Family member -possible terminal illness
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16-10-2015, 07:48 PM
RE: Family member -possible terminal illness
(16-10-2015 08:54 AM)jennybee Wrote:  
(16-10-2015 08:35 AM)Thumpalumpacus Wrote:  I don't think you owe your mother an apology. However, if she feels you do, you should consider it.

Agreed. I don't think you owe her an apology either. But emotions are running high right now. She uses prayer to cope. Now is not the time for debates about religion, it's a time to support each other. If it were me, I would probably "try and be the bigger person" and apologize--even if i didn't feel I was wrong or even owed her an apology. But I would say to her something along the lines of: "Mom, I'm sorry we got into it the other day about prayer. I respect that you believe and feel that it is helping. I know we have differences of opinion on that and we are both trying to handle things as best we can in our own way. I love you and let's all rally around b-i-l and offer as much support as we can for him and each other." That way you are apologizing but not saying you were wrong. I dunno, just my opinion.

I wouldn't apologize about speaking my mind on the usefulness or futility of prayer. I would avoid the topic altogether, and if Mom brings it up, I'd say, "Well, we clearly disagree" and let her -- if anyone -- make a mountain out of that molehill.

But apologizing when you haven't done someone wrong is not something I'd advise. It tilts the balance of power in a relationship.
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17-10-2015, 08:31 PM
RE: Family member -possible terminal illness
So, I didn't apologize to my mom, but we did have a nice conversation today. She talked about ways we could actually help, and she mentioned prayer again. So, I just very calmly said "Brother in law has told me he really appreciates how we have been there for him since his own family are all jerks. But did you know he isn't religious? For you and sister, the prayers are helpful, but for him it isn't. He just appreciates us for being there and offering support. She said she understood, and we are all having lunch tomorrow. Either way, even if the test turns out negative, he's still dealing with disabling mental health issues so everyone is still going to have to find a way to help each other while dealing with different ideas on religion. Thanks again for the support. I will keep you posted. The appointment for getting results is the first week in November.
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17-10-2015, 11:39 PM
RE: Family member -possible terminal illness
Glad to see that there's a glimmer of hope.
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19-10-2015, 08:11 AM
RE: Family member -possible terminal illness
This is a really difficult issue to stare down. I am really sorry that this is happening to your family. If the test comes back positive the other thing you will need to address is his end of life wishes (i.e. DNR/DNI) also right to die if you are in a state that has that as an option. The thing is that this needs to be out on the table ahead of time and that your sister and his parents are aware of what his wishes are so they are respected. Also, make sure the doctor will be on board to make him "comfortable". Again, I hope it doesn't come to this, but if it does having these issues out in the open is always a good idea.
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08-11-2015, 11:24 AM
RE: Family member -possible terminal illness
Update: The Huntington's test was negative! He now has to undergo further testing to figure out what is causing his issues. An MRI and lab work to check for cancer is part of that. It could be something just as shitty as Huntington's, something shittier than Huntington's, or something less shitty. We are hoping for less shitty. Religious differences within the family are making this situation much more stressful. Separate thread coming up about that.

Thank you for all the support.
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08-11-2015, 11:37 AM
RE: Family member -possible terminal illness
Glad to hear that Huntington's has been ruled out.

I suppose my suggestion is for you to be as supportive as you can to all parties involved.

Praying isn't going to fix anything but it's not going to hurt anything either as long as proper medical care is being sought.

I, too, will hope for less shitty. And remember that many things can be treated and life can move on though things are stuck right now.

Waiting for test results sucks so much. Undecided

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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08-11-2015, 11:38 AM
RE: Family member -possible terminal illness
Keep us updated, good luck to him.

A man should not believe in an ism, he should believe in himself. -Ferris Bueller

That's what a ship is, you know. It's not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails, that's what a ship needs but what a ship is... what the Black Pearl really is... is freedom. -Jack Sparrow
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