Feeling lonely and helpless
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26-05-2016, 09:03 AM
Feeling lonely and helpless
Hi guys.

I feel pretty scared about starting a thread, but I'll give it a go.

I feel really lonely.
I only work 9 hours per week due to bad depression. This means I'm alone a lot while everyone else is at work.
This stupid disease also means I have very few friends left. I've been too sick to be social for a long time.
I have the most amazing boyfriend, but he works long hours. Every Friday he goes out with his friends and he needs me to not come along, because I often need to go home early and he'd have to take me home (dangerous to walk home alone at night in this central part out town and taxis are incredibly expensive here). Stupid disease. That also means he's too tired on Saturdays to do anything with friends along with me.
I only have one friend left who's close enough that I feel comfortable hanging out with her alone. But she's very busy and has a lot of friends, so I rarely get to hang out with her. The rest of my friends are more distant friends, from before I had to quit the university, who I see in group settings once in a while along with my boyfriend, but I can't really hang out with them alone.
Anyway, they're all working during the daytime anyway.

I don't really know what to do. I could really use some friends, but I'm also scared of not not being strong enough to maintain friendships.
This forum seems like such a nice place, but I'm scared of bothering people by "intruding". My selfesteem needs some rebuilding.

Anyway. Not sure what I'm hoping to achieve with this thread. I just felt really sad and alone and didn't know what to do.

Cry for help I guess. Hope it made any sense.

Thanks for listening.

(PS: I'm getting loads of medicine and have one of the best psychiatrists in the country on my case. Thankyou wellfare state! So I'm being taken care of medically.)
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26-05-2016, 09:05 AM (This post was last modified: 26-05-2016 09:14 AM by DLJ.)
RE: Feeling lonely and helpless
Hug

I have a question: What are the three main things you miss out on by not having a wide circle of, or a small group of close, friends?

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26-05-2016, 09:29 AM
RE: Feeling lonely and helpless
(26-05-2016 09:05 AM)DLJ Wrote:  Hug

I have a question: What are the three main things you miss out on by not having a wide circle of, or a small group of, close friends?

I miss out on social interaction. Just chatting. Having fun. I love being around people when my brain isn't shutting me down.
And I miss out on the more intimate, less superficial, talks you have when you're just a few people together rather than a big party.
I do have it with my boyfriend. But this disease has been draining on him too. And after a long days work he's very tired. So it's limited. He can't babysit me all the time to make up for my lack of other friends.
And mostly I miss out on being normal. I am finally starting to break out of the depression. I've been hospitalized, I've had a lot of electroconvulsive therapy and a lot of strong medication to get me to the state I'm in today. I've had this disease since I was a little girl. So I just want to stop being defined by this stupid disease. It's robbed me of so much of my life. I desperately want to finally have a normal, healthy life. As far as possible.
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26-05-2016, 09:31 AM
RE: Feeling lonely and helpless
Can you volunteer? Like at an animal shelter or a library?

What interests do you have? Hobbies?

Can you go outside and walk/jog/bike?

Online gaming, like xbox/playstation? Using the headset/mics you can have conversations with friends.

Help for the living. Hope for the dead. ~ R.G. Ingersoll

Freedom offers opportunity. Opportunity confers responsibility. Responsibility to use the freedom we enjoy wisely, honestly and humanely. ~ Noam Chomsky
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26-05-2016, 09:38 AM
RE: Feeling lonely and helpless
Any chance you could start doing work at home? Starting out small at first, then doing more?

Help for the living. Hope for the dead. ~ R.G. Ingersoll

Freedom offers opportunity. Opportunity confers responsibility. Responsibility to use the freedom we enjoy wisely, honestly and humanely. ~ Noam Chomsky
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26-05-2016, 09:43 AM
RE: Feeling lonely and helpless
(26-05-2016 09:03 AM)LadyDay Wrote:  Hi guys.

I feel pretty scared about starting a thread, but I'll give it a go.

I feel really lonely.
I only work 9 hours per week due to bad depression. This means I'm alone a lot while everyone else is at work.
This stupid disease also means I have very few friends left. I've been too sick to be social for a long time.
I have the most amazing boyfriend, but he works long hours. Every Friday he goes out with his friends and he needs me to not come along, because I often need to go home early and he'd have to take me home (dangerous to walk home alone at night in this central part out town and taxis are incredibly expensive here). Stupid disease. That also means he's too tired on Saturdays to do anything with friends along with me.
I only have one friend left who's close enough that I feel comfortable hanging out with her alone. But she's very busy and has a lot of friends, so I rarely get to hang out with her. The rest of my friends are more distant friends, from before I had to quit the university, who I see in group settings once in a while along with my boyfriend, but I can't really hang out with them alone.
Anyway, they're all working during the daytime anyway.

I don't really know what to do. I could really use some friends, but I'm also scared of not not being strong enough to maintain friendships.
This forum seems like such a nice place, but I'm scared of bothering people by "intruding". My selfesteem needs some rebuilding.

Anyway. Not sure what I'm hoping to achieve with this thread. I just felt really sad and alone and didn't know what to do.

Cry for help I guess. Hope it made any sense.

Thanks for listening.

(PS: I'm getting loads of medicine and have one of the best psychiatrists in the country on my case. Thankyou wellfare state! So I'm being taken care of medically.)

I have depression and anxiety issues too. My longest job ended 2 years ago after 7 years. My older sister can't hold a job either for the same reasons.

I suck at everything. I don't mean that I put myself down, I simply don't process information the same way as others, and have never been good at multi tasking. I have learned lots of overall concepts, and do better learning without pressure of a teacher or boss, but even then I am very slow to learn and most jobs require you to pick things up quickly.

I don't have a job now myself, I am lucky enough to have a mom who has enough for both of us without draining her. Plus, her paying a professional would cost her far more for the help I give her. Unfortunately most people don't. I do however find that the things I am good at, while I don't get paid for, act as my therapy.

I write write poetry, over 700 over a 20 year period, most of it in the past 10 year and mostly about the value of science and skepticism. I spend most of my time advocating for skepticism and science and workers rights.

I don't run everything myself, but if I could, you'd have that support you need. I hate dicks who think "fuck you I got mine" and "it's all in your head" are acts of compassion.

Mental illness is far too stigmatized and with our "fuck he poor" 1% assholes in charge, it doesn't help people like you. But, you still have here and trust us, you really are NOT alone.

Poetry by Brian37(poems by an atheist) Also on Facebook as BrianJames Rational Poet and Twitter Brianrrs37
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26-05-2016, 09:49 AM
RE: Feeling lonely and helpless
(26-05-2016 09:31 AM)Fatbaldhobbit Wrote:  Can you volunteer? Like at an animal shelter or a library?

What interests do you have? Hobbies?

Can you go outside and walk/jog/bike?

Online gaming, like xbox/playstation? Using the headset/mics you can have conversations with friends.

I have very little ability to work. Like volunteering. All the energy I have goes into working as much as possible in a special sheltered job. I have to do as many hours I can doing that, otherwise I'd loose the financial support given to people with handicaps.

I have some hobbies Smile I draw. Whenever I have the energy. And I keep snakes and aquarium. Animals are my passion. Especially reptiles.
And I love science (I studied astrophysics until I had to give up normal work)! And I play computergames (Skyrim and Sims mainly). Though not any online, social games. I don't really know other people who play computergames. I also do genealogy. And I've just started attempting to learn German (shitty, difficult language Rolleyes ). I plan on taking some classes sometime.
And then I'm a hobby atheist ofcourse Big Grin I listen to podcasts, read books, watch youtube videos etc. I grew up in a very religious family and closed religious community, so I'm still recovering.
Basically, I have a lot I like to do when I can pick myself up enough to do anything other than watching TV and bothering people on forums. Big Grin

I go for walks a lot. Good way to think. Smile

I am realizing that I write novel-lengths posts when given the chance to talk. Facepalm Bare with me guys!
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26-05-2016, 09:51 AM
RE: Feeling lonely and helpless
(26-05-2016 09:38 AM)Fatbaldhobbit Wrote:  Any chance you could start doing work at home? Starting out small at first, then doing more?

I'm finally fit enough to do my share of the housework Big Grin Great achievement! Takes a load of my poor man!
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26-05-2016, 09:59 AM
RE: Feeling lonely and helpless
(26-05-2016 09:29 AM)LadyDay Wrote:  ...
I miss out on social interaction. Just chatting. Having fun. I love being around people when my brain isn't shutting me down.
...

How long can you go for before the shutting down happens?
Does the social interaction have to be with people you know or can it be with random people / groups of people.

I've joined a meetup (philosophy society). It's only a few hours every couple of weeks or so. 2 hours discussion on a given topic and an hour or two after at a coffee shop of small talk and such.

As an extreme introvert, I find it tiring but also necessary.

These are not people with whom I have a close connection but I'm not after that. If that is what you need, I think it would be possible to bond a little more with some of these people (I choose not to... personal preference).

(26-05-2016 09:29 AM)LadyDay Wrote:  ...
And I miss out on the more intimate, less superficial, talks you have when you're just a few people together rather than a big party.
...

I can relate to this too. I can only do this in short bursts before it tires me out.

My major outlet for this (other than listening to gfs and giving relationship advice) is here on TTA. They're not a bad bunch, generally speaking. Big Grin

(26-05-2016 09:29 AM)LadyDay Wrote:  ...
I desperately want to finally have a normal, healthy life. As far as possible.

Yeah, well... one thing I've learned in 50 years ... there's no such thing as normal.

... and if there is, it's probably quite boring.

Embrace abnormal ... that's what I say.

Wink

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26-05-2016, 10:05 AM
RE: Feeling lonely and helpless
(26-05-2016 09:43 AM)Brian37 Wrote:  I have depression and anxiety issues too. My longest job ended 2 years ago after 7 years. My older sister can't hold a job either for the same reasons.

I suck at everything. I don't mean that I put myself down, I simply don't process information the same way as others, and have never been good at multi tasking. I have learned lots of overall concepts, and do better learning without pressure of a teacher or boss, but even then I am very slow to learn and most jobs require you to pick things up quickly.

I don't have a job now myself, I am lucky enough to have a mom who has enough for both of us without draining her. Plus, her paying a professional would cost her far more for the help I give her. Unfortunately most people don't. I do however find that the things I am good at, while I don't get paid for, act as my therapy.

I write write poetry, over 700 over a 20 year period, most of it in the past 10 year and mostly about the value of science and skepticism. I spend most of my time advocating for skepticism and science and workers rights.

I don't run everything myself, but if I could, you'd have that support you need. I hate dicks who think "fuck you I got mine" and "it's all in your head" are acts of compassion.

Mental illness is far too stigmatized and with our "fuck he poor" 1% assholes in charge, it doesn't help people like you. But, you still have here and trust us, you really are NOT alone.

I can relate to so much you say! Especially feeling like your brain is just wired differently. It's really hard to concentrate and to remember anything.

I'm glad you're doing well! I know it can be a struggle to be sick in the US! I am fortunate enough to live in a great country when it comes to healthcare. Great support from the state. However it's still hard for people to understand mental illness. It's hard to explain what it's like to have depression and anxiety, so people think it's just a case of being sad a lot. It's not. And it's not possible to just "cheer up and get it together".
It's nice to know I'm not the only depressed atheist around. Big Grin
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