Fucked up situation
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20-06-2016, 02:16 PM
Fucked up situation
Where do I even start with this.

My mum and aunt were in a car accident. My mum is alright, just some broken ribs. My aunt didn't make it. My mum was driving. I feel numb. I cried, a lot, I don't know if I can cry anymore. This is so hard to process and my heart is breaking for my mum. My aunt was her little sister, 46, too young to die like that. She also lost her brother a couple of years ago to cancer. Fuck, it's too soon.

My mum still doesn't know about her death. We've told her she's in intensive care and that she's in a critical state. The doctors and the psychologist said we shouldn't let her know until she gets a bit better (it's just some broken ribs but her lungs are weak due to smoking and chronic illness).

It's so exhausting and horrible to have to wait to tell her. Hearing her ask to see her sister. And I need to wait and I have no idea how we can handle this. How she will handle this. The shock and the guilt and everything. We still don't know how the accident happened, but the woman driving the other car (who is perfectly fine) says my mum passed a red light. My mum is still dizzy from the shock and the painkillers but she says she passed no red light. It's also a kind of holiday these days in Greece so the cops weren't working on it. But it's most likely that my mum did something wrong. It was a new road (opened just ten days ago) and she didn't know it at all. I'm just hoping it was the other woman's fault, even though it most likely wasn't.

I just. Ugh. I don't know. I don't even know why I'm writing this. Talking helps. I've exhausted my boyfriend's batteries and I need to vent. He's back in Athens and I came here to my hometown to be with my mum. But how can I be with her when I can't even look her in the eye? I can't pretend to be ok in front of her. I have this lump in my throat all day. I thought giving it a day would help. And it did. Just a bit. My aunt died yesterday. It's still so hard to process all this.

My aunt's death was shocking and sad, but I'm worried about my mum right now. Health-wise, she will be fine. But this guilt will haunt her forever. I was stupid enough to look up stuff about guilt people have after being responsible for a fatal accident and it made things worse. Apparently, it's one of those things that change your life forever. I don't want this for my mum. She's the best person in the world, she's a wonderful mother and she's worked so hard and sacrificed so much in her life to deserve all this. I don't know how we'll go through this.

"Behind every great pirate, there is a great butt."
-Guybrush Threepwood-
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20-06-2016, 02:21 PM
RE: Fucked up situation
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. And please accept my condolences for the loss of your aunt.

I am not sure how I feel about the doctors wanting to wait to tell her...I have to guess they have good reasons for that. Do you trust them that it's the right thing to do at this time?

Hugs to you and your family. That's all I have. Heart

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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20-06-2016, 02:26 PM
RE: Fucked up situation
I don't know what to say, I wish I could do something to help
Sad

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20-06-2016, 02:27 PM
RE: Fucked up situation
My condolences for the loss of your aunt, I am so sorry. Hug
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20-06-2016, 02:28 PM
RE: Fucked up situation
(20-06-2016 02:21 PM)Anjele Wrote:  I am so sorry you are dealing with this. And please accept my condolences for the loss of your aunt.

I am not sure how I feel about the doctors wanting to wait to tell her...I have to guess they have good reasons for that. Do you trust them that it's the right thing to do at this time?

Hugs to you and your family. That's all I have. Heart

Thank you.

I'm not sure about the doctors but the psychologist we talked to is the daughter of my mum's best friend and I trust her. Both her and the doctors were pretty adamant about it. Due to the holidays the autopsy is taking much longer than usual so we may have time until the funeral so she may attend it if she wishes.

I just want the best for her. We'll be talking to another psychologist and a social worker tomorrow about how to handle it.

"Behind every great pirate, there is a great butt."
-Guybrush Threepwood-
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20-06-2016, 02:30 PM
RE: Fucked up situation
I'm so sorry for your loss Hug I think the best thing to do right now is to listen to the doctors and help your mom get well. Then, from there take everything day by day. I think it would really help your mom to talk to a therapist when she is ready to help her process all of this. Just keep giving her lots of love and support. Try not to read too much on the Internet. There are so many variables as to how different people handle tragedy and grief. Just take everything one step at a time.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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20-06-2016, 02:31 PM
RE: Fucked up situation
(20-06-2016 02:28 PM)undergroundp Wrote:  
(20-06-2016 02:21 PM)Anjele Wrote:  I am so sorry you are dealing with this. And please accept my condolences for the loss of your aunt.

I am not sure how I feel about the doctors wanting to wait to tell her...I have to guess they have good reasons for that. Do you trust them that it's the right thing to do at this time?

Hugs to you and your family. That's all I have. Heart

Thank you.

I'm not sure about the doctors but the psychologist we talked to is the daughter of my mum's best friend and I trust her. Both her and the doctors were pretty adamant about it. Due to the holidays the autopsy is taking much longer than usual so we may have time until the funeral so she may attend it if she wishes.

I just want the best for her. We'll be talking to another psychologist and a social worker tomorrow about how to handle it.

You need to ask them since time if of the essence. It seems to me that your mother is going to be upset when she finds out what happened but it could be worse if she doesn't find out till after services and such. To me that seems like it would just make things worse...but, I am not a doctor.

I hope you can come to a decision you can all have some peace with.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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20-06-2016, 02:38 PM
RE: Fucked up situation
I'm so sorry, this is a terrible shock.
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20-06-2016, 02:39 PM
RE: Fucked up situation
How terrible. My condolences for the loss of your aunt.

“The first duty of a man is to think for himself” ― José Martí
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20-06-2016, 02:54 PM
RE: Fucked up situation
I'm so sorry for you and your family. What a terrible thing. Condolences to you. You must be in shock. Hug

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