bullying. It went to far for me.I actually moved to a Christian high-school at your age , I spent only a year and a half there.The indoctrination of Christian dogma was strong but beyond that , everyone let me be.They were friendly.I wasn't an atheist at the time but after "chapel class" (nice name for indoctrination) i usually listened to Judas Priest - Burn in Hell.

It's really depressing in those years of life. I know and I've been there. Being a loner makes you an easy target and a comfortable one too. I didn't have a gun but i used to fantasize about bringing a hair spray and a lighter to school and burning the bullies alive.I never became violent - music was a release for me , but the thoughts that pass through your head are very dark.My advice - find an outlet (music, painting anything that helps you express pain).

With girls , I don't know what to say.I only liked 5 until now and pretty much failed a relationship.I'm 23 and I haven't had a meaningful relationship. I'm just now learning to socialize.I had and still have few friends - i don't like crowds.
I wasted my college years paranoid of conspiracy theories and now it's over and my time was wasted - I wish I could punch people like Alex Jones or David Icke in the face.They ow me 2.5 years of my life.
My problem was that my favorite part of a woman is her intellect.It's hard to find smart girls.I saw plenty of good looking ones but when I see how stupid and shallow they are I realize I'd sooner french-kiss a shotgun rather than them.

University is a clean slate.That's when you enter a new world.I don't want to get your hopes up but that's when things change and for the better.People are different and more intellect oriented and people don't bully you any more , everyone has something they want to learn and do with their lives.
You have one major advantage over me , you are an atheist and a rational person. You go there aware of reality and without delusions dragging you down.

I don't know if you've seen the "It gets better" campaign, but I have to tell you , it's true.Beyond high-school bullies have almost no purpose , they either adapt or they fill your car with gas at the pump.

In short , all I can say is . hang on a little longer - endure till high-school ends and your life begins anew.
I hope I have helped in some way.
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18-01-2011, 01:51 PM
RE: Fall down seven, stand up eight.
UTM, trust me: it gets better.

I'm only a few years out of high school. I myself never went through any bullying - I've been told that bullying me is like kicking a spaniel puppy - but I was considered extremely geeky and never had a serious relationship with any girls.

One thing that I only found out once I left high school - in fact, I only found out a few days ago - was that I have Asperger's. It actually didn't impact my ability to make friends (I actually make friends very easily), but it did mess up my ability to understand social cues. I don't read body language or tone very well.

What I'm getting at is that, if you aren't looking for it, you'll probably miss a lot of the same stuff that I can't see. Not because you have Asperger's, but because you are a withdrawn person. If you aren't looking for it, you'll miss the people who are trying to extend a hand to you, or the girls who are flirting with you, or the people who are laughing with you rather than at you.

Your outcast status will only stand as long as you let it. If you are attending a high school, odds are that they run clubs of some kind. Join one that you're interested in. Or start one. I started a Magic: the Gathering club at my high school, and met many of my best friends through it. If there is absolutely no way for you to make friends within your school, look at other venues. I visit my local gaming store regularly, and I've made some good friends there.

And if none of this works, there's still a light at the end of the tunnel: college is coming up. Once you get there, you'll have a chance to completely reinvent yourself. No one will know or care what you were like in high school. And even if you don't want to change who you are, college still works out for you. It's a much larger community than high school. You can always find friends at college. There is always someone out there who likes the same stuff you do. And there are always intelligent, attractive womenfolk who are just waiting for somebody like you (and I know that one from personal experience, even though I didn't pick up on the flirting until it was pointed out to me).

And you've always got us. Hang in there.

"Owl," said Rabbit shortly, "you and I have brains. The others have fluff. If there is any thinking to be done in this Forest - and when I say thinking I mean thinking - you and I must do it."
- A. A. Milne, The House at Pooh Corner
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18-01-2011, 03:00 PM
RE: Fall down seven, stand up eight.
thanks you guys(and girls), I didn't really expect to get a response like this.
funny you should mention aspergers unbeliever.. they told me when I was 5.
I've heard the same thing from a lot of people who found out they had it later on in life "gee that must be why I felt like that" but they don't let it diminish them. But actually growing up with it, is completely different. You see the effect, when you react to something in a way that doesn't make sense the thought hits you "Its only because of the aspergers that I did that"
Its like trying to climb a mountain with a sprained ankle. possible, but difficult.
I did see the "It gets better" campaign actually Smile they didn't do much at my school, showed us some movies, had us play games(they thought there'd be no bullying if we were all friends) I actually got in contact with a local guy who just started the FIRST anti-bullying committee in the province, hes looking into allowing me to start a.. lets call it a confidence program Smile to build confidence, not just in ourselves but in our ability to keep ourselves safe.

Funnily enough, I've already been through the phase of realizing whats past high school. Last year I was planning on killing myself on my 16th birthday, I was going to immolate myself in front of everyone at school. I came to my realization just as I was about to flick my lighter. In the space of about a week I went from quiet, totally withdrawn and antisocial to cheery, somewhat outgoing, and I even started flirting with this girl in my class too. It didn't end well but at least I have the confidence to say "I'm not so different from the other guys"
and well... I've just kept going from there, I'm working on getting into the reserves, trying to get back in shape at the moment and I'm planning ahead.

Only 16 months left of school.

Hey brother christian, with your high and mighty errand, your actions speak so loud, I can't hear a word you're saying.

"This machine kills fascists..."

"Well this machine kills commies!"
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18-01-2011, 04:30 PM (This post was last modified: 18-01-2011 04:36 PM by Kikko.)
RE: Fall down seven, stand up eight.
Was supposed to post yesterday, but for some reason didn't.

I had similar experiences when I was 13-14 and went to middle school, but on a very much lower scale and has a happy ending. Every recess/when teachers aren't around there would be a few assholes spitting on me, kicking my balls and stabbing me with some spikes from a weird bush. They first started that with an old nerdish friend of mine from lower basic school, but as the only new kid in class who wouldn't like joining their tough guy group, I was dragged in.
I also couldn't make any friends, since I had grown up in a school of 50 students (my class was 4 students), so all the friends I had there were someones who I had known from early childhood. Of course I didn't know anything about making social contacts, and I still don't have much of an idea of how it works.
Mockery from females has its affect, but I guess life shakes it off.

Finnish assholes also seem to be pussies (metaphorically of courseTongue). When one of them got hit in the face a few times, it all cooled down alot, and the final ending was when our class was separated and divided into different classes, and most of the assholes went to a different kind of class and were rarely seen in shool anymore. I also had 2 friends who were still in lower basic school, and have now became the sort of persons that the modern me doesn't like hanging around with.

It has been repeated quite alot, but a new school is always a new opportunity. I don't have friends that I would meet more than once in 2-5 months, but I've managed to make myself a part of the class in profession school: I can drink coffee in the changer room with the rest of the class during coffee breaks, nobody's sabotizing my work and I can concentrate on my work without fearing that somebody will kick me or rob me.

I can't imagine how shitty it has been for you, but I wish you a good future, and a bad future for your local assholes, if they remain as such.
Bu the way, somebody said this once: ''When an adult is beaten up it's an assault, but when a teen is beaten up it's school bullying.''

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18-01-2011, 08:14 PM
RE: Fall down seven, stand up eight.
(18-01-2011 06:33 AM)UnderTheMicroscope Wrote:  I'm sure I sound a bit cold now but as far as girls go, I don't think there is "the one" more like "the million" out of all the people on the planet how many might I be compatible with? its difficult to say I'd never find someone, I'm not looking for a normal life anyway so I view companionship to be more of a creature comfort. I'd prefer it, but I could probably live without if need be.

I don't have a lot to add but I would like to address this comment.

I don't think there is "the one" for anyone. (others may disagree) What it really comes down to is finding someone with whom you can have mutual love and respect, and make a life with. There is no perfect person. We all have flaws. Eventually, if you're lucky, you come across someone who will accept yours, and you accept theirs. It's certainly not ALL about love. Love is important, but give and take, and respect, and the ability to discuss everything are just as important.

Here's a little piece of advice. If you know what you want, and what you don't, and what is acceptable, and what isn't, don't settle. There are issues that can be compromised on, and then there are dealbreakers. It's good to know your dealbreakers. Wink

I married the wrong man once. It sucked the life from me. I moved on, and met a very different kind of person. We certainly aren't perfect, but I wouldn't have us any other way. I consider myself fortunate, not only to have found him, but that I found my way to him.

In other words I stopped taking crap from people that I didn't like. Wink

I hope all of that made sense. I think nearly everyone can find someone to share their lives with. Just don't expect perfection.

Like may others have said, I think that once you age some that things will get better for you. Best of luck!

My reason for being is to serve as a cat cushion. That is good enough for me. Wink
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