Fiance's overreaction to my new found atheism/agnosticism
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22-07-2013, 09:52 AM
Fiance's overreaction to my new found atheism/agnosticism
I recently decided to turn away from Christianity and become an atheist. I was raised in a Southern Baptist church and most of my family with the exception of my brother (an atheist) are Fundamentalist Christians. I have been struggling with questions about why do we believe in a God and what the bible says for the past six months. So I decided to read the bible more and learn more about biblical history as well as the history of the world. My thirst for knowledge was not quenched. Even after praying, "supplementing myself unto God", and "seeking ye first the kingdom of God" I found and felt nothing. I no longer found a reason to believe in a God as my search for proof of my what's and why's turned up empty. I found so many contradictions and lies in the Bible that it drove me away. Even the concept of Hell is absolutely absurd to me now.

I recently came out to my fiance after six months of pondering about my atheism and the reasons why I turned to irreligion. Now me and my fiance have been together for three years and she has two kids from a previous marriage. She was also raised in a Southern Baptist, Christian household and considered herself a woman of God. Not even a minute into the discussion with her she says "I can't be with someone who doesn't believe in God". She then said "I would have rather you told me you slept with someone else". This made my heart drop...I mean how can someone be so intolerant? Someone I thought would understand a little better or act more "Christ like". Even I wouldn't have reacted like that. I knew I dropped the bombshell and that there would be some sort of negative reaction to me coming out as an atheist but seriously...it kinda broke my heart.

The next day I tried to talk with her more and give her my reasons why I believe what I believed and to no avail. She is overreacting and get emotionally distraught whenever we talk about me not going to church with them anymore. It's actually quite childish. After 3+ years of being together all she can say is "I need someone who is a Christian for me and the boys". After all I have do for her and those kids I am still being ostracized by her. It seems like I can't talk to her anymore and she has completely put this wall of ignorance up. I was met with negativity and anger and she was kind of remorseful for meeting me as she implied that she was with me because I was a Christian. I thought we were together because of LOVE! So I basically am in a dilemma because I feel that she wants to leave me. What does my non-belief in "God" have to do with us loving each other? What does "God" have to do with me being a great stepfather (which I am)? This is so crazy...
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22-07-2013, 09:55 AM
RE: Fiance's overreaction to my new found atheism/agnosticism
Space and time may be the only things that give your relationship a fighting chance. If she comes back to the relationship thinking she can change you (or you her), then I'd call that a necessary deal-breaker as that is a bad foundation to build (or keep building) on.

In the meantime, there are communities out there full of people to talk to. You are not alone.

“Science is simply common sense at its best, that is, rigidly accurate in observation, and merciless to fallacy in logic.”
—Thomas Henry Huxley
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22-07-2013, 10:13 AM
RE: Fiance's overreaction to my new found atheism/agnosticism
What a bitch...

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22-07-2013, 10:19 AM
RE: Fiance's overreaction to my new found atheism/agnosticism
To be fair, it is not necessarily because she is being a bitch. Fear is a funny thing.

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22-07-2013, 10:19 AM
RE: Fiance's overreaction to my new found atheism/agnosticism
(22-07-2013 09:52 AM)CCrosby Wrote:  I recently decided to turn away from Christianity and become an atheist. I was raised in a Southern Baptist church and most of my family with the exception of my brother (an atheist) are Fundamentalist Christians. I have been struggling with questions about why do we believe in a God and what the bible says for the past six months. So I decided to read the bible more and learn more about biblical history as well as the history of the world. My thirst for knowledge was not quenched. Even after praying, "supplementing myself unto God", and "seeking ye first the kingdom of God" I found and felt nothing. I no longer found a reason to believe in a God as my search for proof of my what's and why's turned up empty. I found so many contradictions and lies in the Bible that it drove me away. Even the concept of Hell is absolutely absurd to me now.

I recently came out to my fiance after six months of pondering about my atheism and the reasons why I turned to irreligion. Now me and my fiance have been together for three years and she has two kids from a previous marriage. She was also raised in a Southern Baptist, Christian household and considered herself a woman of God. Not even a minute into the discussion with her she says "I can't be with someone who doesn't believe in God". She then said "I would have rather you told me you slept with someone else". This made my heart drop...I mean how can someone be so intolerant? Someone I thought would understand a little better or act more "Christ like". Even I wouldn't have reacted like that. I knew I dropped the bombshell and that there would be some sort of negative reaction to me coming out as an atheist but seriously...it kinda broke my heart.

The next day I tried to talk with her more and give her my reasons why I believe what I believed and to no avail. She is overreacting and get emotionally distraught whenever we talk about me not going to church with them anymore. It's actually quite childish. After 3+ years of being together all she can say is "I need someone who is a Christian for me and the boys". After all I have do for her and those kids I am still being ostracized by her. It seems like I can't talk to her anymore and she has completely put this wall of ignorance up. I was met with negativity and anger and she was kind of remorseful for meeting me as she implied that she was with me because I was a Christian. I thought we were together because of LOVE! So I basically am in a dilemma because I feel that she wants to leave me. What does my non-belief in "God" have to do with us loving each other? What does "God" have to do with me being a great stepfather (which I am)? This is so crazy...

I am sorry to hear this. However:
  • Better now than after you married.
  • You have found that you take a back seat to God.

Let go, walk away, and give it time. Let her return if she will.

Get on with your new life.

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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22-07-2013, 10:41 AM
RE: Fiance's overreaction to my new found atheism/agnosticism
(22-07-2013 10:19 AM)Chas Wrote:  
(22-07-2013 09:52 AM)CCrosby Wrote:  I recently decided to turn away from Christianity and become an atheist. I was raised in a Southern Baptist church and most of my family with the exception of my brother (an atheist) are Fundamentalist Christians. I have been struggling with questions about why do we believe in a God and what the bible says for the past six months. So I decided to read the bible more and learn more about biblical history as well as the history of the world. My thirst for knowledge was not quenched. Even after praying, "supplementing myself unto God", and "seeking ye first the kingdom of God" I found and felt nothing. I no longer found a reason to believe in a God as my search for proof of my what's and why's turned up empty. I found so many contradictions and lies in the Bible that it drove me away. Even the concept of Hell is absolutely absurd to me now.

I recently came out to my fiance after six months of pondering about my atheism and the reasons why I turned to irreligion. Now me and my fiance have been together for three years and she has two kids from a previous marriage. She was also raised in a Southern Baptist, Christian household and considered herself a woman of God. Not even a minute into the discussion with her she says "I can't be with someone who doesn't believe in God". She then said "I would have rather you told me you slept with someone else". This made my heart drop...I mean how can someone be so intolerant? Someone I thought would understand a little better or act more "Christ like". Even I wouldn't have reacted like that. I knew I dropped the bombshell and that there would be some sort of negative reaction to me coming out as an atheist but seriously...it kinda broke my heart.

The next day I tried to talk with her more and give her my reasons why I believe what I believed and to no avail. She is overreacting and get emotionally distraught whenever we talk about me not going to church with them anymore. It's actually quite childish. After 3+ years of being together all she can say is "I need someone who is a Christian for me and the boys". After all I have do for her and those kids I am still being ostracized by her. It seems like I can't talk to her anymore and she has completely put this wall of ignorance up. I was met with negativity and anger and she was kind of remorseful for meeting me as she implied that she was with me because I was a Christian. I thought we were together because of LOVE! So I basically am in a dilemma because I feel that she wants to leave me. What does my non-belief in "God" have to do with us loving each other? What does "God" have to do with me being a great stepfather (which I am)? This is so crazy...

I am sorry to hear this. However:
  • Better now than after you married.
  • You have found that you take a back seat to God.

Let go, walk away, and give it time. Let her return if she will.

Get on with your new life.

I agree with you in a situation like this. It is unlikely that relationship would last. I recently told my gf about my atheism, and surprisingly it didn't seem to bother her at all.

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22-07-2013, 02:36 PM
RE: Fiance's overreaction to my new found atheism/agnosticism
Wow it seems like I am with the most intolerant, stubborn and arrogant woman ever. I knew this would be a huge 180 for her but DAMN I Didn't expect this gross of a reaction. It's not like im sending her links to atheist sites or YouTube videos to watch or anything I was really soft and conservative with everything. Yet she still gets pissed like I am attacking her personally when I am not. I can't even have a normal discussion with her without her bringing up the negatives. Why can't we just live and love? We all coexist with other cultures in this world. She cant live in a house with someone with a different world view that doesn't just give the finger to everyone else who isn't a Christian? I know her inside and out but I don't feel she knows me at all nor has the desire to. I really don't want her to leave nor do I, but I think its coming closer and closer to that. Or maybe time is on my side because im starting to feel numb...
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22-07-2013, 02:54 PM
RE: Fiance's overreaction to my new found atheism/agnosticism
I'm sorry for you and for her (tho she won't see that). Her friends and family will piously stand and say how right she was. She tried to emotionally blackmail you into hiding your atheism.

It's sad. But it's best you find out -- sure you can live your life hiding your true beliefs (or lack of belief) from her -- many of us do. But you also have a chance to not hide and find that she will accept you or not. If not -- hopefully you'll find someone else more worthy of you.


God is a concept by which we measure our pain -- John Lennon

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22-07-2013, 04:45 PM
RE: Fiance's overreaction to my new found atheism/agnosticism
Quote:"I would have rather you told me you slept with someone else"

Sounds like a free pass to sleep with someone else to me.

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22-07-2013, 05:10 PM
RE: Fiance's overreaction to my new found atheism/agnosticism
Sorry to hear, hope she will come around. Good men are not easy to find.

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