Finally came out to wife
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27-01-2014, 07:21 PM
RE: Finally came out to wife
She's probably been told for her whole life that atheists are not to be trusted and now you've gone and informed her that the person she's sleeping with is one. I can see where it will take her some time to mull the ramifications of that over in her head.

As long as she doesn't summon a torch-and-pitchfork bearing mob you're probably okay.

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27-01-2014, 07:54 PM
RE: Finally came out to wife
Joe- Big fan of the podcast, they helped me find my way out. I might have to listen to that one again (after finishing up the Bill Nye/Creationist one).

Pippen- You have a good point about me throwing her a curve ball. Also, I've been so worried about losing her (and the kids) that it didn't occur to me that she'd be worried about the same.

Minimalist- I avoided giving myself the "atheist" label for that purpose, hopefully you're right.
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28-01-2014, 01:55 AM
RE: Finally came out to wife
I think you did the right thing. Honesty is always the best policy, but at some point you are going to have to talk things out. I hope everything works out, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.
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28-01-2014, 05:05 AM
RE: Finally came out to wife
My wife rang my sister when I told her, and said "I'd rather he told me he was gay".

We didn't talk about it for a while.

She's ok with it now.

Give me your argument in the form of a published paper, and then we can start to talk.
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28-01-2014, 05:35 AM
RE: Finally came out to wife
Without communication, how can a couple have a relationship? They don't!

That's a really big one. Two radically different worldviews; no amount of hem-hawing excuses for you.

I have a Christian friend who married a Muslim. Things seemed to go OK for a couple of years until he told her in the final judgment, Jesus and all his followers (Christians) are going to run in shame from the presence of god, Moses and his followers also; Mohammed and his followers only will pass with supreme approval. I had the opportunity to be there when this went down. Now they don't talk at all.

"If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story." Orson Welles
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28-01-2014, 06:50 PM
RE: Finally came out to wife
Hafnof- I was afraid of a response like what you're describing; I've read plenty of horror stories. Good to see it turned out well though.

Dee- That must've been incredibly awkward to witness.
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28-01-2014, 07:14 PM
RE: Finally came out to wife
(28-01-2014 05:35 AM)Dee Wrote:  Without communication, how can a couple have a relationship? They don't!

That's a really big one. Two radically different worldviews; no amount of hem-hawing excuses for you.

I have a Christian friend who married a Muslim. Things seemed to go OK for a couple of years until he told her in the final judgment, Jesus and all his followers (Christians) are going to run in shame from the presence of god, Moses and his followers also; Mohammed and his followers only will pass with supreme approval. I had the opportunity to be there when this went down. Now they don't talk at all.

Leave it to God to make three different books and tell each group that they are the chosen ones. Well played God, well played.
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30-01-2014, 08:55 PM
RE: Finally came out to wife
I figured I'd give an update: After some time of awkward silence, yesterday it was like I never said anything at all. I'm thinking she's still processing and trying to understand, but there's no use coming at me with a crowd carrying pitchforks. I've noticed she's been listening to the christian station in the car, which is also how she responding to her Mom's passing (a few of you have mentioned a mourning process). I know it would be foolish to think this is the last time we'll have a conversation about religion, but for now all seems well.
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30-01-2014, 10:59 PM
RE: Finally came out to wife
(30-01-2014 08:55 PM)NWchgo_atheist Wrote:  but there's no use coming at me with a crowd carrying pitchforks.

I could be much worse, it could be an intervention. Ohmy Seriously, there's probably all kinds of things going on in her head. Being a Christian means that you have a personal relationship with Jesus, and even though that relationship is purely fictional, it still feels real to her. Since you've abandoned that relationship it might be similar to dealing with someone who has banished a family member from a home. I'm sure once the shock wears off there will be questions of why from her. I would look into some books on the matter to help you deal with things, or even counseling.
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31-01-2014, 09:09 PM
RE: Finally came out to wife
That would be pretty bad since it would likely involve my parents, and I'm not ready to tell them yet. My friends and siblings probably wouldn't care at all. I'm sure there will be questions, I think I'll look into some books that might help me respond to them without sounding to harsh.
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