Finally came out to wife
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31-01-2014, 11:19 PM
RE: Finally came out to wife
If it comes up again, the best thing I could think of would be to tell her that you still respect her beliefs and you respect her dedication to them, but religion just isn't for you. A lot of believers who I know think that atheists think that we're better than them and smarter just because we don't believe. Since I don't know your wife, I can't say if this is going through her mind, but it couldn't hurt just making sure she knows that you don't think any less of her for believing. If y'all love each other enough to get married then y'all definitely love each other enough to get through this. Good luck to you, and I hope everything works out for you.
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31-01-2014, 11:47 PM
RE: Finally came out to wife
I went through the same thing with my wife about 12 years ago. It did, and still does, create strain in our relationship, pretty much every Sunday like clockwork.

In my case, it's obnoxious, but not intolerable. But unfortunately, you have to start thinking of the possibility this will end your marriage if religion is something really important to your wife. Hopefully, she'll come to accept it in time. But if you have kids, it's probably goign to cause some serious tension, as she'll want the kids raised religious, and will view your atheism as a threat to that.

Softly, softly, catchee monkey.
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01-02-2014, 01:18 AM
RE: Finally came out to wife
You can live with her if you want but under no circumstances should you subject your children to religious indoctrination.
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01-02-2014, 08:52 PM
RE: Finally came out to wife
I can definately see the most tension come from raising our kids, and possibly when visiting her very religious (pentacostal) family.
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06-02-2014, 11:04 AM
RE: Finally came out to wife
(27-01-2014 04:54 PM)NWchgo_atheist Wrote:  Hello, I just signed up on these forums (also introduced myself on the "introduce yourself" area). I'm sure there's many posts like this, but I needed to vent/solicit advice.

I've been married for about 5 1/2 years now, when we got married I was a Christian (so is she) but during the past 4 years or so found my way out. I never really told my wife because it never really seemed worth the problems it can cause. She never asked why I stopped going to church, or why I was reading the books I was; it became a question of risk versus reward.

As time went on, I felt the need to be honest with her; after all, I'm only 30 and odds are we'll be together for the next 60 years or so. Last night she brought up the bible and how people can interpret it differently. I took this as my opportunity and mentioned that I don't believe it is accurate anymore. She asked if I believe in god, to which I responded, "no". She asked me what changed my mind and I told her that I read the bible, which really seemed to shock her. She became defensive and stated, "I still believe" and I told her that I know that, and understand. I brought up how I disagree with the bible's viewpoints on women & slavery, but decided it would be best to not mention the many other faults.

Afterwards, she went into the other room and we haven't really talked to each other since. I'm hoping that kissing goodbye and saying "I love you" before going to work is a good sign, but I'm still concerned. I realize that I just questioned a major part of her life (she grew up Assemblies of god), but I'm hoping that this ends well.

Anyways, thank you for reading; I hope it doesn't seem like I was rambling.

Right from the beginning my wife knew I was an atheist, and it didn't bother her. She asked me why I didn't believe in God, and I replied the same way I reply to anyone who asks that question.

"I was born this way."

We all were born as atheists, really. We had no beliefs the day we were born, and it was only afterwards that people would teach us religious beliefs. This happens in many different cultures who have many different religions and who believe in many different gods.

You simply decided to revert back to your natural state of disbelief because, as I said earlier, you were born to be an atheist. And guess what?

So was your wife. Wink

How can anyone become an atheist when we are all born with no beliefs in the first place? We are atheists because we were born this way.
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06-02-2014, 05:52 PM
RE: Finally came out to wife
(06-02-2014 11:04 AM)Free Wrote:  
(27-01-2014 04:54 PM)NWchgo_atheist Wrote:  Hello, I just signed up on these forums (also introduced myself on the "introduce yourself" area). I'm sure there's many posts like this, but I needed to vent/solicit advice.

I've been married for about 5 1/2 years now, when we got married I was a Christian (so is she) but during the past 4 years or so found my way out. I never really told my wife because it never really seemed worth the problems it can cause. She never asked why I stopped going to church, or why I was reading the books I was; it became a question of risk versus reward.

As time went on, I felt the need to be honest with her; after all, I'm only 30 and odds are we'll be together for the next 60 years or so. Last night she brought up the bible and how people can interpret it differently. I took this as my opportunity and mentioned that I don't believe it is accurate anymore. She asked if I believe in god, to which I responded, "no". She asked me what changed my mind and I told her that I read the bible, which really seemed to shock her. She became defensive and stated, "I still believe" and I told her that I know that, and understand. I brought up how I disagree with the bible's viewpoints on women & slavery, but decided it would be best to not mention the many other faults.

Afterwards, she went into the other room and we haven't really talked to each other since. I'm hoping that kissing goodbye and saying "I love you" before going to work is a good sign, but I'm still concerned. I realize that I just questioned a major part of her life (she grew up Assemblies of god), but I'm hoping that this ends well.

Anyways, thank you for reading; I hope it doesn't seem like I was rambling.

Right from the beginning my wife knew I was an atheist, and it didn't bother her. She asked me why I didn't believe in God, and I replied the same way I reply to anyone who asks that question.

"I was born this way."

We all were born as atheists, really. We had no beliefs the day we were born, and it was only afterwards that people would teach us religious beliefs. This happens in many different cultures who have many different religions and who believe in many different gods.

You simply decided to revert back to your natural state of disbelief because, as I said earlier, you were born to be an atheist. And guess what?

So was your wife. Wink
I agree with you.
We are born atheists. Faith is gift from God and not all people have this gift for different reasons.

English is not my native language.
that awkward moment between the Premortal Existence and your Resurrection
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07-02-2014, 09:57 AM
RE: Finally came out to wife
Just keep showing her love. She is in a sensitive place right now. Losing parents is HARD and it can really change the way you see the world and the relationships around you.

Honestly, I wouldn't worry too much about the kids, they will learn to question things because you do. Yes, your wife and family will try to influence, but you have an influence as well. The simple fact that you don't believe what they do--you offer a different path--is all a child needs to question it. It can't be the only way if Dad is taking a different way. With everything your child learns, you have the chance to teach them to look for evidence….in everything…for example....how do we know a rabbit was in the garden….it chewed the leaves, it left its footprints…..look for the evidence. It carries over to the discussions about religion too. Don't worry about the kids--you being involved in their life will take care of it.

My husband is a believer, we go with the 'life, liberty and pursuit of happiness' rule. Each person decides their own spiritual path. We can't choose for others, we can only choose for ourselves. Reassure her that you love her, want to be with her, and this is what you feel is right FOR YOU and that her choices are ok FOR HER and that they don't need to be the same for you two to love one another.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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