Finally over
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
09-01-2017, 09:11 AM
Finally over
My grandpa died this morning at about 2 am CST. He had been bedridden for a few days and we knew he was close. He was 94 and had horrible dementia. He had no idea who I was over a year ago and he was the best man in my wedding. He didn't know who his kids were and couldn't remember how to play cribbage anymore (which is a game he taught me 30 years ago, had played since he was about 7, and could play without any effort). My mom was there in his room at the nursing home so he wasn't alone although I have no idea weather he was aware she was there. It had been over a year since I last saw him. I didn't want to see him last time I was in Wisconsin because I wanted to remember him for how he was, not what he had become. The reason for this was really my wife whose last memory of her grandfather was awful and it has stayed seared in her mind to this day. I wanted to forgo that.

The strange thing is that I don't feel that bad. I mean, I am sad that he is gone but frankly, he was dead to me almost a year ago when he had no idea who I was. I am just glad that he or the family doesn't have to suffer anymore. I hated hearing the stories my mom would share of the confusion and embarrassment he suffered in his final years from not knowing who he was to shitting himself almost daily. Before he died last year, my great uncle Emil (who was very mentally sharp even at the end) remarked that we don't even treat animals as poorly as we treat the elderly. This 95 year old man openly criticized that we put dogs down that are suffering but we will drag the incredible suffering of our parents and grandparents for what? I know this is a touchy topic with some people, but I know that my grandpa would rather have been taken into the woods and shot than check out this way. That is the thought that saddens me more than him dying. We all die, we all just check out differently. The fact that we can't chose the manner in which we do it is a real problem to me.

I was privileged to have a grandfather in my life like him and I am very grateful that I was able to know him as well as I did. Love you grandpa.

Thanks for reading.

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 24 users Like The Organic Chemist's post
09-01-2017, 09:19 AM
RE: Finally over
*hugs* As someone who worked in the elder care field, I 100% agree with your post.

I'm so sorry for your loss. As you say, he is finally at peace. Your grandpa sounded like an amazing man. Sounds like you two had a pretty great relationship. Not many people have their grandpa as their best man at their wedding.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like jennybee's post
09-01-2017, 09:37 AM
RE: Finally over
Dementia makes it very hard to pick your own exit, even when you live in a state where death with dignity is legal. People pop in and out of lucidity and miss the point of no return. There is really no solution for this, since it's up to the ill person to make a decision. I would not feel comfortable with others being able to do so.

That said, so sorry you lost your grandpa. For me, witnessing several people die did cause some sleepless nights, but it also took away my fear of death. I saw the relief and peace it brought...it's part of life, and it's not actually the unpleasant part. The unpleasant part is the suffering. Thankfully your grandpa probably did not experience that part.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like Dom's post
09-01-2017, 09:50 AM
RE: Finally over
Life is more than just a heartbeat, or intake of breath.

...

Sadly, your grandfather did indeed die quite some time ago. His life support system just finally shut down.

....

He'll be there with you, at each cribbage game.....

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 7 users Like onlinebiker's post
09-01-2017, 10:06 AM
RE: Finally over
One of my in-laws died in this manner and I agree with you. Sorry for your loss, but glad the pain will stop.

Check out my now-defunct atheism blog. It's just a blog, no ads, no revenue, no gods.
----
Atheism promotes critical thinking; theism promotes hypocritical thinking. -- Me
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like WillHopp's post
09-01-2017, 10:06 AM
RE: Finally over
(09-01-2017 09:37 AM)Dom Wrote:  Dementia makes it very hard to pick your own exit, even when you live in a state where death with dignity is legal. People pop in and out of lucidity and miss the point of no return. There is really no solution for this, since it's up to the ill person to make a decision. I would not feel comfortable with others being able to do so.

I agree, there are no easy answers to this. He did have a DNR done with my grandma many years ago while he was still lucid but he was pretty healthy for a senior. My grandma was being kept alive with meds (30+ pills a day) but he was only taking vitamins and a few other meds (like 3 or 4) that were for gout and arthritis but nothing life threatening. I agree I would not feel comfortable with someone else making this call but what really gets me is that there are people out there who needlessly suffer. We knew that since he was pretty healthy physically, that this was going to get ugly.

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 4 users Like The Organic Chemist's post
09-01-2017, 10:16 AM
RE: Finally over
(09-01-2017 09:11 AM)The Organic Chemist Wrote:  My grandpa died this morning at about 2 am CST. He had been bedridden for a few days and we knew he was close. He was 94 and had horrible dementia. He had no idea who I was over a year ago and he was the best man in my wedding. He didn't know who his kids were and couldn't remember how to play cribbage anymore (which is a game he taught me 30 years ago, had played since he was about 7, and could play without any effort). My mom was there in his room at the nursing home so he wasn't alone although I have no idea weather he was aware she was there. It had been over a year since I last saw him. I didn't want to see him last time I was in Wisconsin because I wanted to remember him for how he was, not what he had become. The reason for this was really my wife whose last memory of her grandfather was awful and it has stayed seared in her mind to this day. I wanted to forgo that.

The strange thing is that I don't feel that bad. I mean, I am sad that he is gone but frankly, he was dead to me almost a year ago when he had no idea who I was. I am just glad that he or the family doesn't have to suffer anymore. I hated hearing the stories my mom would share of the confusion and embarrassment he suffered in his final years from not knowing who he was to shitting himself almost daily. Before he died last year, my great uncle Emil (who was very mentally sharp even at the end) remarked that we don't even treat animals as poorly as we treat the elderly. This 95 year old man openly criticized that we put dogs down that are suffering but we will drag the incredible suffering of our parents and grandparents for what? I know this is a touchy topic with some people, but I know that my grandpa would rather have been taken into the woods and shot than check out this way. That is the thought that saddens me more than him dying. We all die, we all just check out differently. The fact that we can't chose the manner in which we do it is a real problem to me.

I was privileged to have a grandfather in my life like him and I am very grateful that I was able to know him as well as I did. Love you grandpa.

Thanks for reading.

I know how you feel. I felt the same way when my mother died. It was a relief. She had a massive aneurysm when she was 68 and the next 14 years we all had to keep her close and watch her. She talked, walked and could read a little bit but she wasn't the same person. Then she came down with lung cancer and then suffered some more. It was horrible. She didn't need to suffer any more. Death was a good and a welcome event for her.

I was 28 when she had her stroke and I was very, very close to her. I've spent a good portion of my life without my mother.

Here's what you do. Tell your kids or family or even friends stories of your grandfather. Telling stories keeps him alive and his legacy is transferred down to them. It also makes you remember his better days and not the end of his life. Teach other people or your kids cribbage. That's a good time to talk about your grandfather. My family is a storytelling family and I know stories about my grandfather, my great grandfather and my great-great grandfather.

Take care. Heart

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 4 users Like dancefortwo's post
09-01-2017, 10:24 AM
RE: Finally over
I'm sorry for your loss.

Hug


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Momsurroundedbyboys's post
09-01-2017, 10:49 AM
RE: Finally over
(09-01-2017 10:16 AM)dancefortwo Wrote:  
(09-01-2017 09:11 AM)The Organic Chemist Wrote:  My grandpa died this morning at about 2 am CST. He had been bedridden for a few days and we knew he was close. He was 94 and had horrible dementia. He had no idea who I was over a year ago and he was the best man in my wedding. He didn't know who his kids were and couldn't remember how to play cribbage anymore (which is a game he taught me 30 years ago, had played since he was about 7, and could play without any effort). My mom was there in his room at the nursing home so he wasn't alone although I have no idea weather he was aware she was there. It had been over a year since I last saw him. I didn't want to see him last time I was in Wisconsin because I wanted to remember him for how he was, not what he had become. The reason for this was really my wife whose last memory of her grandfather was awful and it has stayed seared in her mind to this day. I wanted to forgo that.

The strange thing is that I don't feel that bad. I mean, I am sad that he is gone but frankly, he was dead to me almost a year ago when he had no idea who I was. I am just glad that he or the family doesn't have to suffer anymore. I hated hearing the stories my mom would share of the confusion and embarrassment he suffered in his final years from not knowing who he was to shitting himself almost daily. Before he died last year, my great uncle Emil (who was very mentally sharp even at the end) remarked that we don't even treat animals as poorly as we treat the elderly. This 95 year old man openly criticized that we put dogs down that are suffering but we will drag the incredible suffering of our parents and grandparents for what? I know this is a touchy topic with some people, but I know that my grandpa would rather have been taken into the woods and shot than check out this way. That is the thought that saddens me more than him dying. We all die, we all just check out differently. The fact that we can't chose the manner in which we do it is a real problem to me.

I was privileged to have a grandfather in my life like him and I am very grateful that I was able to know him as well as I did. Love you grandpa.

Thanks for reading.

I know how you feel. I felt the same way when my mother died. It was a relief. She had a massive aneurysm when she was 68 and the next 14 years we all had to keep her close and watch her. She talked, walked and could read a little bit but she wasn't the same person. Then she came down with lung cancer and then suffered some more. It was horrible. She didn't need to suffer any more. Death was a good and a welcome event for her.

I was 28 when she had her stroke and I was very, very close to her. I've spent a good portion of my life without my mother.

Here's what you do. Tell your kids or family or even friends stories of your grandfather. Telling stories keeps him alive and his legacy is transferred down to them. It also makes you remember his better days and not the end of his life. Teach other people or your kids cribbage. That's a good time to talk about your grandfather. My family is a storytelling family and I know stories about my grandfather, my great grandfather and my great-great grandfather.

Take care. Heart

Thanks.

My kids are aware of what is happening. We don't hide that from them. We were all talking about it last night at bedtime and I remarked that my kids have known 3 of their 4 great-grandparents (my fraternal gp dies a year before my oldest was born) and they have very good memories from what they told us. I also told them they are probably one of the few kids they know who can say that they knew so many of their great-grandparents. I only recall one and she died when I was 8. I love that they got to experience my grandparents.

The funny thing is that my fraternal grandmother is a machine. We all joke that she was assembled. She is 90 and healthy as hell. Still driving and everything.

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like The Organic Chemist's post
09-01-2017, 11:03 AM
RE: Finally over
hugs to you, sorry for your loss. I have not gone through what you have, everybody has been sharp up to the end. That has to be hard on everybody.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes skyking's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: