Finally a good therapist
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05-07-2017, 06:10 AM
RE: Finally a good therapist
Thanks for the clarification, man. I understand what you mean with the book now but I generally don't read self-help books. I feel they generalize too much and don't take the person with their own past and experiences into account much. I have read some self help things in the past and honestly I was unimpressed. There may be people who find them useful and that is great. Thanks for the tip anyway.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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07-07-2017, 06:21 AM
RE: Finally a good therapist
So apparently I have OCD. My therapist made very clear that he doesn't like the term because it puts people in boxes but it applies to me.
So yea, there is that. I've been working hard to keep the behaviors under control but I hope he can help me so that it's not so difficult anymore.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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07-07-2017, 07:40 AM
RE: Finally a good therapist
(07-07-2017 06:21 AM)Leerob Wrote:  So apparently I have OCD. My therapist made very clear that he doesn't like the term because it puts people in boxes but it applies to me.
So yea, there is that. I've been working hard to keep the behaviors under control but I hope he can help me so that it's not so difficult anymore.

At least you know, now- and that's the first step toward really treating it instead of struggling to cope every day. Thumbsup
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13-07-2017, 06:58 PM
RE: Finally a good therapist
Feeling a little intimidated by the session tomorrow. There are some things that I want to bring up but don't know how to start.
I did some... say therapeutic writing last night. Just needed to write some things off my chest. And some of it, I want to speak about. All of it actually but one session only has so much time.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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14-07-2017, 09:38 AM
RE: Finally a good therapist
I totally missed the OP Leerob.
That's good news, love some good news. Smile
Just dive in, it will save you some awkwardness. The therapist is used to that.
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14-07-2017, 04:06 PM
RE: Finally a good therapist
Actually I didn't go today. Not because I felt intimidated, that feeling has never stopped me from things. But I am ill right now, and my fever wasn't going down. Next week it is then.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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14-07-2017, 06:13 PM
RE: Finally a good therapist
IMHO the therapist should first work toward helping you set a goal, then help you achieve that goal.

Setting the goal might include giving you permission to seek what you want, maybe including some information. Some more simple techniques might be useful before going into more involved techniques.

Beware of a therapist who wants to keep you talking and feling good for a long time. This too often results in dependency on the therapist. Goal is to teach the patient how to get to their goal, to understand how to do it again if ever necessary, and to have the patient give credit to himself.
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16-07-2017, 03:23 PM
RE: Finally a good therapist
(14-07-2017 06:13 PM)psybj Wrote:  IMHO the therapist should first work toward helping you set a goal, then help you achieve that goal.

Setting the goal might include giving you permission to seek what you want, maybe including some information. Some more simple techniques might be useful before going into more involved techniques.

Beware of a therapist who wants to keep you talking and feling good for a long time. This too often results in dependency on the therapist. Goal is to teach the patient how to get to their goal, to understand how to do it again if ever necessary, and to have the patient give credit to himself.
Blink Unsure Consider

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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17-07-2017, 07:06 PM
RE: Finally a good therapist
During the past few days I have been thinking about how I act really well.
I don't understand all emotions of people, simply because I am fucked up, but I am good at acting it all.
People don't generally want to know you - they want to know the person they chose you to be. So what do you do? You learn to read them and give to them exactly what they want to see. Right?

So I had to learn how small talk works and what topics count as small talk and which don't.
I learned to understand the attention span of other people very fast so I know what small talk topic to pick.
I learned to have conversations where the other person does most of the talking because it makes them feel like they are connecting.
I re-learned how to smile and make a nice remark about things or how to listen and nod and agree with all that meaningless bullshit.
I learned to establish and hold eye contact.
I find myself in the fucking bathroom, listening to women complaining about their "fat legs" (which btw are just fine) or about birth control or make up emergencies. I make that funny, cutsie, or otherwise socially acceptable remark.

A friend of mine told me a few days ago that he wanted a bumpersticker of what I said: "People I don't give a fuck about are liking me"
I actually feel accomplished because it means that I am acting well at work. (This was about work people)

I don't wanna sound like a psychopath or anything. am just shit at emotional things although I have emotions. They are confusing though.

WARNING: BELOW THIS MESSAGE THERE WILL POTENTIALLY VERY TRIGGERING (and graphic) STUFF. Do not read below this if you feel depressed or suicidal.

Anyway, the other thing that made me think of this today was when I was looking through some photos of years ago.
First photo I found was from when I was 6 years old. Cute little girl there. I wasn't depressed or suicidal at the time yet but I remember a report from my teacher in first grade that said I am so much more mature than my peers. Indeed, I was the kid that stayed out of fights, that communicated very clearly and well structured. But first grade is when I started learning to act. I wasn't good yet but I started to learn it because I didn't fit in. At primary school I faked a lot or at least tried to. Outside of school there was no need yet.

That need to act came later, when the fact that negative emotions are discouraged, ridiculed, and trampled on in my family, sunk in. This was just one of the many issues in my family. Well I suppressed them unwanted feelings and put on the happy mask. I acted the happy mask for most of my childhood. There were a few times when I attempted to show my not-so-happy me but it always backfired. Nobody in my family was able to deal with "not happy" so I put the mask back on. And the mask stayed on. It stayed on no matter how much worse I got. At some point I became very depressed and suicidal. My first suicide plans started when i was about 9 or 10 years old. I wrote them in my diary at the time.
And I saw pictures of myself from that time and from when I got older. I look perfectly happy and normal. There is only one single picture that I have where the mask is not on.
So I look so happy and normal and one day I stood at the train, ready to jump, willing to jump.
I saw the train closing in, I was on the edge of the platform, my muscles flexed for the jump and impact, and things in my head went quiet for a second. And I didn't jump. The train stopped. The doors opened. The usual train station stuff happened. I just stood there, stepped back a little.
Not that it was over, I started self harming at that point but I did not die that day and that is good.

But after trying for a few years now to do without my happy mask, and failing at that, I had to put it back on, and it works. You wouldn't believe how well the happy mask works when you are good at it. The friendly, well adjusted nobody over at the next desk at work. Have you ever wondered?

I just wonder how families can be so neglectful and careless. It is maddening. And I know I am not the only one who had a tough time growing up. I know several people here who had it really bad as well. My best buddy had a horrible childhood and teenage time. Families/parents that completely fuck up their childrens minds and often bodies too.
You know, every time I hear of a kid or teen suicide or a amok run in a school, and later you hear from parents and even teachers "he was such a normal boy. Nobody saw it coming." Well maybe you are fucking blind then. Everybody who goes through times that lead up to such events gives signs, plenty of them. Look after your kids and stop breaking them!

Just had to vent this. It is so frustrating.

To be clear: I am currently not suicidal and have my depression mostly under control. I am also in therapy. Just had to vent this, because it is bothering me how parents can be like this and cause so much pain.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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19-07-2017, 01:20 PM
RE: Finally a good therapist
(17-07-2017 07:06 PM)Leerob Wrote:  During the past few days I have been thinking about how I act really well.
I don't understand all emotions of people, simply because I am fucked up, but I am good at acting it all.
People don't generally want to know you - they want to know the person they chose you to be. So what do you do? You learn to read them and give to them exactly what they want to see. Right?

So I had to learn how small talk works and what topics count as small talk and which don't.
I learned to understand the attention span of other people very fast so I know what small talk topic to pick.
I learned to have conversations where the other person does most of the talking because it makes them feel like they are connecting.
I re-learned how to smile and make a nice remark about things or how to listen and nod and agree with all that meaningless bullshit.
I learned to establish and hold eye contact.
I find myself in the fucking bathroom, listening to women complaining about their "fat legs" (which btw are just fine) or about birth control or make up emergencies. I make that funny, cutsie, or otherwise socially acceptable remark.

A friend of mine told me a few days ago that he wanted a bumpersticker of what I said: "People I don't give a fuck about are liking me"
I actually feel accomplished because it means that I am acting well at work. (This was about work people)

I don't wanna sound like a psychopath or anything. am just shit at emotional things although I have emotions. They are confusing though.

WARNING: BELOW THIS MESSAGE THERE WILL POTENTIALLY VERY TRIGGERING (and graphic) STUFF. Do not read below this if you feel depressed or suicidal.

Anyway, the other thing that made me think of this today was when I was looking through some photos of years ago.
First photo I found was from when I was 6 years old. Cute little girl there. I wasn't depressed or suicidal at the time yet but I remember a report from my teacher in first grade that said I am so much more mature than my peers. Indeed, I was the kid that stayed out of fights, that communicated very clearly and well structured. But first grade is when I started learning to act. I wasn't good yet but I started to learn it because I didn't fit in. At primary school I faked a lot or at least tried to. Outside of school there was no need yet.

That need to act came later, when the fact that negative emotions are discouraged, ridiculed, and trampled on in my family, sunk in. This was just one of the many issues in my family. Well I suppressed them unwanted feelings and put on the happy mask. I acted the happy mask for most of my childhood. There were a few times when I attempted to show my not-so-happy me but it always backfired. Nobody in my family was able to deal with "not happy" so I put the mask back on. And the mask stayed on. It stayed on no matter how much worse I got. At some point I became very depressed and suicidal. My first suicide plans started when i was about 9 or 10 years old. I wrote them in my diary at the time.
And I saw pictures of myself from that time and from when I got older. I look perfectly happy and normal. There is only one single picture that I have where the mask is not on.
So I look so happy and normal and one day I stood at the train, ready to jump, willing to jump.
I saw the train closing in, I was on the edge of the platform, my muscles flexed for the jump and impact, and things in my head went quiet for a second. And I didn't jump. The train stopped. The doors opened. The usual train station stuff happened. I just stood there, stepped back a little.
Not that it was over, I started self harming at that point but I did not die that day and that is good.

But after trying for a few years now to do without my happy mask, and failing at that, I had to put it back on, and it works. You wouldn't believe how well the happy mask works when you are good at it. The friendly, well adjusted nobody over at the next desk at work. Have you ever wondered?

I just wonder how families can be so neglectful and careless. It is maddening. And I know I am not the only one who had a tough time growing up. I know several people here who had it really bad as well. My best buddy had a horrible childhood and teenage time. Families/parents that completely fuck up their childrens minds and often bodies too.
You know, every time I hear of a kid or teen suicide or a amok run in a school, and later you hear from parents and even teachers "he was such a normal boy. Nobody saw it coming." Well maybe you are fucking blind then. Everybody who goes through times that lead up to such events gives signs, plenty of them. Look after your kids and stop breaking them!

Just had to vent this. It is so frustrating.

To be clear: I am currently not suicidal and have my depression mostly under control. I am also in therapy. Just had to vent this, because it is bothering me how parents can be like this and cause so much pain.

I liked this post because I agree with so much of what you said. I got good at masking, too. So good at it that I thought my depression was normal for everyone to feel.
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