Fifty Shades of......domestic abuse?
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15-02-2015, 09:59 PM
RE: Fifty Shades of......domestic abuse?
(14-02-2015 05:50 PM)BnW Wrote:  
(14-02-2015 03:10 PM)Mathilda Wrote:  Actually it's not far fetched. It works because it is subtle and you do not conscously realise that you are forming unconscious expectations of the world.

As an example:

A father and son are in a horrible car crash that kills the dad. The son is rushed to the hospital; just as he’s about to go under the knife, the surgeon says, “I can’t operate—that boy is my son!”

Explain.

BU Research: A Riddle Reveals Depth of Gender Bias

I failed this when someone asked me.

Easy. The boy has two dads because he was adopted by a gay couple.

Cool

Or two moms... and maybe one or even both are surgeons. Wink

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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16-02-2015, 01:52 PM (This post was last modified: 16-02-2015 02:27 PM by Escape Artist.)
RE: Fifty Shades of......domestic abuse?
(13-02-2015 10:06 AM)dancefortwo Wrote:  I'm curious what others, especially the ladies, think of this S & M movie coming out. There are women who are protesting the depiction of a woman being so submissive and, according to them, being "abused". I believe in the story she's a virgin. Haven't read the book.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/articl...today.html

I spent some time with a guy who was into the sadism stuff but I didn't care to fulfill the other half of the relationship so I was miserable and, yes, I felt abused. He was so into S&M that he didn't know any other way to respond to women.

Anyone planning on seeing this movie?

I went and saw the movie last night with a group of girlfriends who are really into the books, so I will weigh in here... Warning, spoilers ahead!!!!!

And eegads, my brain is scattered with a million thoughts so I hope this thing turns out coherent. Hobo

First off, in theory you'd think that a movie chock-full of sex would be a little more interesting, but the movie really dragged along. They start having sex and it's like THEY JUST HAD SEX, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Tongue So then you're waiting for the sex to be done and then just a little bit down the road and they're at it again. So yeah, kind of plodding and boring in that way.

I don't like the way BDSM is portrayed in the film. As if only people who are "fifty shades of fucked up" could possibly be into it, which, in the reverse seems to imply that if you are anything other than vanilla it's because you're fucked up in the head. Dodgy

I hate how Ana is a complete f'ing virgin (and a clueless one at that - she's no sexual knowledge whatsoever, not even the kind that could be had from her educating herself) and yet Grey immediately thrusts (pun so intended Tongue) her into this lifestyle. Dude's an asshole and an abuser. He stalks her, gives the stink-eye to any man who dares to glance in her direction, grills her about whether any of those men are her boyfriend, lavishes her with expensive gifts that make her very uncomfortable, does the whole "stay away from me, I'm no good" / "I can't stay away from you, Ana, you're so irresistible" thing, making it *her* fault that he's acting this way. It of course is not his fault whatsoever. Just, lots of abusive stuff that I didn't like, and especially didn't like the implication that this is typical Dom behavior (because it isn't).

He presents her with a contract and when she doesn't sign off on it in a timely enough fashion (for him), he begins to badger Ana via e-mail about it. She gives him vague excuses for why she has not come to a decision yet and at one point during all this, she pretty much says "It's been nice knowing you" which I took as her saying she wanted no part of him anymore, and he simply shows up at her apartment and reminds her of just what she's been missing all this time.

From what I recall, it *was* over a period of a few months that all this took place, and if we were shown all the e-mail exchanges between them, then it looks like he only e-mailed her about once a month, but I am not sure if that was supposed to be the sum total of their exchanges or if that was just to give us a glimpse, so part of me is torn about this part. It is classic abuser behavior to "give someone time to think about something" and then never really give you time to think about it. They don't want you to think about it. They don't want you to *think* about anything. Either way, even if Grey did just e-mail her once a month about this issue, that does not excuse him letting himself into her apartment in order to refresh her memory of their sexual encounters and how good they were. Again, this is manipulative behavior. She needed time to think about it, however long that might've been, and he didn't give it to her. And when she implied that she had thought about it and it wasn't for her, he showed up to change her mind.

Let's see, what else... I guess that's really it. I think the film was plodding and the acting was mediocre (but, given the characters they had to portray, I can forgive them this), and it was a bad portrayal of BDSM and the kink community in general. (Remember, if you aren't vanilla, you're fucked up! Dodgy ) But I guess getting consent and treating your submissive with respect and devotion isn't dramatic enough. Rolleyes This *is* fiction, but I just think that there's gonna be plenty of folks out there who will take this as an accurate portrayal of the lifestyle and it isn't.


Just to quickly address your last point, it can also be miserable for someone who needs a D/s aspect to their relationship and their partner doesn't. So it kind of goes both ways.

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16-02-2015, 04:25 PM
RE: Fifty Shades of......domestic abuse?
Thanks EA for watching the film so I don't have to.
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16-02-2015, 05:32 PM
RE: Fifty Shades of......domestic abuse?
If two adults are both into it it certainly is not abuse, it's pleasure. No, this movie likely does not portray or glorify abuse, it glorifies sexual stimulation. Thumbsup

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16-02-2015, 05:43 PM
RE: Fifty Shades of......domestic abuse?
(15-02-2015 05:07 AM)earmuffs Wrote:  
(14-02-2015 05:57 PM)CleverUsername Wrote:  I already ruined everything in it for myself month ago; what's in there that makes it not being protested a double standard?

Because the man is being abused by his wife. Rape, living in fear etc.. etc..
It's actual abuse. At least Fifty Shades of Grey is mutual "oh yes spank me harder" sort of abuse.

Gone girl didn't try to pretend it was anything other that that though. Unless you count the misdirection at the beginning. At the end it was brutally honest about the intentions of both partners.

Fifty shades claims to be a love story about a couple who like BDSM. That is not what is happening in that story. That's what people are finding issue with.

I hope that the world turns, and things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. - V for Vendetta
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16-02-2015, 05:59 PM
RE: Fifty Shades of......domestic abuse?
(14-02-2015 10:29 AM)houseofcantor Wrote:  
(13-02-2015 11:01 AM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  ... are so one demential.

How many dementias does one need? Tongue

Need? None!
Want? All of 'em!

Gotta have me a complete set! Hobo

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17-02-2015, 01:26 AM
RE: Fifty Shades of......domestic abuse?
This version is much better

Fifty Shades of Socialist Feminism
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17-02-2015, 04:33 AM
RE: Fifty Shades of......domestic abuse?
(16-02-2015 05:43 PM)Smercury44 Wrote:  
(15-02-2015 05:07 AM)earmuffs Wrote:  Because the man is being abused by his wife. Rape, living in fear etc.. etc..
It's actual abuse. At least Fifty Shades of Grey is mutual "oh yes spank me harder" sort of abuse.

Gone girl didn't try to pretend it was anything other that that though. Unless you count the misdirection at the beginning. At the end it was brutally honest about the intentions of both partners.

Fifty shades claims to be a love story about a couple who like BDSM. That is not what is happening in that story. That's what people are finding issue with.

I can understand the "this isn't what BDSM is about.." point of view. It's like someone doing a movie about what Atheism is and getting it completely wrong.
My issue is not with that, my issue is with the people that have issue with a female being shown in a submissive role.

It's always the bitches that can't get a man but are most in need of the d.
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17-02-2015, 08:02 AM
RE: Fifty Shades of......domestic abuse?
(14-02-2015 03:11 PM)CleverUsername Wrote:  If Rotten Tomatoes is anything to go by (27% currently), it sucks, and I don't like it when sucky things make money. That's my only concern with that movie right now.

I'd throw in some comparison as a recent movie about male strippers got an 80% score on rotten tomatoes... and a 90s movie about regularly uglyish British men stripping got a 95% on rotten tomatoes. Though the latter one was more actually about industrial workers finding a way to cope with loss of a job and family struggles through a wacko idea.

But I think got no excuses, it's just a poor story or film in this world that is of the popular ilk

"Allow there to be a spectrum in all that you see" - Neil Degrasse Tyson
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17-02-2015, 08:15 AM
RE: Fifty Shades of......domestic abuse?
(16-02-2015 04:25 PM)Mathilda Wrote:  Thanks EA for watching the film so I don't have to.

Just taking one for the team. Wink

It would not have been my pick of movie, but the girls I run with (on occasion anyway) are not really into sci-fi or stuff like that. Sad And I wanted to hang out with my best friend so I just sucked it up and went. Had fun in spite of the movie. Big Grin

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