Family sad and emotionally blackmailing me about my atheism
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
31-10-2013, 12:24 AM (This post was last modified: 31-10-2013 01:20 AM by guitarist.)
Family sad and emotionally blackmailing me about my atheism
Well time for some venting...

My family's been a bit of a douche about my deconversion. Yesterday, my dad said that I made my mum cry by becoming an atheist and that he was really sad that I had put 'freethinker' on the school's online particulars form. I'm always told to avoid topics such as what I'll be doing when the rest of the family's overseas for the annual week long church camp.

Another time was when the family and I were debating why wives should be submissive. In the end my sis silently cried and said that she'll miss me.

I'm fucking tired of all this, I fucking hate this stupid and manipulative religion.

Edit: All over the family whatsapp group, there's thank god this pray for that, just sick of it (just some nitpicking)

That is all.

Music is my religion
- Jimi Hendrix
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
31-10-2013, 12:33 AM
Family sad and emotionally blackmailing me about my atheism
You're evil for having your own opinion. How could you?
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
31-10-2013, 12:44 AM
RE: Family sad and emotionally blackmailing me about my atheism
Goodness, they sure know how to make you feel guilty don't they - like that's going to bring you back into the fold!?
I'm sorry you are having such a bad time. Why is your sister going to miss you? Are you going somewhere? Is she?
I think it's important that they understand that you didn't exactly 'choose' to be an atheist but that you see no reason to believe and that your humanism is more important than your fear of hell.
I don't know how old you are but I guess you are still at home so maybe late teens/early twenties?
Guitarist, enjoy your life, leave religion out of the discussions and debates with your family - explain that you will never agree so just leave it alone. Do not be drawn into their arguments - two people are needed to argue. Close your ears when they 'preach' at you or quietly leave the room.
They clearly love you and are worried about your being hell-bound but also, I think, they secretly admire you for having the courage to speak out.
I openly admire you.
The very best of everything.
Brave man.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
31-10-2013, 12:44 AM
RE: Family sad and emotionally blackmailing me about my atheism
The best thing you can do is to stay positive. It will take time, but you can prove to them that you're still the same person you were, only lacking belief. I think in time, whatever they think will happen to your "eternal soul" can and will fade into the background and they will have to interact with the same old you that they know and love.

Maybe the fact that you haven't really changed as a person will cause them to think more about their own position on the subject. (maybe not, I'm trying to be helpful. It is the PIAS section) Thumbsup

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

~ Umberto Eco
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
31-10-2013, 01:00 AM
RE: Family sad and emotionally blackmailing me about my atheism
(31-10-2013 12:44 AM)englishrose Wrote:  Goodness, they sure know how to make you feel guilty don't they - like that's going to bring you back into the fold!?
I'm sorry you are having such a bad time. Why is your sister going to miss you? Are you going somewhere? Is she?
I think it's important that they understand that you didn't exactly 'choose' to be an atheist but that you see no reason to believe and that your humanism is more important than your fear of hell.
I don't know how old you are but I guess you are still at home so maybe late teens/early twenties?
Guitarist, enjoy your life, leave religion out of the discussions and debates with your family - explain that you will never agree so just leave it alone. Do not be drawn into their arguments - two people are needed to argue. Close your ears when they 'preach' at you or quietly leave the room.
They clearly love you and are worried about your being hell-bound but also, I think, they secretly admire you for having the courage to speak out.
I openly admire you.
The very best of everything.
Brave man.

1. Nope, we're all staying as we are. I know she's talking in the 'spiritual' sense, but I'm still the same.

2. Pretty young around here, 14, male.

Thanks for your encouragement and I'll try to pull through! Hug

Music is my religion
- Jimi Hendrix
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
31-10-2013, 01:33 PM
RE: Family sad and emotionally blackmailing me about my atheism
Good luck. I'll reiterate the "stay positive" sentiments. Tell your family you respect their right to hold their own beliefs and that you think they should respect yours.

Try to avoid brining up the subject if you can. I know you shouldn't have to self-censor like that, but if your goal is to have a pleasant life, it's probably your best bet. If they bring it up, remind them that you respect their right to their decision and that they should respect yours.

I do have to say I'm glad that my family hasn't tried this with me. I'm sure it disappoints them. So far as I know, my dad feels I'm going through a phase. I don't know what their belief is regarding hell, but I know my wife doesn't believe in hell, so at least there's that!
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
31-10-2013, 11:41 PM
RE: Family sad and emotionally blackmailing me about my atheism
Know that in a few short years, you will get to go to college and learn about all the great ideas - since the beginning of recorded history. You'll meet girls and drink beers, study and party hard, and really get to be independent. Right now, just focus on getting good grades at school and like they said, try to avoid the topic and not focus on it. There are a lot of cool things I wish I would have learned back in high school - like welding and machine work. Maybe stay after school at the shop class, or computer, or whatever and just spend extra time learning things that interest you instead of going home to a shitty conversation about religion?

Just a thought. Focus on school and keep your atheism in your back pocket for college. My 2 cents.

Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're an incredible slouch.

Martin Luther was the "father" of two movements - The Reformation and Nazism.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Skippy538's post
01-11-2013, 12:42 AM
RE: Family sad and emotionally blackmailing me about my atheism
(31-10-2013 11:41 PM)Skippy538 Wrote:  Know that in a few short years, you will get to go to college and learn about all the great ideas - since the beginning of recorded history. You'll meet girls and drink beers, study and party hard, and really get to be independent. Right now, just focus on getting good grades at school and like they said, try to avoid the topic and not focus on it. There are a lot of cool things I wish I would have learned back in high school - like welding and machine work. Maybe stay after school at the shop class, or computer, or whatever and just spend extra time learning things that interest you instead of going home to a shitty conversation about religion?

Just a thought. Focus on school and keep your atheism in your back pocket for college. My 2 cents.

That is always my advice. Otherwise you always invite the "rebellious" discussion -- which in turn leaves false hope that you'll change your views. (of course, you could change them -- my experience is that most people who come at atheism from a thoughtful perspective don't change their minds -- they simply become more adept at hiding it or defusing it.


When tears are in your eyes and you can't find the way
It's hard to make believe you're happy when you're gray
Baby, when you're feelin' like you'll never see the mornin' light
Come to me..Baby, you'll see -- The Four Seasons

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
01-11-2013, 02:08 AM
RE: Family sad and emotionally blackmailing me about my atheism
I don't think religious debating ever goes well with family and friends. Maybe a different approach such as reasoning with them? They don't have to understand completely but they should at least try to respect where you are coming from.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
01-11-2013, 10:44 AM
RE: Family sad and emotionally blackmailing me about my atheism
Been there; done that. When I was 14 years old I could no longer keep my atheism to myself. My mother looked skyward and yelled, "Forgive him father for he knows not what he says." My father accused me of trying to give my mother a fatal heart attack and my sister accused me of trying to make the family implode. I wound up living with my grandparents for a couple months until things cooled off. That was 52 years ago [I'm 66 years old now] and I've had a wonderful life. When I look back on it, my outing as an atheist wasn't even a little bump in the road even though my family went bat shit fucking nuts. No matter what kind of guilt trip they lay on you, trust me, they cannot ruin your life.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: