Favorite Crucifixion alternatives.
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01-11-2013, 01:19 AM
Tongue Favorite Crucifixion alternatives.
Ive always wondered what people would worship if Jesus was not claimed to have been crucified.

My fav is impaled, you could make treats for kids
LolliGod, or JesusKebab. Father the Son and the holy sphincter.

Theism is to believe what other people claim, Atheism is to ask "why should I".
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01-11-2013, 01:38 AM
RE: Favorite Crucifixion alternatives.
What if he had been stoned to death as was demanded for heretics back in the day?

A whole new take on rock candy. Every pile of gravel would be a shrine... Dodgy

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01-11-2013, 02:00 AM
RE: Favorite Crucifixion alternatives.
Drowning (the drowned god, submarine savior), would make baptisms a whole lot more fun.

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01-11-2013, 03:06 AM
RE: Favorite Crucifixion alternatives.
The Jesus mythology was to fit the sacrifice/human sacrifice narrative. So he had to die. But I guess the means of the death didn't matter as long as it was public and had a long period of suffering.

I suppose "eaten/mauled by lions" would have been a good narrative. Day by day the lions would takes swipes, or gnaw. And the religious symbol from there on out could have been some sort of lion.

edit: OH! And the religious zealots, instead of nailing themselves to crosses, could enter cages with lions and try to get bit or clawed to show their devotion. That would be interesting.
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01-11-2013, 03:16 AM
RE: Favorite Crucifixion alternatives.
I was just thinking a public hanging.

everyone would little nooses instead of crosses. :giggle:
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01-11-2013, 03:48 AM
RE: Favorite Crucifixion alternatives.
(01-11-2013 03:06 AM)PoolBoyG Wrote:  The Jesus mythology was to fit the sacrifice/human sacrifice narrative. So he had to die. But I guess the means of the death didn't matter as long as it was public and had a long period of suffering.

I suppose "eaten/mauled by lions" would have been a good narrative. Day by day the lions would takes swipes, or gnaw. And the religious symbol from there on out could have been some sort of lion.

edit: OH! And the religious zealots, instead of nailing themselves to crosses, could enter cages with lions and try to get bit or clawed to show their devotion. That would be interesting.


This shows why I like Prometheus better. He suffers everyday by being chained to a rock and having his liver eaten by an eagle. Every night the liver grows back, and every day the eagle comes back to repeat the process. He suffers like this everyday for bestowing the gift of FIRE to all mankind, for stealing that secret from the gods.

[Image: T20.1Prometheus.jpg]

As far as fictional heroes goes, Prometheus' sacrifice for tangible fire is far more powerful than Jesus' promise of an unverifiable salvation after death.

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01-11-2013, 05:25 AM
RE: Favorite Crucifixion alternatives.
(01-11-2013 03:48 AM)EvolutionKills Wrote:  
(01-11-2013 03:06 AM)PoolBoyG Wrote:  The Jesus mythology was to fit the sacrifice/human sacrifice narrative. So he had to die. But I guess the means of the death didn't matter as long as it was public and had a long period of suffering.

I suppose "eaten/mauled by lions" would have been a good narrative. Day by day the lions would takes swipes, or gnaw. And the religious symbol from there on out could have been some sort of lion.

edit: OH! And the religious zealots, instead of nailing themselves to crosses, could enter cages with lions and try to get bit or clawed to show their devotion. That would be interesting.


This shows why I like Prometheus better. He suffers everyday by being chained to a rock and having his liver eaten by an eagle. Every night the liver grows back, and every day the eagle comes back to repeat the process. He suffers like this everyday for bestowing the gift of FIRE to all mankind, for stealing that secret from the gods.

[Image: T20.1Prometheus.jpg]

As far as fictional heroes goes, Prometheus' sacrifice for tangible fire is far more powerful than Jesus' promise of an unverifiable salvation after death.

ALL HAIL PROMETHEUS, BRINGER OF FIRE!!




wait, isn't jesus supposed to bring fire when he comes again? salvation for the good, fire for the damned? or something?
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01-11-2013, 05:55 AM
RE: Favorite Crucifixion alternatives.
(01-11-2013 05:25 AM)Colourcraze Wrote:  ALL HAIL PROMETHEUS, BRINGER OF FIRE!!

wait, isn't jesus supposed to bring fire when he comes again? salvation for the good, fire for the damned? or something?

Hallowed are the BowingORIBowing




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01-11-2013, 08:44 AM
RE: Favorite Crucifixion alternatives.
(01-11-2013 02:00 AM)sporehux Wrote:  Drowning (the drowned god, submarine savior), would make baptisms a whole lot more fun.

Were that there a Song of Ice and Fire reference?



Thing is, the cross has become a symbol due to a long history of iconography. The original fishy thing didn't have the same pathos / death-serenity.

So anything too horrible, like maybe a pythonesque hand-grenade, would not have been useful for the artists. Likewise, drowning would not have given the opportunity for that final prayer?

In order to catch on, it would have had to have been something with similar suffering / serenity.

Consider

Flaying with whips?

No, too gruesome.

Idea

A very nasty paper-cut

Thumbsup

So, every page of every bible would be printed with a red border.

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01-11-2013, 09:03 AM
RE: Favorite Crucifixion alternatives.
Impaled Jesus would definitely be interesting for the visuals.
Burnt to a crisp... not so much. On the other hand, the cult of fire and/or sun is old as well, so who knows. Flaming bush necklaces?

But well the iconography of impalement ceremonies on church stained glass windows could go wild. Or well, you know, maybe it'd be edited out to "Jesus suffered A LOT" in 1552. Wouldn't be too astounding.
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