Feeling a bit forever alone...
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04-11-2011, 08:18 PM
Feeling a bit forever alone...
So I'm a 21 yo atheist male living in Utah. I've never been great with women but it's my own fault. I'm a good looking guy [been told so and attract fairly attractive women] but I just can't seem to put it together.

In high school I was apathetic and just wanted to play xbox. I had my fair chances but blew them through a combination of escapism and nerves.

In college all of my buddies went on their LDS missions and I basically slipped into a depression. I didn't know what I wanted in life and its hard to meet women when you're not feeling so hot yourself.

Well... Im not one to roll over and play dead. So challenge accepted.

Over the last few months I have
  • Read almost every dating book / material I can get my hands on
  • Started lifting and put on 30 lbs [took 5 months but i did it]
  • Started working on myself, I can't expect to make someone else happy if I can't do so myself
  • Become more independent. learned to be okay with being alone
  • Dated as much as I can, I shoot for one a week but that usually doesn't happen, but I went from one date a year to several a month
  • Got an awesome job doing something I love
  • Worked on my posture.

My life has headed in a much better direction. But I still can't seem to put anything together. I'm looking through my phone and I had to work really hard to meet and date all of the women in my inbox, and literally I don't feel like any of them are going to work out.

I have never been very intimate with a woman. I'm a virgin. Most people wouldn't know it and i keep it to myself. My confidence hides it pretty well but I can't help but feel panicky when I think about it.

Living in an area with like 80 percent mormons isn't helping either. And I'm living home because of this awesome job, my parents house is within 20 miles. My college campus is more than 60 miles away and I couldn't make the commute each day. I'm really thinking about moving out and continuing to force myself into uncomfortable situations but I feel like I've already done so with the rest of my life.

I also just got blown off by a girl I was really looking forward to meeting tonight. I know I'll get through it but I"m just feeling a little down and didn't have anyone to talk to.

TLBig GrinR, I'm feeling really lonely despite all of the work I've done to avoid feeling so.
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05-11-2011, 04:46 AM
RE: Feeling a bit forever alone...
Well you seem to be on the right tracks. Everything you did is a good thing to boost your confidence. My advice when on a date is to try and relax. Don't think of it as a date, think of it more as meeting a new friend (who is a girl), so it would be easier to connect with that person, because I think you have a bit of a problem with connecting with girls, since you lack the experience, caused by plying too much video games instead of exploring your "teenagearism"... So first things first, find someone you can talk to and connect first, then finding a girlfriend, or transforming that relationship to something bigger, would be easier. And believe it or not, there are girls who love virgins, trust me, I found one when it was needed. I just told her I was a virgin still and she loved the idea of taking that away from me. I didn't complain.

Now go out and surround yourself with new friends, lock that Playstation in a basement and stay out with people as long as it takes.

[Image: a6505fe8.jpg]
I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours.
-Hunter S. Thompson
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05-11-2011, 07:11 AM
RE: Feeling a bit forever alone...
What Filox said.
Also, maybe you would be more comfortable in a group situation, rather than a couple situation, to begin with. Join something - a hobby club, reading circle, sport team or support group or just people from work going out to lunch on payday. Takes some of the pressure off, not having to carry the whole conversation, and you know you already have at least one thing in common with everyone else present.

If you pray to anything, you're prey to anything.
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05-11-2011, 12:11 PM
RE: Feeling a bit forever alone...
Thanks for the advice guys. I actually prefer 1 on 1 situations and don't struggle to carry conversations with most people. I was elected as class president back in the day.

I have found several women in the last year whom I've "friendzoned" first. It's a great way to get back in the groove and feeling more comfortable. It also drives them nuts, women like what they can't have.

Maybe I just haven't found the right person. IDK. Just frustrated I guess.

Thanks again for the advice. Any more is welcome. I'm not trying to justify everything, just trying to clarify my situation. Thanks again for taking time to supply advice!
Oh and if anyone else in a similar situation is lurking... One of the most helpful things I've found is

I drop all expectations you may have with any woman/relationship

Probably the most important thing I've learned. This accomplishes a number of things all at once.
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05-11-2011, 01:09 PM
RE: Feeling a bit forever alone...
I'm going to give you a story/adivce straight out of my books.
I have also not spent to much time in the zone of females but not becaunse I amnot popular with them. Oh no quite the contrary they love me...appearantly. thr reason I don' have a girlfriend is because I do not actively seek one. I have watched as numerous relationships have crumbled and exploded around me. I the have observed the pain those around went through and the drama OH the drama. The more I watched the more I learned. I learned that relationships formed out of impulse explode. Relationships formed out of aquaintences have a 50% chance of failure. Relationships that are concieved by one party are schemes nothing more.

To form a lasting relationship is a difficult thing to those who are inexpirienced. Those dating books and other related items are mostly ineffective. you must build your own strategies. take your time in deciding such matters as haste can ruin you. Excessive delay can also bring about the destruction of your plans.

Patience is key when looking for a mate. Aggressiveness is alos key. Balance is what you seek. Just give it time.

This is all I can give based the information provided. If you have further questions I will do my best to provide answers.

Twice the anger, Half the space!
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