Father Disowned Me Because I'm Still Atheist
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03-06-2014, 10:30 AM
Father Disowned Me Because I'm Still Atheist
So my father and I have been in and out of arguments since last November. We would get into an argument one week and then three weeks later it'll get better and then one of us say something stupid and then it'll go back into a tense argumentative situation.

So anyways, this time it started with a Facebook status:

"If I knew I could be skating on the beach and hanging out with atheists and free thinkers on Sunday mornings I would have left church long ago. This is my type Sunday. So happy and content right now, all I need is my beautiful city and my fellow humans. No tricks, no gimmicks, no lies, no broken promises, no superstitions, and no fear or guilt. Just me and the beautiful world that I live in. Smile "

And then I received this message from my father and the following conversation transpired:


DAD
We would love to have had you at the temple with us. Im sorry that you feel that you have to publicly shame your family on Facebook. We still love you and you can always return. His arms are outstretched still. The last thing you mentioned was guilt.... If there is so much guilt, it's because you know you are doing something you should not... And you need to understand the atonement. It covers everything.
How's the job searching?


ME
no. you need to understand my status. in which part of the status did I shame you? I shame your religion because your religion is shameful. but you know everything, and I dont know why I am attempting to help you see it my way. the mormon religion is a victimizing its members for doing completely natural and human things. its cult, and a culture that pities the world not being saved. the mormon culture is racist, decieving, and hurtful.
and stop it. the atonement is the most idiotic, and illogical doctrines to have been invented. I dont have guilt because for once in my life, im true to myself and the world I live in. I dont need a sky daddy and his arrogant fat white prophets to show the way.
and I am welcome to come back?
to what exactly? the church? hell no. the church is full of fake ass friends who either dont care to associate with me or want to save me. I enjoy the friends I am making because they dont care about any of that nonsense, but they care about me for who I am.
to the family? I never thought I left.
do me a huge favor and respect my lack of belief. I dont need an atonement, salvation, or superstitions. drop the stereotypical religious stuff. just be a dad. thats how I like you best. I dont need a preacher or high priest, or preisthood holder.
but sadly, it is starting to appear that is impossible because im apostate in the your eyes.
just be happy for me. im falling into the arms of myself. I have finally found my truth and found my direction. im discoverying my own style, I am discoverying my musical genre, im discovering all this science that I have never heard of, im obsessed with quantum physics, im finding new hobbies, I am discovering my talents with computers and programing. I am finding my writing style. my relationship with my wife is fantastic. though I have occassional relapses and problems, when I am happy, I am the happiest I have ever been in my life.
and the worst part, religious people refuse to admit that my lack of belief was the healthiest thing I have ever done.
My wife and I were just talking about how we were so glad that we weren't married in the temple because things would have been so much worse.
this who I am, this is how I think. I no longer have interest in religion other than to let others know they can be happy and better with out it. I have no interest in the supernatural. I love logic, reason, and science. life is so much better with it.

DAD
And the job searching?

ME
you need communication skills

DAD
Whatever Kyle!

ME
I just wrote you a long message, all of which you ignored. check yourself.

DAD
You better check yourself. Cuz it looks like your going no where real fast.
Well. I'd like to waste more time talking in circles with you. But I'm going to go do something productive.

ME
bring it dad. bring it. let out all your insecurities and fears on me. let it all out.
coward.

DAD
You are the most disrespectful and rudest person I have ever known. And if you say you are happy, you are a liar. You no longer have a job. How are you going to live. Where are you going to live in a couple months? When the money runs out.
Good-bye..... I'm done. I will not communicate with you any longer until you become humble and full of live and compassion. If you are a representation of an atheist, then I want nothing to do with it.

ME
wow. feel big now?
just let me know when youre ready to have a real conversation, and I will be here to listen.

END OF CONVERSATION

I don't know, at the very beginning of coming out I was angry with guns slingin'. Then I cooled down and I sought to reconcile things with my parent and I did. And then my dad would come back and say cruddy things and ruin the situation. Then I would try to be honest in what I need from my father and he always ignores it. I think he is upset because he said my atheism is just a phase, but I think he now realizes it isn't and I am very unapologetic for standing up for my self.

So now this is possibly the worst timing, I lost my job and now he thinks I'm a failure. I'm 21 for goodness sake!! I was mentally abused by the mormon church for the first two years out of high school and then the third year I was rushed into a marriage to save my wife and I from sexual sin.

So my wife and I had been living on our own, going back to college, and paying for everything while going through our transitional stage out of religion. I just lost my job and my wife is going part time for school and so now we have to move out of our apartment and figure things out in the next thirty days.

Anyways, just wish my father would hear me out and respect me and my decisions and acknowledge my concerns.

In the mean time, I live with out a father because I'm atheist.

"A man should look for what is, and not for what he thinks should be."- Albert Einstein.

"We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special." Steven Hawking
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03-06-2014, 10:35 AM
RE: Father Disowned Me Because I'm Still Atheist
“You cannot reason people out of a position that they did not reason themselves into.”


― Ben Goldacre, Bad Science



Bowing

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
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03-06-2014, 12:14 PM
RE: Father Disowned Me Because I'm Still Atheist
Just start busting ass to find another job, any job.


If you want to make peace with your dad, limit what he can see on Facebook, at least for a few months till you get your situation straightened out.

You aren't going to see life his way and he isn't going to see it your way-- just stop poking it with a stick. Be mature enough to just walk away.

You need a period of calmness between you two, you need a period of time where you discuss other things.
You don't need to explain anymore, just show him how happy you are by enjoying and getting the most out of life.

Ut-oh. I hear that Disney song......Let it go, let it go.....


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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03-06-2014, 12:20 PM
RE: Father Disowned Me Because I'm Still Atheist
"In the mean time, I live with out a father... "

Well, it seems you feel the need to continually pick a fight with him so, it's probably for the best to not be around him until you become more secure with yourself.
***

How is the job hunt going? What kind of job does the wife have; will her income be able to support you two until you get something? Summer might be difficult at first - school being off means more competition for the good-crappy jobs. Good thing about it is, there can be a quick turn over and employers frequently take what they can get just to cover.

My favorite good-crappy, go-to job is custodian. Thumbsup It's pretty simple and therefore stress free.

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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03-06-2014, 12:57 PM
RE: Father Disowned Me Because I'm Still Atheist
I'll give you some advice for the job hunt as it's the only option really.

Take a look around where you live and see if there's shit that needs to be done. People have all kinds of shit that they need done but most people either don't have the skills or are too lazy to do it. Go to conventions and other events or anything and just ask if they need a hand.

If you can't find a job in the traditional sense then you have two options available to you. Go find small jobs all over the place or even better make the work for yourself.

Start up a gardening business. Learn small landscaping techniques (it's really not hard just hard work) as they'll come in handy.

If it's one thing I've learned it's that there is ALWAYS work to be done just get creative.

NEW AND IMPROVED!
Twice the anger, Half the space!
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03-06-2014, 05:09 PM
RE: Father Disowned Me Because I'm Still Atheist
You are not honoring your father. He raised you to the best of his ability and loves you very much. You need to respect his beliefs without expecting him to respect yours. There's no need to fly Atheism like a flag. You overstepped your bounds when you posted to FB. You need to accept your father as he is and not be judgemental.
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03-06-2014, 05:44 PM
RE: Father Disowned Me Because I'm Still Atheist
Baby sitting, but only if you actually like hanging out with kids. School is out, working parents always need summer help.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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03-06-2014, 07:19 PM (This post was last modified: 03-06-2014 07:24 PM by elconquistador.)
RE: Father Disowned Me Because I'm Still Atheist
(03-06-2014 05:09 PM)Takelababy Wrote:  You are not honoring your father. He raised you to the best of his ability and loves you very much. You need to respect his beliefs without expecting him to respect yours. There's no need to fly Atheism like a flag. You overstepped your bounds when you posted to FB. You need to accept your father as he is and not be judgemental.

I don't think you understand. The hostility is due to his judgements and disrespect. I don't fly it like a flag. That's what I started doing (respect his beliefs), but it doesn't work. I don't need to respect him, he's been nothing but an ass since I went to the mental hospital. So detached, willfully ignorant, and unsympathetic to my situation.

"A man should look for what is, and not for what he thinks should be."- Albert Einstein.

"We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special." Steven Hawking
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03-06-2014, 07:23 PM
RE: Father Disowned Me Because I'm Still Atheist
Also, understanding mormonism and the culture would be helpful too.

I understand my vices. But I've spent the last 6 months trying to kiss and make up but I gave up. The past month I've just been trying to get my dad to hear me out and understand me. I've even set boundries, all of which he crossed. So now I am unapologetic and I'm leaving my dad in the past. I'll talk to him in a couple years when I have everything set so he can't talk shit on my life.

"A man should look for what is, and not for what he thinks should be."- Albert Einstein.

"We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special." Steven Hawking
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03-06-2014, 08:42 PM
Father Disowned Me Because I'm Still Atheist
(03-06-2014 07:19 PM)elconquistador Wrote:  
(03-06-2014 05:09 PM)Takelababy Wrote:  You are not honoring your father. He raised you to the best of his ability and loves you very much. You need to respect his beliefs without expecting him to respect yours. There's no need to fly Atheism like a flag. You overstepped your bounds when you posted to FB. You need to accept your father as he is and not be judgemental.

I don't think you understand. The hostility is due to his judgements and disrespect. I don't fly it like a flag. That's what I started doing (respect his beliefs), but it doesn't work. I don't need to respect him, he's been nothing but an ass since I went to the mental hospital. So detached, willfully ignorant, and unsympathetic to my situation.

It's bullshit anyway. People can flood Facebook "Sunsets are proof of God" and bible verses, but talk about non belief and suddenly it's "Hey, show some respect! Why do you care about what other people believe? Keep it to yourself!"




“It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts.”
― Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Sherlock Holmes
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