Fixing my family.
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28-03-2014, 09:30 PM
RE: Fixing my family.
Lao Zi's words:

Dao gives rise to 1, 1 gives rise to 2, 2 gives rise to 3, 3 gives rises to the various things in this universe. ( Chapter 42 of Dao De Jing)


My words (might seem like folly but I found useful):

Firstly, ignore the quote for a moment.

Secondly, let your superego talk. What you have in mind may be like a scene in which you talk to your bro and manage to let him become more rational, he then talks to Julie's family and somehow they are able to temporarily set their disputes aside, after seeing all this, your sis realizes that she has been a little emotional and then talk to your bro again, and whatever the outcome of Abbey's illness has eventually presented these people affected manage to be strong enough to accepted it, in which, you are able to have done your best.

Thirdly, let your ego speak. The feeling of helplessness, befuddlement, bewilderment, confusion, puzzle, baffle, vexation, annoyance, undesirable setback, frustration, being defeated, great anger, chaos ... of which you said "I got mad at one point and considered ..."

Fourthly, let your id speak. It depends on what effort you think you are practicably able to make at the moment. I am thinking of a scene in which you put all the disheartening emotions in a insignificant pocket of yours, with them alongside, popping into your head from time to time, yet a little too weak to keep you from going forward, and you manage to keep talking with your bro and sis to let them better deal with their own emotions (with yourself leading by example), making your contribution in this way.

Fifthly, so much for ration, time to mix your emotions. The above is more about the rational part, which is able to be transcribed into written forms as well as verbally, i.e. "can be pronounced" in your mind, which happens in the left hemisphere of your brain. You may also have felt differently when you ready the above paragraphs, and plausibly had some insight yet may still feel pretty confused. So now it is time to "think" in emotions, by mixing them all together. Be "silent" in your mind, recall your emotions in turns, envision those different scenes. Emotions, you know, happen in the right hemisphere of your brain, which is also in charge of your graphic "thinking". When you "think" in graphics, you are able to thinking real fast, so fast that you can mix your superego, ego and id emotions all together alongside, hence making a mixture.

Lastly, instantiate this emotion mixture with actions, see how well it works. If it is not as good as what you hope for, check the superego, ego and id statements for improvement and then make another one.


Things change, with their own rules. And then Abbey got ill.

Abbey's illness makes a divide, between your bro and Julie's family, between you and your sis, between you and your siblings, as well as between you and yourself.

The disparity of what we hope and what we feel about our cold hard reality sometimes seems so desperate, so desperate that we are always willing to make efforts to find a practicable way of solving it.

You reached out for advice, then you've got many responses, among which, I hope mine would turn out to be a useful one.

Want something? Then do something.
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30-03-2014, 10:15 AM
RE: Fixing my family.
Your brother didn't act in a manner that pleased your sister so she disowned him, insulted that he didn't bow to her wishes. You have allowed yourself to get in the middle because you want someone to bend to your way of thinking. Let them sort it out and stay out of it. It's not your job to fix it.
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30-03-2014, 10:22 AM
RE: Fixing my family.
I wish I had some advice, but all I keep thinking is how bad I feel for that little girl.

When she needs her family THE MOST they cant stop behaving like spoiled children for her, so she can be with the people she loves in the short time she apparently has left.

*hugs bemore* I'm sorry this is happening.
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30-03-2014, 10:49 AM
RE: Fixing my family.
Sending more hugs Bemore.

Vent when you need to.

Hugs and smiles to Abbey.

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. -JF
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30-03-2014, 03:42 PM
RE: Fixing my family.
Well, I don't have much to say as I don't know your laws at all.

It is sad that, instead of rallying around the kid, these people can't control themselves and fight instead. Where the heck are their priorities?

I am sorry you are in the middle of this.

Venting helps. I wish I had more to say...

Hug Heart

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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31-03-2014, 04:32 AM
RE: Fixing my family.
I am sorry that I have no real wisdom to pass on. The advice focusing on placing the child first seems sound. As for the adults....

How others behave is not within your control. Nor is it your responsibility. i have witnessed the most amazing behavior exhibitted by adults who should know better.

Offer care and empathy when needed. Remain neutral. Everyone is on edge at a time like this.

Good luck and sorry I cannot offer more.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
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