Friend needs feedback on his work
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03-04-2014, 11:53 AM
RE: Friend needs feedback on his work
(03-04-2014 11:42 AM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  
(03-04-2014 11:33 AM)Crulax Wrote:  Both work for me but then again I am using Chrome!Tongue

Well I am on my phone so safari is the only option I have.

Dodgy

No it's not. You can use Chrome, Opera, Firefox, or several others. Safari is worse than IE...

Do I have to come give you lessons too? Tongue

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

"Let me give you some advice, bastard: never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister
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03-04-2014, 12:18 PM
RE: Friend needs feedback on his work
(03-04-2014 11:47 AM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  
(03-04-2014 11:23 AM)War Horse Wrote:  Using AVG
Huh, I've seen AVG go a little crazy on what it considers dangerous, but never for something like iTunes... possibly just a temporary glitch, I'd need to look at it to be sure.
Quote:Yea, so I'm like 500.... what about it punk. Angry Um, I am on IE, tho not sure which version. Last time I downloaded Chrome it changed my homepage and screwed up everything, I had to do a system restore to get rid of it, so I'm a bit gun shy about it. Blush

Do I have to come to Florida to teach your ancient ass how to use technology? Tongue

While you're installing it, make sure you read everything and uncheck anything that says it's going to changed something. i.e. "install google toolbar for IE" or "set google as your homepage" You should do this for EVERY bit of software you install or update. So many of those stupid toolbars and "helpers" get auto installed when you install something like Adobe Reader or Java.

Here. Click on this.

I hosted it on my dropbox account so you can download it.


undergroundp, I've read it and have some comments for you, but I have errands to run and don't want to rush through my comments. I promise I'll type them out when I'm home.

Anyone else picturing Warhorse's browser?

[Image: ieHell.jpg]

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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03-04-2014, 12:29 PM
RE: Friend needs feedback on his work
(03-04-2014 12:18 PM)Revenant77x Wrote:  Anyone else picturing Warhorse's browser?

[Image: ieHell.jpg]

Dodgy ....... get off my lawn! Angry



Laugh out load

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03-04-2014, 03:00 PM
RE: Friend needs feedback on his work
(03-04-2014 11:47 AM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  undergroundp, I've read it and have some comments for you, but I have errands to run and don't want to rush through my comments. I promise I'll type them out when I'm home.

It's alright! Thanks for taking the time! Smile

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03-04-2014, 03:04 PM
RE: Friend needs feedback on his work
(03-04-2014 11:53 AM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  
(03-04-2014 11:42 AM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  Well I am on my phone so safari is the only option I have.

Dodgy

No it's not. You can use Chrome, Opera, Firefox, or several others. Safari is worse than IE...

Do I have to come give you lessons too? Tongue

Okay it's the only option I know about. And yes come give me lessons but we will need a supervisor lol Tongue


(03-04-2014 03:00 PM)undergroundp Wrote:  
(03-04-2014 11:47 AM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  undergroundp, I've read it and have some comments for you, but I have errands to run and don't want to rush through my comments. I promise I'll type them out when I'm home.

It's alright! Thanks for taking the time! Smile

I want to help and if you can walk me through where to look I can try to look these up on my own maybe? The first link worked but it said I have to download iBooks and buy a book. Is this what's happening it my internet is confused?

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03-04-2014, 03:09 PM
RE: Friend needs feedback on his work
(03-04-2014 03:04 PM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  I want to help and if you can walk me through where to look I can try to look these up on my own maybe? The first link worked but it said I have to download iBooks and buy a book. Is this what's happening it my internet is confused?

Notme has it on his dropbox Smile

(03-04-2014 11:47 AM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  Here. Click on this.

I hosted it on my dropbox account so you can download it.

"Behind every great pirate, there is a great butt."
-Guybrush Threepwood-
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04-04-2014, 12:40 PM
RE: Friend needs feedback on his work
Ok. So I lied. I didn't respond when I got home. I'm sorry.

Anyway, here goes.

Your friend has a real talent for storytelling. It is difficult to tell a good story, but especially so when not using any words (or very few). I was able to follow along for the most part and after the second read, I picked up on things that made more sense in greater context. I wasn't 100% sure on who some of the other characters were supposed to be, but their identity is mostly inconsequential to the main message contained. However, my curious mind would like to know more about the players in the story.

I was also a little confused by the tear drop and some of the things that came after that. For me, it's where the intuitiveness fell apart. It's obvious that the tear drop is important and/or dangerous, but what exactly is it and why is the scientist interested in it? Why is the guy arrested for having it? I can't help but feel that I'm missing some context here. Perhaps a cultural one.

Overall, I found it to be quite enjoyable. Does your friend have any other, completed, works?

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

"Let me give you some advice, bastard: never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister
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04-04-2014, 01:58 PM
RE: Friend needs feedback on his work
Here are some things he said about it, hope it helps!

The stories pivot around a Father character (ch.1, 3,4) and his Son (ch.1, 2) and a third, unrelated character, a Mechanic aspiring to win races for cash. A fourth, mysterious for now, character is the crashing pilot - he is not the same person as the Son, but they are eerily similar, for reasons that will be made clear in future stories.

The Tear contains a sealed seed, identical to the one the Son planted in the ground before the portal opened. The original seed was acquired from the crashed plane's engine - it's an inter-dimensional energy source. It was used to open the portal by the Son, and in its place a tree sprouted, bearing more such seeds - enclosed in hermetic Tear fruits.

The Scientist works for one of the governmental factions, and is interested in the potential of using its inter-dimensional powers. Failing to open it with mechanical brute force, they settle for the next best thing - the Cut Tear itself. Although the Cut Tear does not allow one to physically transfer to another dimension, unlike the Seed (The Orb), it works as a vessel, controlled remotely from another dimension - hence its final placement in the simulator.

There are 2 more stories (a prequel that involves the mysterious pilot and his unique plane, powered by The Orb, and one that takes place concurently with the final chapter, and involves the Father's use of The Orb, after he extracted it in the desert in chapter 4) and a game that follows the final chapter's motive - the actual simulator.

And no, this is his first work and he hasn't done anything since.

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04-04-2014, 02:01 PM
RE: Friend needs feedback on his work
(04-04-2014 01:58 PM)undergroundp Wrote:  Here are some things he said about it, hope it helps!

The stories pivot around a Father character (ch.1, 3,4) and his Son (ch.1, 2) and a third, unrelated character, a Mechanic aspiring to win races for cash. A fourth, mysterious for now, character is the crashing pilot - he is not the same person as the Son, but they are eerily similar, for reasons that will be made clear in future stories.

The Tear contains a sealed seed, identical to the one the Son planted in the ground before the portal opened. The original seed was acquired from the crashed plane's engine - it's an inter-dimensional energy source. It was used to open the portal by the Son, and in its place a tree sprouted, bearing more such seeds - enclosed in hermetic Tear fruits.

The Scientist works for one of the governmental factions, and is interested in the potential of using its inter-dimensional powers. Failing to open it with mechanical brute force, they settle for the next best thing - the Cut Tear itself. Although the Cut Tear does not allow one to physically transfer to another dimension, unlike the Seed (The Orb), it works as a vessel, controlled remotely from another dimension - hence its final placement in the simulator.

There are 2 more stories (a prequel that involves the mysterious pilot and his unique plane, powered by The Orb, and one that takes place concurently with the final chapter, and involves the Father's use of The Orb, after he extracted it in the desert in chapter 4) and a game that follows the final chapter's motive - the actual simulator.

And no, this is his first work and he hasn't done anything since.

Thanks, that actually clears up all of my uncertainties and makes the story even more robust. I would be very interested in any further stories or updates to this one.

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

"Let me give you some advice, bastard: never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister
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04-04-2014, 02:03 PM
RE: Friend needs feedback on his work
WOW, I didnt get any of what he described about it...... I'd like to get some of that acid. Yes

All joking aside, I really read something more basic into the story, although it did lose me about 2/3 way through.

If bullshit were music some people would be a brass band.
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