Feeling lonely and helpless
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26-05-2016, 10:25 AM
RE: Feeling lonely and helpless
(26-05-2016 09:59 AM)DLJ Wrote:  How long can you go for before the shutting down happens?
Does the social interaction have to be with people you know or can it be with random people / groups of people.

I've joined a meetup (philosophy society). It's only a few hours every couple of weeks or so. 2 hours discussion on a given topic and an hour or two after at a coffee shop of small talk and such.

As an extreme introvert, I find it tiring but also necessary.

These are not people with whom I have a close connection but I'm not after that. If that is what you need, I think it would be possible to bond a little more with some of these people (I choose not to... personal preference).

It depends a lot. Sometimes I can handle a whole evening, other times I can handle a few hours. And I can't manage it more than once a week generally.
Good idea to join a meet-up like that! It would be tiring, but probably also good for me to have a fixed-social-something once a week or such. I'll see if I can find something. Maybe the danish atheist society has something locally. That could be fun!

(26-05-2016 09:59 AM)DLJ Wrote:  
(26-05-2016 09:29 AM)LadyDay Wrote:  ...
And I miss out on the more intimate, less superficial, talks you have when you're just a few people together rather than a big party.
...

I can relate to this too. I can only do this in short bursts before it tires me out.

My major outlet for this (other than listening to gfs and giving relationship advice) is here on TTA. They're not a bad bunch, generally speaking. Big Grin

Me too! And it's hard to find ways to get closeness, but with an option to call it a day when you've had enough.

I would really like to make some friends on this forum. Smile Everybody seem so nice. I have Banjo. But the poor man would probably wouldn't mind sharing the burden of me. Laugh out load

(26-05-2016 09:59 AM)DLJ Wrote:  Yeah, well... one thing I've learned in 50 years ... there's no such thing as normal.

... and if there is, it's probably quite boring.

Embrace abnormal ... that's what I say.

Wink

Agreed! Smile
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26-05-2016, 10:27 AM
RE: Feeling lonely and helpless
You guys are nice! Blush
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26-05-2016, 10:32 AM
RE: Feeling lonely and helpless
The friend-making process is different as an adult. Takes longer, is more fragile. Grownups are more cautious than kids and have more commitments. It will probably take time and energy to find others with similar schedules and interests, and it's not a certain outcome by any means, but maybe think about what the consequences of taking a chance could be. At worst, you've spent some energy and not found friends--but you've still tried, that's worthwhile. At best, you'll have new friends.

Volunteering, going to a daytime exercise class, finding a coffee shop and going there at the same time every day, or even starting your own meet-up group are all ways you might meet people. Or invite your friends over for games or movies? If it's outside of your energy levels at this time, nothing wrong with getting your stamina back first.

In the meantime, online communities are great places for a feeling of connection. I used to be surprised when someone I look up to online--someone funny, smart, charming, seemingly completely together--said they felt alone or friendless in their everyday life. But that has happened so often that I realize that it's just about as normal as people with a big circle of friends.

(I also don't understand why your boyfriend has to spend every Friday night with his friends or why he always stays out so late that he's completely incapacitated the next day. A couple of Fridays, understandable. Every Friday isn't, IMO.)
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26-05-2016, 11:01 AM
RE: Feeling lonely and helpless
DLJ brought it to my attention that I am an introvert also. I went through life thinking I was extrovert but tired easily. Thinking about myself as introvert and reading up about it made lots of things fall into place. I was like: "oh, so that's it", and I feel a lot more relaxed about it all since.

As introvert, one doesn't like large groups of people or parties - they become tiring very quickly.

One does like good conversations with one or more close people - for an hour or two at a time.

Where other people recharge their energy by being with others, introverts recharge by being alone.

Being introvert does not mean one is shy or timid, but one does have a low tolerance level for stupid or drama or pointless babble.

It sounds like this may be a part of your personality, too.

Maybe there is a zoo near where you live and you can volunteer for the reptile dept.? Maybe you can check out all the online job sites where you can do one job at a time at home on your computer? And yes, those meet up groups are a good option, although I have not yet joined one. I may in the future.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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26-05-2016, 11:03 AM
RE: Feeling lonely and helpless
(26-05-2016 10:32 AM)julep Wrote:  The friend-making process is different as an adult. Takes longer, is more fragile. Grownups are more cautious than kids and have more commitments. It will probably take time and energy to find others with similar schedules and interests, and it's not a certain outcome by any means, but maybe think about what the consequences of taking a chance could be. At worst, you've spent some energy and not found friends--but you've still tried, that's worthwhile. At best, you'll have new friends.

Volunteering, going to a daytime exercise class, finding a coffee shop and going there at the same time every day, or even starting your own meet-up group are all ways you might meet people. Or invite your friends over for games or movies? If it's outside of your energy levels at this time, nothing wrong with getting your stamina back first.

In the meantime, online communities are great places for a feeling of connection. I used to be surprised when someone I look up to online--someone funny, smart, charming, seemingly completely together--said they felt alone or friendless in their everyday life. But that has happened so often that I realize that it's just about as normal as people with a big circle of friends.

(I also don't understand why your boyfriend has to spend every Friday night with his friends or why he always stays out so late that he's completely incapacitated the next day. A couple of Fridays, understandable. Every Friday isn't, IMO.)

Exactly! It was a bit easier to make friends back when "Wanna play?" was enough. I somehow think it might be misunderstood if I go around asking adults if they want to play with me. Laugh out load
I'll try to see if I can find some sort of community, maybe a local atheist group, around here. Smile
Untill then, you guys are stuck with me! Big Grin It feels a lot easier to talk with people online.

(I don't feel like I have the right to make demands of boyfriend. I feel so lucky to have him. I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for him caring for me. But I might start insisting on tagging along once in a while if I can find the courage. Even if it means he has to walk me home when I get too much.)
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26-05-2016, 11:08 AM
RE: Feeling lonely and helpless
(26-05-2016 11:01 AM)Dom Wrote:  DLJ brought it to my attention that I am an introvert also. I went through life thinking I was extrovert but tired easily. Thinking about myself as introvert and reading up about it made lots of things fall into place. I was like: "oh, so that's it", and I feel a lot more relaxed about it all since.

As introvert, one doesn't like large groups of people or parties - they become tiring very quickly.

One does like good conversations with one or more close people - for an hour or two at a time.

Where other people recharge their energy by being with others, introverts recharge by being alone.

Being introvert does not mean one is shy or timid, but one does have a low tolerance level for stupid or drama or pointless babble.

It sounds like this may be a part of your personality, too.

Maybe there is a zoo near where you live and you can volunteer for the reptile dept.? Maybe you can check out all the online job sites where you can do one job at a time at home on your computer? And yes, those meet up groups are a good option, although I have not yet joined one. I may in the future.

Exactly! DLJ is an insightful guy! I feel like I can recognize myself in basically all of that description! It's good to hear there's nothing wrong with me for being like this! I can, however, like today, be too alone and need someone to chat to. You guys are being a great help! You all got me smiling again! Smile
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26-05-2016, 11:59 AM
RE: Feeling lonely and helpless
Don't worry about starting a thread here in support. That is what it is here for and a very nice place to let it all out. A very nice place with some fine people who do care.
Hug
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26-05-2016, 12:01 PM
RE: Feeling lonely and helpless
(26-05-2016 11:59 AM)skyking Wrote:  Don't worry about starting a thread here in support. That is what it is here for and a very nice place to let it all out. A very nice place with some fine people who do care.
Hug

It's already made my day a lot better Smile
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26-05-2016, 12:13 PM
RE: Feeling lonely and helpless
(26-05-2016 09:03 AM)LadyDay Wrote:  Hi guys.

I feel pretty scared about starting a thread, but I'll give it a go.

I feel really lonely.

Hug You're not alone.

(26-05-2016 09:03 AM)LadyDay Wrote:  I don't really know what to do. I could really use some friends, but I'm also scared of not not being strong enough to maintain friendships.
This forum seems like such a nice place, but I'm scared of bothering people by "intruding". My selfesteem needs some rebuilding.

Friendships shouldn't really maintained... I think that if it requires all of this effort, it's not a friendship, it's a business relationship lol Usually what I look for is people I can be honest with, also brutally honest. I mean the kind of friendship where you say "hey, stop being dumb/stop doing dumb shit" Tongue ahah I was discussing about this with someday just today: I like friendships where you can be frank in a reasonable way, because maybe there's going to be some friction in the short term, but it's going to be awesome in the long term. Good luck finding friends! Big Grin Also, you're not intruding at all here, you're among friends.

(26-05-2016 09:03 AM)LadyDay Wrote:  Anyway. Not sure what I'm hoping to achieve with this thread. I just felt really sad and alone and didn't know what to do.

Cry for help I guess. Hope it made any sense.

Thanks for listening.

It's hard to ask for help when you're alone, on one hand you want to do it, on the other you don't want to seem desperate. I know. But you've come to the right place, this is the perfect place for others to listen to you. Hope you enjoy your stay and decide to stick around.

孤独 - The Out Crowd
Life is a flash of light between two eternities of darkness.
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26-05-2016, 12:28 PM
RE: Feeling lonely and helpless
(26-05-2016 12:13 PM)The Polyglot Atheist Wrote:  Friendships shouldn't really maintained... I think that if it requires all of this effort, it's not a friendship, it's a business relationship lol

That's very wise! I'll try to keep that in mind. The real friends are the few who have stuck around even though I "haven't done my part". The ones who understand and were there with open arms when I was able to come back.

(26-05-2016 12:13 PM)The Polyglot Atheist Wrote:  It's hard to ask for help when you're alone, on one hand you want to do it, on the other you don't want to seem desperate. I know. But you've come to the right place, this is the perfect place for others to listen to you. Hope you enjoy your stay and decide to stick around.

Thankyou Smile
I will do my best to stick around. And I feel confident that even if I disappear (again actually. I've been away for a while) I'll be allowed back anytime Smile
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