Fucked up situation
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20-06-2016, 08:33 PM
RE: Fucked up situation
(20-06-2016 08:22 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  Your mum needs you to lean on, be strong for her. Love her, hold her, cry with her.

That.

I've been sitting here for an hour trying to find the right way to say that.

It's the part of the fantasy novel where the heroine stands alone in the face of the on-coming dragon, takes a deep breath and stands tall.

If only it was so easy in real life.

Hug

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21-06-2016, 12:43 AM
RE: Fucked up situation
Thank you everyone. It really means a lot knowing there are people who care.

I'm with her right now at the hospital. She's trying to sleep. Fortunately, it's quite easy since she's feeling sleepy all the time with all the meds they're giving her.

I need to be alert all the time. She insists on having her phone around but we need to pick it up every time someone calls because the whole city has found out about it and they're calling to offer their condolences. It's quite stressful.

Fuck, how I hate this. People are writing on my aunt's Facebook wall about her death. My little cousin (not a daughter of hers) found out that way before we even had the chance to tell her (she lost her dad a couple of years ago AND an uncle a few days ago). I don't understand why people feel the need to do that in public, knowing that my mum is still in the hospital, knowing that it's a delicate situation. We had to tell my brother and sister (who has a heart condition and is very sensitive and today she'll be performing in a choir at Carnegie Hall - hope we don't fuck that up) who are in New York right now, just because we didn't want them to find out through Facebook. We were planning to wait for them to come back in order to tell them but no, dozens of people decided it's fucking wise to publicly write about someone's death on Facebook.

Had a dream last night that my aunt was alive. I run to her and hugged her, but I knew she was dead. I knew I was dreaming for some reason and I was pinching myself in the dream to try and make myself wake up. It was too painful, even as a dream.

I find it hard to sleep and eat. I'm basically forcing myself to eat, it's what I have to do. I'm trying to be the strong one because everyone else seems to be falling apart. At least I can count on my dad. He's been so strong and patient through this, even though it's the first time in my life I've seen him cry. I know he loves my mum to death and that's so important right now.

"Behind every great pirate, there is a great butt."
-Guybrush Threepwood-
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21-06-2016, 12:56 AM
RE: Fucked up situation
Hug

Ceterum censeo, religionem delendam esse
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21-06-2016, 01:18 AM
RE: Fucked up situation
You may hate this now, P, and for good reason ... but if I were you I'd screenshot your aunt's FB page with those comments attesting to her life and times. Those people giving their remembrances may be making things difficult for you now, but in one sense, they are her biography -- how she affected the people who knew and loved her.

I'm glad for you that you have your father for your own comfort and support, hon. Lean on each other. (((UGP)))
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21-06-2016, 04:34 AM
RE: Fucked up situation
(20-06-2016 02:16 PM)undergroundp Wrote:  Where do I even start with this.

My mum and aunt were in a car accident. My mum is alright, just some broken ribs. My aunt didn't make it. My mum was driving. I feel numb. I cried, a lot, I don't know if I can cry anymore. This is so hard to process and my heart is breaking for my mum. My aunt was her little sister, 46, too young to die like that. She also lost her brother a couple of years ago to cancer. Fuck, it's too soon.

My mum still doesn't know about her death. We've told her she's in intensive care and that she's in a critical state. The doctors and the psychologist said we shouldn't let her know until she gets a bit better (it's just some broken ribs but her lungs are weak due to smoking and chronic illness).

It's so exhausting and horrible to have to wait to tell her. Hearing her ask to see her sister. And I need to wait and I have no idea how we can handle this. How she will handle this. The shock and the guilt and everything. We still don't know how the accident happened, but the woman driving the other car (who is perfectly fine) says my mum passed a red light. My mum is still dizzy from the shock and the painkillers but she says she passed no red light. It's also a kind of holiday these days in Greece so the cops weren't working on it. But it's most likely that my mum did something wrong. It was a new road (opened just ten days ago) and she didn't know it at all. I'm just hoping it was the other woman's fault, even though it most likely wasn't.

I just. Ugh. I don't know. I don't even know why I'm writing this. Talking helps. I've exhausted my boyfriend's batteries and I need to vent. He's back in Athens and I came here to my hometown to be with my mum. But how can I be with her when I can't even look her in the eye? I can't pretend to be ok in front of her. I have this lump in my throat all day. I thought giving it a day would help. And it did. Just a bit. My aunt died yesterday. It's still so hard to process all this.

My aunt's death was shocking and sad, but I'm worried about my mum right now. Health-wise, she will be fine. But this guilt will haunt her forever. I was stupid enough to look up stuff about guilt people have after being responsible for a fatal accident and it made things worse. Apparently, it's one of those things that change your life forever. I don't want this for my mum. She's the best person in the world, she's a wonderful mother and she's worked so hard and sacrificed so much in her life to deserve all this. I don't know how we'll go through this.

I am truly sorry about your loss.

Your mom may not have been familiar with the road, but surely she is familiar with traffic lights. If your mom has no prior history of being prone to running red lights or being a bad driver then you should not be so quick to lean toward believing it was probably her fault. Unless you have good solid reason to believe otherwise(not being familiar with the road is not a good reason conclude your mom was at fault), then take your mom's word for it....she did not run the red light and it was the other drivers fault. The other driver killed your aunt.
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21-06-2016, 05:13 AM
RE: Fucked up situation
It sounds like you are handling a very difficult situation with admirable strength and grace.

You could try switching your mother's phone to silent, that way she won't notice when people try to call. I think most people want to help in situations like yours and act before they think. It's very frustrating, but I'm sure most of them mean well.

You and your father need to make sure that both of you get enough rest and food. If you want to take care of your mom, you have to take care of yourself too.

Once again, empathy and vibes.

Help for the living. Hope for the dead. ~ R.G. Ingersoll

Freedom offers opportunity. Opportunity confers responsibility. Responsibility to use the freedom we enjoy wisely, honestly and humanely. ~ Noam Chomsky
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21-06-2016, 05:30 AM
RE: Fucked up situation
I am so sorry for your loss. Please, please take care of yourself. You don't want your mom worrying about you, as moms tend to do. It sounds like you are concerned about your mom hearing about her sister through someone else. It might give you peace if you do tell her. No matter what, you have been there for her with much love, she is lucky to have you. Warm thoughts to you and your family.

I wish more people cared about the earth as much as they care about who they believe created it
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21-06-2016, 05:48 AM
RE: Fucked up situation
We finally told her about an hour ago. The psychologist and the social worker agreed that it's better to tell her before the funeral (that is tomorrow) so my dad finally did it.

We were there, my dad, my aunt (her other sister) and me. We cried, we tried to make her feel we were there for her.

She's quite calm now, I'm not sure if it's the drugs or if she's trying to be strong and think about her own health now. She started talking about the funeral and how it should be arranged and she was pretty calm about it.

It generally went better than I expected. I feel this huge relief and I feel I can now be there for her. Her strength makes me strong too. As i said, I don't know if it's the drugs, but she's handled it very well so far. I told her I'll stay at the hospital next to her for as long as she needs.

She's sleeping now. At least she can now rest and not wait for news all the time.

The social worker told me she might need short-term therapy. She hasn't expressed any guilt so far (which is great) and I'm hoping that it's not just the drugs and the fact that she doesn't remember much. Before finding out about her sister's death, when asked about the accident she did say a couple of times that it was her fault. We'll see.

I can't call anyone right now because it's just me in the room with her and I don't want to leave her alone, so I come here to vent. It really helped reading your replies guys. Thank you again.

"Behind every great pirate, there is a great butt."
-Guybrush Threepwood-
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21-06-2016, 06:12 AM
RE: Fucked up situation
[Image: bearhug_zps5kqkvfbj.jpg]

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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21-06-2016, 06:14 AM
RE: Fucked up situation
Hang in there UGP. Hug

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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