Forced to go through Confirmation
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12-06-2017, 04:16 PM
Forced to go through Confirmation
Hello. I'm 13 and I told my parents that I was an atheist when I was 12. Since then, we've talked about Confirmation alot. I really, really don't want to do it and I've told my parents that there's no point in going through Confirmation if I don't believe. Yet, my parents are still forcing me to go through Confirmation. I really don't want to stand up in the middle of church lying about believing in their god, when I don't believe in any god/gods. I'd really appreciate it if I could have your guys' advice or opinion about this. Thank you.
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12-06-2017, 05:50 PM (This post was last modified: 12-06-2017 05:59 PM by Thoreauvian.)
RE: Forced to go through Confirmation
(12-06-2017 04:16 PM)ZeldaFan Wrote:  I really don't want to stand up in the middle of church lying about believing in their god, when I don't believe in any god/gods.

Have you asked them why they want you to lie in front of a crowd?

Or you could tell them you will only adopt a religion when you are ready, and you aren't ready. In other words, you could play for time and hope they forget about it.

Or if you really wanted to play hardball, you could tell them that if you are put in that situation, you will tell the truth.

In any case, good luck. I hope this works out for you.
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12-06-2017, 06:16 PM
RE: Forced to go through Confirmation
You posted this in the "TTA Teens" section which is for teens only (I'm breaking the rules to post so -- forgive me Moms!). If you only want answers from other teens then ignore this but if you'd like opinions from older forum members too then maybe re-post the question in the Personal Issues & Support section.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled teen talk.

Atheism: it's not just for communists any more!
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12-06-2017, 06:51 PM
RE: Forced to go through Confirmation
I can still recall my Confirmation. It was supposed to strengthen my faith and fill me with a resolve to be a good, loyal Catholic. But I found the experience very unpleasant and degrading. Afterward, I felt as if I had done some unnecessary and disgusting one-time chore which I had now, to my great relief, put forever behind me. Consider

Decades later, I wrote an essay about the experience in ATHCONN, an American Atheist chapter's monthly newsletter.
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12-06-2017, 06:59 PM
RE: Forced to go through Confirmation
Quote:Have you asked them why they want you to lie in front of a crowd?


Have you asked them why they want you to lie to this god they allegedly believe in?

Honestly, this sounds a lot more about their social status than anything to do with you.

My parents wanted us to have our kids baptized so they could throw a party for their friends. We said "no." I realize this is the Teen Section but your situation reminded me of that incident and it seems appropriate.

Atheism is NOT a Religion. It's A Personal Relationship With Reality!
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12-06-2017, 07:00 PM
RE: Forced to go through Confirmation
All I remember is that we had a really good lunch after. I guess I blocked the whole thing out.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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13-06-2017, 09:36 PM (This post was last modified: 14-06-2017 08:31 AM by Atothetheist.)
RE: Forced to go through Confirmation
(12-06-2017 04:16 PM)ZeldaFan Wrote:  Hello. I'm 13 and I told my parents that I was an atheist when I was 12. Since then, we've talked about Confirmation alot. I really, really don't want to do it and I've told my parents that there's no point in going through Confirmation if I don't believe. Yet, my parents are still forcing me to go through Confirmation. I really don't want to stand up in the middle of church lying about believing in their god, when I don't believe in any god/gods. I'd really appreciate it if I could have your guys' advice or opinion about this. Thank you.

Wow, I can't believe I no longer count on this subforum anymore.

Hello ZeldaFan,

I remember being thirteen (seven years ago, Jeez.) it was around that age where I had deconverted and I faced the diffficult choice of forcing myself through confirmation because my parents pushed for it. However, I never went through with it because of the exact reasons you are struggling with it. If I may ask, how are your parents forcing you? Are they holding something over you?

That knowledge might help with better advice, being that it is what it is, I'll just say this: Integrity is amazing, but there is nothing wrong with playing a part when you are forced to be part of a show. Sometimes the smarter play (and I've struggled with it too, admitting this) is to let things play out until you are in a better position to express those opinions and viewpoints without negative consequences.

- Steven

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16-06-2017, 06:03 PM
RE: Forced to go through Confirmation
First off, thank you guys for your advice.
I don't know if this might help, but here's some more information about this topic:

1.) When I told my parents that there's no point in confirming, my parents started to get a little mad. They told me that "they made a promise to god, their church, and my deceased nana that I would get confirmed." I decided not to say anything after that because things were already starting to get a little heated, and I didn't want to start a fight.

2.) The most recent discussion, my parents brought up Confirmation and I told them kindly
that I don't want to do it because I don't believe, but my dad started to raise his voice and say, "You do believe in him and you don't even know it." My mom on the other hand, started to get mad and said, "You are still going through Confirmation and you're going to stand up and say that you believe." I was extremely pissed about what they said and I lost my temper.

That's all the information that I can remember from the most recent discussions. I hope this might help.
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16-06-2017, 06:15 PM
RE: Forced to go through Confirmation
(16-06-2017 06:03 PM)ZeldaFan Wrote:  First off, thank you guys for your advice.
I don't know if this might help, but here's some more information about this topic:

1.) When I told my parents that there's no point in confirming, my parents started to get a little mad. They told me that "they made a promise to god, their church, and my deceased nana that I would get confirmed." I decided not to say anything after that because things were already starting to get a little heated, and I didn't want to start a fight.

2.) The most recent discussion, my parents brought up Confirmation and I told them kindly
that I don't want to do it because I don't believe, but my dad started to raise his voice and say, "You do believe in him and you don't even know it." My mom on the other hand, started to get mad and said, "You are still going through Confirmation and you're going to stand up and say that you believe." I was extremely pissed about what they said and I lost my temper.

That's all the information that I can remember from the most recent discussions. I hope this might help.

Hey Zelda, yeah that sounds tough. What seems to be the problem is that they think your atheism is a phase, or that you might be a little too young to be able to know what you believe.

I think that if your parents say you don't know what to believe, then you have to talk about it in that way. If they claim you don't know what to believe, then tell them to let you have the time to figure it out, because confirmation is the confirmation that you in fact do believe. It's a, frankly, bullshit ceremony, but the meaning it holds is only important as long as the person who is undergoing it is confirming their faith.

I would tell you parents to give you time because you need to figure out what you truly believe, rather than forcing you into confirming something that you might not actually believe or are convinced of. Your parents are your parents, I think you know them the best, would they be responsive to a discussion like that?

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17-06-2017, 02:57 AM
RE: Forced to go through Confirmation
(16-06-2017 06:03 PM)ZeldaFan Wrote:  First off, thank you guys for your advice.
I don't know if this might help, but here's some more information about this topic:

1.) When I told my parents that there's no point in confirming, my parents started to get a little mad. They told me that "they made a promise to god, their church, and my deceased nana that I would get confirmed." I decided not to say anything after that because things were already starting to get a little heated, and I didn't want to start a fight.

2.) The most recent discussion, my parents brought up Confirmation and I told them kindly
that I don't want to do it because I don't believe, but my dad started to raise his voice and say, "You do believe in him and you don't even know it." My mom on the other hand, started to get mad and said, "You are still going through Confirmation and you're going to stand up and say that you believe." I was extremely pissed about what they said and I lost my temper.

That's all the information that I can remember from the most recent discussions. I hope this might help.

> Well, if you're forced to go through with it, you can always file a protest of sorts in the choice of your confirmation name. You can choose Celsus, the name of a 12th Century Irish saint:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cellach_of_Armagh

...when you actually mean, Celsus, the 2nd Century Greek Philosopher who opposed early Christianity:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Celsus
Consider
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