Fun with Fundies
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30-09-2015, 12:07 PM
Fun with Fundies
Fundamentalist Christians have a belief that they have a duty to proselytize - "spreading the word" they call it.

I'd say a manure spreader would do just as good a job of spreading it - with much the same results.

That said -- I recently came to the realization that when a fundie shows up on my doorstep - it's MY duty to attempt to knock some sense into their head.

......

I had a couple show up today - one of each flavor - male/female. I was out behind the barn running the gas powered table saw - sawing up the wood I use for making maple syrup (small stuff - under 2 inch diameter) - and I looked up and seen the pair. I shut down the saw and inquired as to what they wanted.

"We'd like to share the "Word of God" with you......" Oh boy...... Just what I need....

"OK" I say -- "I'll give you a bit of my time -- if you answer a few questions of mine." "SURE" they say "We'd be HAPPY to!!!!" (want to bet?)

First I ask what church they're from.... Baptists.... (oh boy, hardcore nutters)..

Next I ask "Does God ever lie to you, or try to deceive you?"....

"Noooo" THey answer -- "God's word is the truth (blah, blah, blah) -- I let them go for a minute......

Next I ask --- "So the bible gives you all the answers to all your questions"????

"Yes" they gush "If you open your heart and ask the Holy Spirit (blah, blah, blah, blah blah...)

"Fine" I say -- "So how old does "god's word" say the universe is?"""

........

A bit of hemming and hawing...... But, eventually they say it's somewhere between 5 and 10,000 years old.........

.........

"OK" I say -- -"The observable universe is mathematically proven to be BILLIONS of light- years in size -- and as it takes billions of years for the emitted light of those stars to reach us - how can you explain that discrepancy"???

a bit of hemming and hawing --- and the guy finally says "God made the light APPEAR to be from a star that distant."


"So he did this why?? To DECEIVE us???? "

Grumble, mumble....

"Well - we don't know all the answers"....

"Yeah," I say -- "I kinda figured that.... Come back when you do"....

fire up motor and go back to sawing wood.....


Smartass

Fun is, where you find it.

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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30-09-2015, 12:14 PM
RE: Fun with Fundies
Nice job. My wife always tells me to shut the door or ignore them when they come calling, but where is the fun in that!

“Truth does not demand belief. Scientists do not join hands every Sunday, singing, yes, gravity is real! I will have faith! I will be strong! I believe in my heart that what goes up, up, up, must come down, down, down. Amen! If they did, we would think they were pretty insecure about it.”
— Dan Barker —
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30-09-2015, 12:32 PM
RE: Fun with Fundies
I like to make triangles with my hands and tell them that I'm with the Illuminati or something. It keeps the conversations pretty short most of the time.

Don't let those gnomes and their illusions get you down. They're just gnomes and illusions.

--Jake the Dog, Adventure Time

Alouette, je te plumerai.
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30-09-2015, 12:35 PM
RE: Fun with Fundies
I always like a non-supernatural explanation for everything, so I consider fundamentalists to be deluded.
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30-09-2015, 12:38 PM
RE: Fun with Fundies
I think I'm blacklisted. They don't call in anymore. I wonder was it something I said....... I certainly hope so.

“The first duty of a man is to think for himself” ― José Martí
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30-09-2015, 01:37 PM
RE: Fun with Fundies
Funny, but hopefully they won't become persistent like the padre-child from Gran Torino.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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01-10-2015, 11:16 AM
RE: Fun with Fundies
(30-09-2015 12:07 PM)onlinebiker Wrote:  "Fine" I say -- "So how old does "god's word" say the universe is?"""

If you had asked me that question I would have said that the earth is several thousand years old but the Bible doesn't tell us when the universe was created. Here is a complete explanation of why I believe this:

https://clydeherrin.wordpress.com/2014/0...-universe/

I would also have pointed out that the Bible doesn't give enough information to determine the exact age of the earth or the date of Noah's flood.

https://clydeherrin.wordpress.com/2014/06/25/4004-bc/

The information in ancient libraries came from real minds of real people. The far more complex information in cells came from the far more intelligent mind of God.
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01-10-2015, 11:33 AM
RE: Fun with Fundies
(01-10-2015 11:16 AM)theophilus Wrote:  
(30-09-2015 12:07 PM)onlinebiker Wrote:  "Fine" I say -- "So how old does "god's word" say the universe is?"""

If you had asked me that question I would have said that the earth is several thousand years old but the Bible doesn't tell us when the universe was created. Here is a complete explanation of why I believe this:

https://clydeherrin.wordpress.com/2014/0...-universe/

I would also have pointed out that the Bible doesn't give enough information to determine the exact age of the earth or the date of Noah's flood.

https://clydeherrin.wordpress.com/2014/06/25/4004-bc/


How ignorant and willing to disregard facts do you have to be to believe the world is only thousands of years old?????

There's pine trees that can be CONFIRMED to be over 5000 years old.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_lo...g_organism

I've personally seen areas where erosion wore away rock -- that took EONS to occur.. The geologic evidence alone is undeniable that the earth is billions of years old.

But why go with scientifically proven facts, when you can be bestest buddies with the great invisible man who runs everything?????

You might as well insist the earth is flat. It's really that ignorant to claim the earth is thousands of years old.

It boggles the mind to believe people can exist in this world that can simultaneously believe that, and are actually able to function as human beings.

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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01-10-2015, 11:40 AM
RE: Fun with Fundies
(30-09-2015 12:32 PM)Old Man Marsh Wrote:  I like to make triangles with my hands and tell them that I'm with the Illuminati or something. It keeps the conversations pretty short most of the time.

I would totally throw a hadoken at you followed by a shoryuken for good measure; then pose for Guile's theme because it goes with everything.

[Image: dog-shaking.gif]
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01-10-2015, 03:17 PM
RE: Fun with Fundies
(01-10-2015 11:40 AM)kingschosen Wrote:  
(30-09-2015 12:32 PM)Old Man Marsh Wrote:  I like to make triangles with my hands and tell them that I'm with the Illuminati or something. It keeps the conversations pretty short most of the time.

I would totally throw a hadoken at you followed by a shoryuken for good measure; then pose for Guile's theme because it goes with everything.

Laugh out load








Don't let those gnomes and their illusions get you down. They're just gnomes and illusions.

--Jake the Dog, Adventure Time

Alouette, je te plumerai.
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