Flirting When in a Relationship

[kim]

You naughty Stark, you.


Oh yea....

[Weeeeee_Zard]

The main thing is that people is afraid of been honest about liking other people or flirting or whatever because the base of monogamy is jealousy and mistrust.

So you can't expect your partner to be honest about this topic if you are already in conflict with it.

Therefore people learn to live with been dishonest and cheat and all of that.

This is why is compare monogamy with religion. It's based on a false faith, fear and control and it denies human nature, promotes lies and guilt.

We know what each other is up to, we don't have the need of "privacy" between us because there is nothing to hide. We don't feel guilt, we don't cheat, we are best friends and in complicity.

This makes us work out to look better, dress better, feel better, eat better... Sex is an amazing thing to do while you are young, when we get old it would be different I guess, but now? 25-40yr old people is the hottest! (IMO)

We have so many incredible situations to remember and smile that is not even worth telling anyone because they sound like tall tales. We are living together the repressed wet dreams of the most who feel guilt after even thinking about it.

One thing tho, we make sure as much as we can that we are not kicking it with someone who is cheating to be with us.

We are all about honesty, loyalty and respect.

So, yeah... Flirting in a monogamous relationship where that would cause jealousy IS A PROBLEM, because of the set up, not because of the flirting.

How come affection, kisses, flirting, hugs, sex can become such a negative thing that people even kill each other for? I can't stress enough how delusional it is to me. (as well as religion I repeat)

I mean no offense, just try to see it from my fearless point of view.

[Weeeeee_Zard]

(20-02-2013 01:31 PM)Stark Raving Wrote:  I flirt constantly. And my wife loves it.

W Zard, sounds like we're in the same boat. If only more people got the chance to see how nice the water is huh?

Oh yeah, the water is nice and warm... And there is plenty of fish.

I'm so glad for you guys!

We say: FREEDOM!!

[bemore]

I think its about mutual trust if you are in a relationship. I once dated a girl called Laura for two years and she was VERY insecure as she had been cheated on numerous times.

When our relationship first started I did notice the subtle changes in her and the hostility coming out when she thought I was flirting with people, even gay men lol.

As the relationship went on we talked about it and to make her feel better about herself I changed my behavior. This was all good for a while but soon I started to resent her for it, never again will I change for anybody like that.

People worry about the flirting because it can be a pre-cursor to people fucking. The way I see that is irregardless or wether you worry about it, if its gonna happen its gonna happen. So best not to worry about it

[bbeljefe]

"Maybe it's because I never actually dated around and I'm a serial monogamist?"

My wife and I have been serial monogamists for 26 years and we've been swingers for the last ten. Monogamy is in the mind, not in the pants/panties.

If you're in love and you have an honest, solid mental connection with another person, flirting should be no different than talking about fishing or, movies or any other interests. At the end of the day, literally, it doesn't matter what my wife and I have done or with whom, we lay our heads in the same bed. Sometimes there might be one or two more people in that bed but you can rest assured, the two of us are together.

Jealousy, from what I can tell, comes from insecurity. Thus, if you're jealous of your partner, there's a reason for it that only you can resolve. Because we have no jealousy, I'm as flattered when my wife is chatted up by some other man as she is and vice versa. And when she tells me that a guy at work asked her for a date, my response is, well... what did you say? We don't have an open relationship but hey... he might have a girlfriend or wife to bring along so it's all good.


As for the old friend you mentioned, my wife has been through the same thing except that she told me about the situation. It happened before we got into the lifestyle and technically, she had not told me when it happened. But after she did tell me about it, that weight was lifted from her conscience and we're none the less in love. In fact, knowing that I am allowed that level of "security clearance" into her mind has made us much closer.

Just a little food for thought....

[WeAreTheCosmos]

(20-02-2013 03:07 PM)bemore Wrote:  I think its about mutual trust if you are in a relationship. I once dated a girl called Laura for two years and she was VERY insecure as she had been cheated on numerous times.

When our relationship first started I did notice the subtle changes in her and the hostility coming out when she thought I was flirting with people, even gay men lol.

As the relationship went on we talked about it and to make her feel better about herself I changed my behavior. This was all good for a while but soon I started to resent her for it, never again will I change for anybody like that.

People worry about the flirting because it can be a pre-cursor to people fucking. The way I see that is irregardless or wether you worry about it, if its gonna happen its gonna happen. So best not to worry about it

But why was she called Laura for only 2 years?

[Vera]

(20-02-2013 03:39 PM)WeAreTheCosmos Wrote:  But why was she called Laura for only 2 years?

Well, one can only live with a name like that for so long

[bemore]

(20-02-2013 03:39 PM)WeAreTheCosmos Wrote:  But why was she called Laura for only 2 years?

Because know shes called divvy

[Chas]

(20-02-2013 03:41 PM)Vera Wrote:  

(20-02-2013 03:39 PM)WeAreTheCosmos Wrote:  But why was she called Laura for only 2 years?

Well, one can only live with a name like that for so long

But everyone knew her as Nancy.

[LadyJane]

Well- I'm married, not dead

Clearly, from reading the different replies, everyone has different thoughts and feelings towards flirting and boundaries, I don't think there is an absolute. That's what makes match making so fun, or not fun I suppose.