Fostering, Adopting, Being a Big for a Little... What have you done?
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
03-01-2014, 07:07 PM (This post was last modified: 03-01-2014 07:14 PM by Juliana.)
Fostering, Adopting, Being a Big for a Little... What have you done?
Hi - Im new and just hoping to talk out some of my emotions along with hearing some ides from others on how they deal with some of those big and heavy issues such as being a parent.

I am not a mom but I am a parent. I have never had my own children and as I grow older, I think my hormones are really doing a number on me. I always wanted children and just never had them. Was it because I didnt meet the right guy, I didnt want to have someone elses baggage so I never got involved with divorced men, or men with children, I never got pregnant even though birth control was not much used? Lets try all of the above. As I am nearing my 49th birthday soon, I wonder what it would have been like to have it all. The husband, the 2 children, the mortgage, the dog and cat, etc. You know the perfect family.

We had neighbors as I was growing up who were the perfect family. The loving parents, the boy and girl and the dog and cat. The girl was even homecoming queen and the boy football star. Perfect! I always wanted that. So why didnt I get that? Why didnt I find that for myself? These are the questions I deal with every day.

I did try to have my perfect family. Maybe you have to come from a perfect family to begin with. When I look at the young women now with their babies strapped to their chests, is it their seemingly perfect life I envy or their youth? I will never know because I willl never know what it is like to be pregnant and feel that bond. Thats what I keep agonizing over that feeling that I missed out on something fabulous but I didnt. I really didnt, I just cant seem to accept that and I dont know why.

I have a niece whom I cherish and love and I would die for her. She is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. I was there the day she was born and she has lived with me her entire life. So why do I feel this void.

I have several friends who do not have children. So i have not even gotten the chance to enjoy having the kids arounds. My view on why so many are not having children barring the painful reality that its just not in their genetics, is that this world is messed up. There really isnt true happiness anywhere. I really believe that. I think of course there is happiness, I have had happiness thoughout my life but I dont think there is any one person who has not had to deal with emotional pain from the choices they make that may lead to them losing something else because of it.

I travel quite a bit. I feel sometimes like I am never at home. I love seeing the world thats out there and enjoying new things. Do I want to share them with a new generation? Absolutely and I did and I hope I can continue to as well. My niece went everywhere with me. Weekend trips, day trips, week long trips. What ever it was I loved sharing with her and I still do. She is now engaged and her fiance has never been anywhere until he met us. So now I will get myself a boy.

I dont know if this urge to have had my own flesh and blood born from my very own body will ever go away but I feel like with all the children out in the world it is so selfish for us to have children when people are so messed up. As I have gotten older I know very few intelligent people who have children and who have raised children who are smart and will succeed at whatever they do in life. Instead I know a lot of people who have children who simply wanted to clone themselves because it would be cute to have a mimi me. Learning disorders and ADD and autism are sky rocketing and I wonder if its just simply because so many people want their cute clone but dont really concern themselves with these things. I have one friend who adopted because she has MS and she was afraid she would harm herself or the baby. I have so much more respect for her than these multiple birth mothers whose concerns are only about themselves and not their future children.

I am signing up to Big Sister and I was wondering who out there has done this and I would love to hear your stories. Did you BS and it turned into adoption, or did you have a lifelong relationship with this child and or parent? Would really love to hear your comments.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
03-01-2014, 07:29 PM
RE: Fostering, Adopting, Being a Big for a Little... What have you done?
I was never aware big sisters could turn into a foster / adopt prospect. I am a current foster parent. Our first placement lived with us for 16 months when she transitioned to her adoptive home. As this was fairly recent and we do not have a current placement I am not sure what the future will hold in regards to our ongoing relationship with our former foster daughter.

We love her with all our hearts and are still in her life a more of an aunt / uncle role.

----

If you have any questions about foster care... feel free to ask.

Edited to add: my husband and I are considering hosting an international high school student for a school year. I am at the beginning stages of researching it.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
04-01-2014, 10:54 PM
RE: Fostering, Adopting, Being a Big for a Little... What have you done?
Its rare aqua but it can happen where you can adopt a sister/brother.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: