Friend's Miscarriage
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15-09-2014, 11:01 AM
Question Friend's Miscarriage
One of my very close friends had a miscarriage about four and a half months ago. Today was her due date. She and her husband had been married 10 years and were trying for kids for a long time. As it is for anyone, the miscarriage was incredibly devastating for them both.
She took the day off today and she and her husband are spending the day together. I'm wondering if anyone else who's suffered this kind of tragedy could let me know if there is anything I could do for her today, just to say that I'm thinking of her. Would flowers be appropriate?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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15-09-2014, 11:53 AM
RE: Friend's Miscarriage
I don't know that I'd go so far as flowers, but a call or text message just to let her know that you're thinking about her would be appreciated I'm sure.

My wife miscarried before our last son was born and I know it can really weigh one's mind.

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

~ Umberto Eco
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15-09-2014, 12:38 PM
RE: Friend's Miscarriage
Just tell her you're thinking of her and maybe another day take her to lunch (or something else). If she doesn't live close to you, or you see her infrequently I cannot overstate the power of a "thinking of you" card mailed to her house. I know everyone does email or text messages everything, but there is something tangible about a card. Smile

Hug


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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15-09-2014, 12:55 PM
RE: Friend's Miscarriage
Having BTDT I agree with the others.


Just a message that says I know you are hurting, and I care, and you aren't hurting alone.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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15-09-2014, 01:04 PM
RE: Friend's Miscarriage
I had 3 miscarriages. They tend to haunt you. But life goes on.

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
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15-09-2014, 01:06 PM
RE: Friend's Miscarriage
Weeping

That breaks my heart. I can't imagine Sad
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15-09-2014, 02:04 PM
RE: Friend's Miscarriage
We've had two miscarriages this year, and now we're 5 weeks 4 days again. We are right here at the date the first one would have been born. As for me it's just part of life, and I hope for better results this time. The way I handled it before was by not taking about it, but now I can talk about it and disconnect myself from the two events as if they happened to someone else. I have not spoken much of the events until recently when we learned we were preggo again, but I'm prepared if it happens a third time.

A wise person makes their own decisions; an ignorant one follows public opinion.
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15-09-2014, 03:31 PM
RE: Friend's Miscarriage
Sounds like her miscarriage happened about as far along as mine did. I found out at a routine check up/ultrasound. I knew as soon as the image came up on screen. Man, that was devastating. After a couple of months of greiving, having the doctors assure me I did nothing wrong, I was able to be ok with it, and when my due date rolled around there was a twinge of sadness, but mostly acceptance.

I guess it's probably different for everyone. Me personally, I wouldn't have been upset if I didn't hear condolences from anyone, as I'd moved on. The due date passing was harder for my mom than it was for me I think.

I agree with the others that a quick text or call would be great (I wouldn't have been upset to receive those either). You know your friend though. If she is really still grieving and having a hard time with it, I don't think flowers are out of line.

I think whichever route you take, the message that will come across is that you're a great friend who cares, and that's what counts. Best of luck Hug

I hope that the world turns, and things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. - V for Vendetta
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21-09-2014, 08:19 AM
RE: Friend's Miscarriage
Flowers and a "thinking of you today" card is a wonderful idea. The flowers make the note special.
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