Fiance's overreaction to my new found atheism/agnosticism
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
22-07-2013, 06:08 PM
RE: Fiance's overreaction to my new found atheism/agnosticism
Time will tell. To hear something like that can be a massive shock. Suddenly she's faced with all of the stereotypes that she has of atheists, and can't see you through that mess. Suddenly she's forced to question her perfect vision of a christian couple raising children and growing old together only to meet again in heaven later on. She's forced to deal perhaps for the first time with the idea that a good person she loves is going to be sent to eternal torture by her "good" god. I can't tell you whether things will work out, and from what you're saying it's likely things won't... but I would suggest trying not to read an initial emotional reaction as a fully reasoned and final response.

If you care for her my suggestion would be to keep things normal. Don't bring it up again for a while. Answer any questions she asks directly and honestly. She'll come to her reasoned conclusion in her own time. If you can't wait for that then you can tell her so and leave things at that.

Give me your argument in the form of a published paper, and then we can start to talk.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
22-07-2013, 08:02 PM
RE: Fiance's overreaction to my new found atheism/agnosticism
I am an ex-Catholic that lost his religion a year into his marriage with another Catholic. We were dating for 5 years prior to our marriage. When I came out, it was one of the scariest moments of my life. Yes, I received a big backlash as expected. But my wife didn't go as far as to say she would rather have heard that I cheated. She was very upset over the fact that we got married in a church and made vows while in God's house. I was able to reason with her by telling her that even though I was still a believer during my vows, God never had anything to do with it. All of what I promised came from my heart and honor as her husband.

We didn't talk much for a couple weeks. Things were awkward for months after that. Then we got along like normal and even got to the point where she didn't mind me discussing non-belief with my sisters. Now, we are having marital problems that have absolutely nothing to do with religion. Funny aye? If it's not one thing, it's the other.

So what's my point? Our marriage survived the religion topic only to end up with a very uncertain future for very normal reasons. Your situation is worse than mine was. If she can't even handle a change in your world-view, then I doubt she's the type that can weather other storms. I say move on. I'm not saying go date other women right away, though there would be nothing wrong with it... but separate from each other and see if she misses you and is willing to work things out.

/2cents

“We are all connected; To each other, biologically. To the earth, chemically. To the rest of the universe atomically.”

-Neil deGrasse Tyson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
22-07-2013, 09:03 PM
RE: Fiance's overreaction to my new found atheism/agnosticism
(22-07-2013 05:10 PM)cjs Wrote:  Sorry to hear, hope she will come around. Good men are not easy to find.

Actually, we're very easy to find.

Apparently, we're also easy to overlook. Dodgy

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
[Image: flagstiny%206.gif]
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 6 users Like Chas's post
22-07-2013, 09:06 PM
RE: Fiance's overreaction to my new found atheism/agnosticism
This is why it doesn't really work to date a christian when you're an atheist.

Its just too extreme a difference. You are better off just walking away.

Do you really want to be with someone who thinks that way of you, or people like you?
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Hobbitgirl's post
22-07-2013, 09:14 PM
RE: Fiance's overreaction to my new found atheism/agnosticism
(22-07-2013 09:06 PM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  This is why it doesn't really work to date a christian when you're an atheist.

Its just too extreme a difference. You are better off just walking away.

Do you really want to be with someone who thinks that way of you, or people like you?

Dating is one matter, any long term relationship is a different story. By all means, my wife and I worked out the religion thing. Our marriage is on the rocks for other reasons.

My whole point is, religion is the smallest of issues. If a couple can't work that out, it's unlikely they will be able to overcome bigger issues.

But that is the problem with people that are either overtly religious or overtly Atheist. They can't look past this one small issue. To some of you guys, it might be a HUGE deal. To me, it pails in comparison to the shit I'm going through right now or other marital problems I have heard about.

“We are all connected; To each other, biologically. To the earth, chemically. To the rest of the universe atomically.”

-Neil deGrasse Tyson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
22-07-2013, 09:18 PM
RE: Fiance's overreaction to my new found atheism/agnosticism
(22-07-2013 09:14 PM)NoahsFarce Wrote:  
(22-07-2013 09:06 PM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  This is why it doesn't really work to date a christian when you're an atheist.

Its just too extreme a difference. You are better off just walking away.

Do you really want to be with someone who thinks that way of you, or people like you?

Dating is one matter, any long term relationship is a different story. By all means, my wife and I worked out the religion thing. Our marriage is on the rocks for other reasons.

My whole point is, religion is the smallest of issues. If a couple can't work that out, it's unlikely they will be able to overcome bigger issues.

But that is the problem with people that are either overtly religious or overtly Atheist. They can't look past this one small issue. To some of you guys, it might be a HUGE deal. To me, it pails in comparison to the shit I'm going through right now or other marital problems I have heard about.

Having dated christians I would never waste my time on that road again.

The arguing, the debating, being told I'd "corrupt" our children? You kidding me?

Lying here is a -fundamental- difference in life view. It colours how you view the world and how you respond to it. You can pretend it doesnt matter, but that only can last so long. It will eventually bite you in the ass.

I'm with another Atheist now, and I've never been more happy. This is by far the superior choice.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Hobbitgirl's post
22-07-2013, 09:24 PM
RE: Fiance's overreaction to my new found atheism/agnosticism
(22-07-2013 09:18 PM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  
(22-07-2013 09:14 PM)NoahsFarce Wrote:  Dating is one matter, any long term relationship is a different story. By all means, my wife and I worked out the religion thing. Our marriage is on the rocks for other reasons.

My whole point is, religion is the smallest of issues. If a couple can't work that out, it's unlikely they will be able to overcome bigger issues.

But that is the problem with people that are either overtly religious or overtly Atheist. They can't look past this one small issue. To some of you guys, it might be a HUGE deal. To me, it pails in comparison to the shit I'm going through right now or other marital problems I have heard about.

Having dated christians I would never waste my time on that road again.

The arguing, the debating, being told I'd "corrupt" our children? You kidding me?

Lying here is a -fundamental- difference in life view. It colours how you view the world and how you respond to it. You can pretend it doesnt matter, but that only can last so long. It will eventually bite you in the ass.

I'm with another Atheist now, and I've never been more happy. This is by far the superior choice.

Well, to be fair, you're talking about the devout. I already said the devout are going to be a problem. But on the that token, a comparable level of Atheism does the same. You're absolutely right though, why not date another Atheist if you're on the market? My main point is, it's a different story when you were religious and you got into a long-term relationship with another religious mate. Then one of you loses that religion. I think it would be wrong not to try and work things out.

If I become single after all is said and done, then yea... I absolutely will gravitate towards another non-believer. But if I meet an amazing woman that believes, but accepts me as I am, I'm not going to shut her out just based on the fact that she's religious. That makes me no better than the devout.

“We are all connected; To each other, biologically. To the earth, chemically. To the rest of the universe atomically.”

-Neil deGrasse Tyson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes NoahsFarce's post
22-07-2013, 09:26 PM
RE: Fiance's overreaction to my new found atheism/agnosticism
(22-07-2013 09:24 PM)NoahsFarce Wrote:  
(22-07-2013 09:18 PM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  Having dated christians I would never waste my time on that road again.

The arguing, the debating, being told I'd "corrupt" our children? You kidding me?

Lying here is a -fundamental- difference in life view. It colours how you view the world and how you respond to it. You can pretend it doesnt matter, but that only can last so long. It will eventually bite you in the ass.

I'm with another Atheist now, and I've never been more happy. This is by far the superior choice.

Well, to be fair, you're talking about the devout. I already said the devout are going to be a problem. But on the that token, a comparable level of Atheism does the same. You're absolutely right though, why not date another Atheist if you're on the market? My main point is, it's a different story when you were religious and you got into a long-term relationship with another religious mate. Then one of you loses that religion. I think it would be wrong not to try and work things out.

If I become single after all is said and done, then yea... I absolutely will gravitate towards another non-believer. But if I meet an amazing woman that believes, but accepts me as I am, I'm not going to shut her out just based on the fact that she's religious. That makes me no better than the devout.

Guess I'm a terrible person then.

Because I think that someone being religious says a lot about the type of person they are...and I would avoid that. I'm not someone to waste my time on something I don't want. Not anymore.

To each their own.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Hobbitgirl's post
22-07-2013, 09:32 PM
RE: Fiance's overreaction to my new found atheism/agnosticism
(22-07-2013 09:26 PM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  
(22-07-2013 09:24 PM)NoahsFarce Wrote:  Well, to be fair, you're talking about the devout. I already said the devout are going to be a problem. But on the that token, a comparable level of Atheism does the same. You're absolutely right though, why not date another Atheist if you're on the market? My main point is, it's a different story when you were religious and you got into a long-term relationship with another religious mate. Then one of you loses that religion. I think it would be wrong not to try and work things out.

If I become single after all is said and done, then yea... I absolutely will gravitate towards another non-believer. But if I meet an amazing woman that believes, but accepts me as I am, I'm not going to shut her out just based on the fact that she's religious. That makes me no better than the devout.

Guess I'm a terrible person then.

Because I think that someone being religious says a lot about the type of person they are...and I would avoid that. I'm not someone to waste my time on something I don't want. Not anymore.

To each their own.

I don't think you're terrible. I think you're pragmatic.

That said I do know people who don't go to church and don't give a shit about religion, but still say they believe in god.

I don't have a problem with those types...they're easy to push our way. Wink


God is a concept by which we measure our pain -- John Lennon

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
22-07-2013, 09:37 PM
RE: Fiance's overreaction to my new found atheism/agnosticism
(22-07-2013 09:26 PM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  
(22-07-2013 09:24 PM)NoahsFarce Wrote:  Well, to be fair, you're talking about the devout. I already said the devout are going to be a problem. But on the that token, a comparable level of Atheism does the same. You're absolutely right though, why not date another Atheist if you're on the market? My main point is, it's a different story when you were religious and you got into a long-term relationship with another religious mate. Then one of you loses that religion. I think it would be wrong not to try and work things out.

If I become single after all is said and done, then yea... I absolutely will gravitate towards another non-believer. But if I meet an amazing woman that believes, but accepts me as I am, I'm not going to shut her out just based on the fact that she's religious. That makes me no better than the devout.

Guess I'm a terrible person then.

Because I think that someone being religious says a lot about the type of person they are...and I would avoid that. I'm not someone to waste my time on something I don't want. Not anymore.

To each their own.

I agree to a point. It does say some things about a person. But I can't include every individual in this equation. Take KC for example. He's religious, yet he is scientifically minded and doesn't believe in other hoo has. What about Dr. Kent Miller? That man did a great service towards keeping ID out of schools. And he's a Christian. What about one of my closest friends? He's a believer too. All these people are believers, yet they are superbly accepting and open-minded. Only one difference arises and that is the belief in God.

I'm not saying you're horrible. Just saying it's not really fair to judge all believers like that. It makes a world of sense for you to date other Atheists. You have that option. Again, I'm mostly speaking for the situations where one person in a long-term relationship loses their religion. It's a crying shame when couples can't work that out solely because one, the other, or both are devout in their world-views.

Also, I would like to point out that some cultures are deeply rooted in religion. That makes it doubly hard for those people to shake their beliefs. To me, it's not fair for me to pass judgment solely based on their religious beliefs. Isn't that the same reason why Atheism elicits such negative reactions?

“We are all connected; To each other, biologically. To the earth, chemically. To the rest of the universe atomically.”

-Neil deGrasse Tyson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes NoahsFarce's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: